Darkest Before Dawn
by devonshire64
Summary: A single moment, a simple twist of fate, is all it takes to change the world.
1. Chapter 1

_Hello everyone. I'm back for more after the long wait. Its been a crazy and life changing few months to say the least. This is the next story in the Something Lost Series. I'm working on a few stories outside the series, but i've decided i can no longer handle more than one story at a time. as always, enjoy. _

_ps: this story is told in both past and present. _

_**D: this is all just for fun. **_

**DARKEST BEFORE DAWN**

Chapter 1

_July 1980_

Tom Harrison sat on the hard plastic chair, his head in his hands. How many doctors were there going to be? How many more times did they have to do this? He thought he would be able to protect his family, he thought he would be able to keep them safe. He was a hunter for god's sake, he knew what went bump in the night and he knew how to kill it. But his little girl wasn't possessed, wasn't being attacked by a shapeshifter or cursed by a witch. She was sick. Plain old, non supernatural sick— and it was killing her.

He turned to his side when the sound of choked sobs began again. Liz was trying to hold it together, but Tom could see she was barely holding on. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer, resting his head on her's. Her long, strawberry blonde hair fell in waves around her, covering her face as she wept. Tom knew holding her wasn't going to help their baby, wasn't going to make the last week go away, but at that moment it was all he could do.

Elizabeth didn't know about the things he hunted, didn't know about his double life. Tom told himself he would give it up when he got married, when he had children, but try as he might he couldn't get out from under it all. Once you saw the other side of the natural world, there was no going back. He wanted to give it up to keep his family safe, but fate had it out for him. Sick— not poisoned, not cursed, just sick. Of all the things Tom had seen and done, his little girl was taken out by an illness.

Tom stood, starting to pace— they thought it was the flu. She was their only baby, it was natural for them to worry about every little hiccup. Hell, the first time she spit up Tom thought she was possessed. So when she got a runny nose and low fever, they thought she had a cold. Liz had smiled to their toddler, rubbing her back after she gave the child some Tylenol. The next morning, they knew something was wrong. And since then it had been one long nightmare.

"Mr. And Mrs. Harrison?"

Tom looked up at the voice, his heart clenching when he saw a doctor walking toward them. He refused to get his hopes up, refused to believe the man in the white coat would do anything other than crush his dreams. The doctors never gave them anything but bad news.

"Yes." Tom's voice was weak as he helped Liz to her feet. He just wanted to take his little girl home, to have her in his arms again. He had been so proud the day he found out he was going to be a father, and now he was about to have that title taken away from him. "How is she?"

"Her fever's broken." The doctor smiled, though he looked tired. Tom wasn't sure he heard the man right.

"Her— what?" He had been prepared for the worst. Days before he had been told his baby was going to die, and now—.

"Her fever's broken." The doctor stated again, motioning the parents to sit.

Tom didn't know what to say or do, following the doctor's order like a lemming. All he could do was sit and listen, the information barely making it through the walls he had built around himself when he learned just how sick his daughter was. There was hope, honest to god hope— it was the last thing he'd been expecting. "So, she's going to be ok?"

The doctor looked down, removing his glasses. Tom's heart dropped, his new found faith dwindling. "The infection and accompanying fevers were very severe. I'm not going to lie to you, meningitis is a very serious disease, especially in someone so young. Even after the illness has run its course, there's still the possibility of complications."

"What kind of complications?" Tom asked, holding his wife as she began to cry again.

"Meningitis is a fast moving and devastating infection of the brain and spinal cord. It needs to be caught early, normally when the symptoms first appear."

Tom closed his eyes, wishing more than anything he could go back in time. They thought she had a cold, had kept her home thirty six hours after the first symptoms. It wasn't until his little girl's fever spiked to 104.1 that they rushed her to the ER, where they'd been ever since. Had they just gone to the doctor at the first sign, had they been the overprotective new parents they had been when she was an infant, this all could have been avoided. But they had decided to be calm this time, to let nature take its course, to not flip out over a little cold. Fate sucked.

"Your daughter had been battling the infection for over a day by the time we got to her. In truth, Mr. Harrison, it's a miracle she's survived this long."

"What complications?" Tom said again, his voice cutting. He didn't want to be told to be thankful they had managed to fix his mistake, he wanted to know what kind of child he would be bringing home.

"We won't know for certain until she wakes up and we can do more thorough exams. The main thing we will be looking for is any neurological damage. This could mean anything from vision problems and hearing loss to developmental delays and loss of speech and motor skills. We're going to take her in for an MRI and CAT scan to see if there's any damage to her brain or spinal cord from the inflammation. That will give us a starting point."

"Is there a chance she'll come through this with no complications?" Tom whispered, the list of problems too much for him to think about. She loved to dance, loved to run, and was just learning how to swing on a big girl swing. Hell, she was even starting to talk, and now he was being told all that was going to be taken away.

The doctor sighed, his eyes sliding between the young parents. "There's always a chance, but I don't want you to get your hopes up. We're doctors, not miracle workers."

"Please," Tom turned when he heard his wife's quiet voice, her tear filled blue eyes studying the doctor. "Just tell me what you think will happen."

"At this point, with everything we've been through. I would say your daughter has a 95% chance of developing some type of neurological complication. I'm very sorry."

Liz nodded, pulling herself up out of Tom's arms. "Can we see her?"

"Yes, of course. We're going to give her another course of antibiotics before we take her down for the MRI and CAT scan. At this moment we don't believe there's any fluid build up in the membrane around her brain or her mastoids. If we find any, though, we'll need to take her into surgery to drain it.

"Now, before I take you back to see your daughter I want to give you a rundown of what you'll see. She's a very, very sick little girl. There's going to be a tube down her throat, as well as a number of IVs and machines attached to her."

"Why's she on a breathing tube?" Tom asked, his heart skipping a beat. "She was breathing on her own the last time we saw her."

"When she coded two hours ago we had to intubate her. We've been giving her very aggressive drug's since then to bring her back. This last episode— we almost lost her. Your little girl came back from the brink, Mr. Harrison, and I'm afraid it shows."

Tom's heart nearly stopped. 'Bring her back'. His mind automatically went to the spirits he encountered on nearly a daily basis, to the other side of the veil. His baby was nearly gone, had one foot over the line, and they'd managed to bring her back. He was afraid to know what he would have now for a child. He knew what it was like to cross over, knew what was dead should have stayed dead. Coming back didn't come without trouble.

He followed the doctor down the hall, holding Liz by the arm. She was trying to be strong, trying to keep it all together, but Tom knew she was on the verge of losing complete control. And he knew she would crumble completely when she saw their baby. Tom gripped her hand tightly when the doctor stopped at the door. Liz squeezed back, both parents nodding. Even the explanation the doctor had given him didn't prepare Tom for the sight.

He could barely see his daughter beneath all the tubes and wires. She was laying in a large crib, her body unmoving on the thin mattress. There were clowns painted on the walls, flowers and drawings all around the room, but they did little to ease the ache. Tom was about to pull Liz closer to him when she pulled away. He thought she would crumble, but instead she seemed to gain strength. Tom was always amazed by her.

Liz moved over to the crib, a sad smile on her face as she leaned over the rail, gently brushing the toddler's hair back. "Hi, Angel." She whispered. "Mommy's here."

Tom's strength grew when he heard his wife's quiet voice. This was still their baby, still his little girl, and nothing would change that. Besides, he was a hunter, there was always another option when it came to treatment and he was confident he could fix any complications which might arise.

"Hey, Little Monster." Tom ran his hand over the girl's cheek. Her skin was much cooler than the last time he'd touched her. He looked up at the heart monitor, his fear surging when he heart the change in rhythm.

"It's ok." A nurse said calmly, smiling at the young couple. "It's just her way of letting you know she can hear you."

Tom looked down at the sleeping toddler again, Liz humming to her, running her hand through the baby's soft hair. It was like she'd been born again, like becoming a dad all over again. She was gone, taken away by something Tom had never prepared for. But against all the odds his baby was back, and Tom swore he would do whatever he could to make Kerri normal again.

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_July 2008_

Kerri's hands shook as she gripped the steering wheel. The images in her head were bombarding her, attacking her. She had kept it at bay for so long, had controlled it for years, but now it was destroying her again. Ever since the episode at the house the barriers she'd spent over a decade building had all come crumbling down. She took her hands off the wheel for a second, shaking them, trying to get the tremors to stop. She couldn't lose it, not when she was driving at breakneck speed. Common sense told her to pull over, to get help, but she needed answers. The man she was looking for lived in Washington state, not too far. But to the redhead it may as well have been the moon.

She looked down at the phone sitting on the passenger seat when it began to ring again. Dean was nothing if not persistent. He'd been calling her non-stop, but Kerri refused to answer. She had rethought her plan over and over again, but she knew she had no other choice. Victor calling after all these years— and mere hours after the attack— was not a coincidence. Something was going on and it was something the boys didn't need to be involved in. This was her father's doing, and Kerri refused to lay anymore weight on the Winchesters' already burdened shoulders.

She didn't want to drag the boys down with her. Dean and Sam had too much to deal with, had overcome too many hurtles to be brought down by something her father had done. This was her family, her life, and it was her responsibility to fix it. She never should have left the note when she found Dean, she should have just taken comfort in the fact he was alive and moved on. But that was the thing, there was nowhere for her to move on to.

Brian knew who she really was now, and the doctor hadn't called her once since the revelation. It hurt Kerri deeper than she thought it would have. She'd been the one to call off the engagement after her sister's death, she'd been the one to leave Brian behind. But he always called to check on her, always kept in touch. Now, though, he was completely gone. She was more in love with him than she knew, more in love than she thought was actually possible for her. But she should have known— everything in her life ended badly, it was her curse.

Kerri closed her eyes, taking a deep breath— she needed to control her emotions. Stress seemed to trigger her attacks, trigger her memories, and she had learned long ago she needed to keep herself calm if she wanted any chance of fighting it. But then, in her life stress was all too real a problem. Everything she'd know, the life she'd built for herself was gone, crumbling, fading, and it had been since she was a toddler. She had never had a chance, never been normal— Tom Harrison had made sure of that.

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"When I find her I'm gonna kill her." Dean growled, immediately redialing after the call went to voicemail.

"Wouldn't that be counter productive."

Dean just scowled at his brother, pushing down harder on the accelerator in response. He really didn't need the peanut gallery at the moment. Besides, in a way this was Sam's fault. "Had you just answered your phone we wouldn't be having this problem."

"I was in the bathroom. And you can't watch her twenty four-seven."

"Watch me. When we get her back she's not leaving my sight."

"I'm sure that'll make her happy."

"I don't really care if she's happy. I care that she's safe."

"Dean—."

"Don't." Dean cut off his brother, knowing what the younger man was going to say. No matter what Dean did, no matter where he hid her, Kerri would never be safe. The promise he had made to her when he was eleven years old was a promise he would never be able to keep— that was painfully obvious now.

"You actually think you're gonna catch her?" Dean knew the change in topic was Sam's olive branch, and he took it. He couldn't focus on what might happen, he had to focus on what was happening now. "I mean, she's got a good fifteen minute head start on us."

Dean had gone up to get Sam, scolding the boy for being perfectly fine when he thought there was a chance he was hurt. Sam had just smirked, telling Dean it was perfectly normal for a human being to succumb to nature. Dean just rolled his eyes, heading downstairs. He hadn't wanted to leave Kerri alone for any real length of time, and so he made sure she wasn't out of his sight for more than a couple minutes. Unfortunately, that couple minutes was apparently enough time for the headstrong girl to fly the coop.

"I'll catch her." Dean took the challenge, pushing down harder on the accelerator. Kerri had no fear of speed, driving as recklessly as Dean at times— but then they had learned to drive together. Dean's only ace— the Impala had a bigger engine than the Firebird. Even if it wasn't enough to actually catch Kerri, he could put a big dent in her lead.

"So, this Rayner guy, I don't remember seeing anything in Tom's notes about him."

"I wouldn't think he'd leave a detailed account of the man he sold his daughter's soul to." Dean bit back bitterly. He had known Tom for ten years and while the hunter always seemed a little standoffish around Kerri, Dean was still having a hard time believing he would do this to her willingly. There had to be something else going on. What kind of father would give up his child?

"You didn't hear his voice, Dean."

"You didn't see him holding a baby Kerri, Sam." Dean shot back. Sam may have been hearing Rayner and Tom's conversation, but Evelyn had taken Dean to the actual day. "She was little, just a baby, and he still agreed. There's no defending him."

"I wasn't defending him."

"Yes, you were."

"I'm just saying, put yourself in his shoes."

"I never, ever would have done that to my child. If he really wanted to fix her he should have gone to a crossroads."

"Oh yeah, that would have been a great idea. Go to hell and leave her without a father."

"She still would have had her mother."

"But then there would have been no Evelyn."

"And no Yellow Eyes. It is never acceptable to give up your kid, no matter what you get in return."

Dean would not argue with his brother when he knew he was right. He didn't care how much Tom was probably hurting, didn't care how hard it must have been to see his only child left blind by an illness. Tom never should have made the deal with Rayner, no matter how many years of normal Kerri had after. He cursed her, put a bulls-eye on her, and Dean hoped the hunter was rotting in hell.


	2. Chapter 2

_hello everyone, thank you all for the great reviews, they make my day :). enjoy the next chapter. _

**DARKEST BEFORE DAWN**

Chapter 2

_September 1980_

It was the day Tom Harrison had been waiting for, for over a month. His little girl had been in the hospital a grand total of forty-eight days— but to the young father it felt like an eternity. He still couldn't believe something which seemed like a common cold had caused so many problems. Tom had never even heard of meningitis before this whole ordeal began— but now he knew more than he ever wanted to.

He had held out hope that his little girl would get through this, that she would come out with no lasting damage— but that wasn't the case. Just as the doctors predicted there had been many complications. She had lost the use of the right side of her body as well as her ability to speak. Tom could see the frustration in the little girl's eyes, his heart breaking when she tired to do everything she used to do and failed. Therapy was helping though, and she could speak clearer and walk with aid. The one thing no one could fix— her eyesight.

Tom had known something was wrong the moment the redhead opened her eyes. She had stared blankly around the room, crying. She only stopped fussing when Liz reached down, touching her face gently, whispering soothing words to calm her. The doctors, equally alarmed, took her into testing right away. It was there Tom's fears were confirmed— Kerri was blind. He had asked, hell he had begged the doctors to tell him it was temporary, that her sight would return. But that wasn't the case. Her optic nerves had been severely damaged by the fevers— she would never see again.

It was a blow that still had the father reeling. Kerri loved watching the butterflies in the yard. She would smile when their neighbor Anna came by with her new Lab puppy. She would stare at the sky all day, making shapes out of the clouds. Now she would do none of that, and there was nothing he could do about it. He had dreamed of a perfect life— hell he'd even bought the old house Liz loved so much as a surprise— but one illness changed everything. A few months ago he had a perfectly healthy little girl, and now all he had were the crumbled remains of what could have been perfection.

"Tom?"

Tom looked up at his wife's quiet voice. Liz was standing in front of him, Kerri asleep in her arms, a little blanked wrapped around her. Tom had loved Liz from the moment he laid eyes on her. But holding Kerri— she was even more beautiful.

"Are you ready?" she asked, shifting Kerri a little. The toddler sighed but remained asleep.

"Yes. Is everything ok?" Tom asked as he stood. "Is she ok to leave the hospital?"

"Yes, she's ok." Liz smiled.

"But—." Kerri was still blind, still had trouble walking and talking— she still needed constant care.

"I've spoken with Anna," Liz began as if she had read his mind. "She'll get her brother to help with the store so I can stay home with Kerri. Therapists will be by three times a week, too,"

"What about her eyes?"

Liz's smile wavered, her eyes growing distant and dull. She was trying to pretend nothing had happened, trying to convince herself Kerri was still normal. "We'll just have to learn to deal with it."

"I don't know if I can."

"For our daughter, you can." Liz placed her free hand on his arm. He took comfort in her strength, in her unwavering optimism. He didn't believe her, though. He didn't think he would be able to cope with his daughter's disability. But for Liz's sake, he'd try.

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_July 2008_

Kerri pulled up to the dark house, slowing as she made it up the long dirt drive. She knew the boys were following her and a part of her wanted to sit tight until the calvary arrived. But she had come alone for a reason. She didn't want Sam and Dean involved, didn't want them hurt. This was her family, her fight, it wasn't fair to drag the Winchesters into the middle of it.

She shut off the engine, the sounds of the night rising around her as she sat in the car. The images and memories were still there, but she had managed to keep them at bay. She wasn't as in control of them as she had been before the attack, but something was better than nothing. It didn't help that her hunts with Sam and Dean had filled her mind with more information. She knew everything she'd ever want to know about Tir-na-nog and William Bramhurst. She could still her Bruce Chetling's chilling voice as he asked her if she wanted to die. She remembered the Korrigan's face, could still picture baby Jake's deep blue eyes. And she could still remember the fires in the tunnels, and the accusing voice of a long dead woman as she tried to take Dean away. It was all there, added to the mix, and Kerri was afraid her mind was quickly reaching capacity.

When she was in her late teens and twenties her dad had kept close tabs on her. He always asked her where she was going and with who, always wanted to know what she was watching on TV or reading. At the time she didn't know what to make of it. Her dad was often aloof around her, choosing instead to turn a blind eye to her antics, to let her be herself. But Dean had always been there. She thought that was the answer— that her father feared for her safety when she wasn't with the other teen. Apparently, that wasn't the case. Tom knew more about the entire situation than Kerri could ever hope to know— and he knew exactly what her mind could hold before it overloaded.

The redhead studied the house for a few minutes, taking in every detail. It was set back in the woods, far away from any neighbors— you would only find it if you were looking for it. On one side of the house was a large shed and several junk cars, on the other was a large, well kept garden. It seemed out of place to Kerri, but then everything seemed out of place at that moment. She took another look at the two story house before closing her eyes and searching her mind— there had to be something. How could she know everything about the world around her but nothing of her own life?

She knew her dad had cultivated her mind, tended to it lake a world class garden— but something had to make it through the cracks. She knew Sam had determined she could only access things she had physically seen, but she knew there had to be some way to get past that loophole. What good was it to house all the world's information and not be able to use it? It was like being a human safety deposit box. She refocused, pushing the brothers out of her mind. She had to focus on the house in front of her, on the man she knew was waiting inside. Finally, after what felt like hours she caught a glimpse of what she was looking for.

_"It's only been a few years."_ _Kerri heard her father speak as she watched him pace across the kitchen of their old house. _

_"I'm just here for a visit."_ _A seedy looking man answered, and she knew instantly it was Victor Rayner. _

_"You have no right."_

_"I have every right. After all, a part of her—."_

_"No part of her belongs to you."_

_"I can take it back, you know. Leave her as she was."_

_"I don't think you can. It's irreversible."_

_"Does Kerri know that?"_ _Rayner sneered._

_"I don't—."_

_"Don't what— use her? Even I know that's a lie. Word travels fast in the hunting world. Besides, I know you can't stand the temptation. So tell me, Tom, what have you taught her?"_

_Kerri backed out of the small kitchen. She knew this was all just a memory, something which happened over twenty years ago— but that didn't change anything. She turned when she heard a small sneeze to her left, and her heart nearly stopped. There she was, no more than three years old, holding her favorite blanket. The child was staring at her father and Rayner, her blue eyes wide, and Kerri knew even at that age, she understood. _

Kerri pushed open the car door quickly, running to the back of the Firebird before getting sick. Her head was pounding, but it was her heart which was truly breaking. They were in her old house, which meant her mom was still alive, and Evelyn probably wasn't even born yet. Even then Tom had been using her— a mere tool on a hunt, and it left Kerri reeling. She was doomed even before the Yellow Eyed Demon came on the scene.

She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, moving to the side of the car before sitting down. She leaned back against the tire, the rubber and metal still warm from the long drive. She was shaking again, but this time, Kerri didn't try to stop it. She couldn't hold back the flood anymore, and at that moment she wasn't sure she wanted to. She didn't want Rayner or anyone else getting the information inside her head— but she didn't have the power to fight it.

Kerri's heart nearly stopped when she felt something cool press against the back of her neck.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you."

Kerri looked up at the voice, pushing herself back against the car when her eyes met Victor Rayner's. She knew she should get away from him, knew he was the bad guy, but at that moment her overloaded mind couldn't process anything.

"You don't look well, let me help you." Victor reached down to Kerri, pulling her to her feet. She swayed and had it not been for the man standing in front of her she would have fallen. He guided her up the stairs, her head pounding so hard she could barely see.

The main room of the house was dark, the air around her heavy with smoke and herbs. She fell into the soft sofa, leaning back as her migraine continued to grow. She was with the enemy, completely defenseless, but she couldn't focus on that at the moment. She was still being assaulted by her own body, her mind attacking her with more force than she would have thought possible.

"Here, take this." Rayner returned to her side, pushing a cold glass into her hand.

"What is it?"

"Just drink it, it will help. Trust me."

Those were the last words Kerri heard. She put the glass to her lips— she needed relief, and she didn't care where it came from. She finished off the sweet tasting drink, blinking a few times before sinking down into the soft leather sofa and drifting off to darkness.

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Dean slowed the car as they came down the long drive. He eyed the house, his heart rate increasing when he saw the Firebird. He didn't think Kerri would have waited for him, but the empty car still sent a shock-wave through him. For the first time in a very long time he felt like he could actually lose the impulsive redhead. She had grown too distant, the chasm their fathers had created between them suddenly too great a distance for Dean to bridge.

"Dean?"

Dean turned at his name. Sam was sitting beside him, his eyes lingering on him for a moment before turning his attention to the house. Something was different about Sam, Dean could feel it, he just couldn't place it.

"Yeah." Dean answered, pushing open the car door. He knew his brother was thinking the same thing— they needed to get Kerri out of there and fast.

"I'm sure she's ok, Dean."

"You're sure, are you? Your bat senses telling you that?"

"No— but if she wasn't. I mean."

"Yeah, I know, Sam." Dean wanted to believe he would feel it if something happened to Kerri— but they hadn't gotten any 'feelings' when Evelyn died. The truth of the matter was they wouldn't know anything without going inside. He wouldn't know Kerri was gone unless he saw it for himself.

Dean pulled the gun from his waistband, signaling Sam to do the same. When his brother nodded he moved forward. The house looked innocent enough, but Dean knew looks could be deceiving. His steps were quiet, the loose dirt around the yard muffling any sounds. Dean narrowed his eyes, taking in his surroundings, the hunter replacing the friend. With practiced precision he and Sam moved forward, each covering each other, both on alert for surprise attack.

Kerri's mind held the secrets of the supernatural world— but it also held the secrets of the Winchesters. Dean knew their enemies would use Kerri to gain an advantage over them, it was the way of war. Kerri knew what drove both he and Sam, knew their weaknesses, knew their fears— she knew them better than anyone. And if Rayner had already harvested her mind, then he knew all the brothers' secrets, too.

"You can drop the guns, your friend is fine."

Dean spun at the voice, his gun still raised, aimed now at the man on the side of the house. The man was tall, nearly Sam's height, with short jet black hair and an unkept beard, a hint of grey decorating both. His eyes were slightly wild, the dark gaze taking in both brothers, studying them. He brought his hands up when Dean refused to lower the gun.

"If you shoot me, who's going to help you."

"I don't need any help." Dean bit back, his eyes never leaving the man.

"You wouldn't be here if you didn't."

"Where's Kerri?" Dean wasn't going to let this man play games with him. He was going to get Kerri, and then he was going to get the hell out of there.

"She's inside resting."

"What did you do to her?"

"Today? I gave her something for her headache, but other than that nothing. I'm not your enemy, Dean."

"I'll be the judge of that." Dean answered, his senses jumping at his name— as far as he knew, Rayner and he had never met.

"I warned Tom Harrison of the risks. I told him I would not be the one controlling the outcome. He went along with it anyway. Need I remind you none of this was my idea."

"You called a few hours after she was attacked, that's not a coincidence."

"I didn't say it was. I knew time was running out, I was trying to help. I'm still trying to help." Rayner added, motioning to the garden he was standing in. "I'm trying to see if there's anyway I can combat the side effects."

"How about getting the memories out of her head."

"I can't do that. But I can try to suppress them. Like Kerri used to do herself. Maybe with time I can suppress them to a point where they'll be virtually gone."

"Why can't she manage it on her own anymore?" Sam asked. He was standing behind Dean, and while Dean wanted nothing more than for Sam to just go in and get Kerri, he knew the younger man wanted to know the truth. This wasn't something they could run from, this was something attacking Kerri from the inside, and though he would never admit it to Rayner, they did need help.

"The memories are too many for her to handle. Think of it like a levy. She was strong enough before the first attack, but only just. She was weakened and now she can no longer control the flood."

"But you can?" Dean asked, his voice sharp.

"I can try. She's unique, I can't give you any guarantees."

Unique, that's exactly what Kerri was. Even before the truth came out Dean had never known anyone like her. Reluctantly, Dean dropped the gun. He needed to save her, to give her a fighting chance, and if this was their only option then so be it. He was losing both of them, he could feel it, and he didn't know how to stop it. Tom's mistakes were taking Kerri from him and Sam seemed to be drifting away, a barrier growing between him and the rest of the world. Even surrounded by his family, Dean Winchester was still alone.

"I don't like this." Dean whispered to Sam, the pair following Victor into the house.

"And I do? This is our only option, Dean."

"Why. Kerri's got all the information in the world in her head and you're the walking geek encyclopedia. Why are we relying on some stranger?"

"Because that stranger is the one who did this."

"Exactly my point."

"And my point is that by the time Kerri and I figure this all out it might be too late. We don't know what's coming so why not go to the source and solve the problem quicker."

"What if it's the 'source' that's hiding all the secrets."

"She'll be fine, Dean."

"How can you be so sure about that."

"Just trust me." Sam breathed, pushing past Dean once they entered the living room.

Dean studied his brother for a moment. Something was different, something was off, but he couldn't place it. It was almost like there was something else there, hiding beneath the surface. He gave the younger man one more glance before turning his attention to the room around him. It was dark, the air heavy with smoke and other things Dean didn't care to know about. Rayner was a witch, that much Dean knew.

His eyes immediately found Kerri. She was laying on the large sofa, a blanket draped across her. She looked peaceful, more relaxed than he'd seen her in a while. Even when Kerri was asleep she was restless, her body barely resting. But there in Rayner's house she was completely still— and it put Dean even more on edge.

"You call this helping?" Dean snapped, sitting beside Kerri's still form.

"She's no longer in pain."

"Yeah, cause she's unconscious."

"Dean." Sam began, stepping between Dean and Rayner.

Dean took a deep breath, sharing a long look with Sam before turning back to Kerri. He'd let his brother deal with Rayner for the moment, right now all he wanted to do was get Kerri out of the house. He reached down, wrapping one arm around her shoulders when he heard Rayner speak again.

"What are you doing?"

"Going home."

"You can't." Rayner stepped forward, Sam intercepting him before he had the chance to get near the pair. Dean wasn't sure if Sam stopped Victor for Kerri's safety or to keep Dean from killing him. Whichever reason was fine with Dean, as long as Rayner stayed away from them.

"And why's that?" Sam asked, standing straighter. Dean had to smirk, his little brother could be intimidating when he wanted to be.

"What's happening to her now is only going to get worse. Picking her up and running isn't going to help her."

"And leaving her here isn't going to help her either. You said so yourself."

"Still, I know more about what's going on than you do. With what Kerri's learned— once she wakes, I can talk to her."

"No." Dean broke in, he knew exactly where this was going. "She's not talking to you."

"But together."

"There's no together. You're not using her as a piece of research."

"Dean, with my talents and her knowledge—."

"No. I'm gonna say this only once, what's in Kerri's mind belongs to her and no one else."

"The knowledge belongs to the world."

"It belongs to no one. We're erasing it and that's that."

"There's no way to destroy it, no way to erase it. You have to believe me, I'm on your side." Rayner held up his hands, his voice growing more desperate. "Someone's going to get what's in her mind sooner or later. But if we go through it now, if we learn what she knows now, we'll at least have a chance of fighting it."

"There's no we. You're not part of this."

"Dean, hear him out." Sam began quietly. Dean turned on his brother instantly, not believing what he was hearing.

"Sammy, this is killing her. You saw her at the house, you were at the Roadhouse— how can you go against everything you've seen?"

"Dean, I'm not going against it all, I'm just saying we have to pursue other options. Hiding our heads in the sand isn't going to help."

"I'm not hiding my head in the sand—."

"Giving her a lobotomy isn't going to help either. Look, we don't know how to stop this. Until we know more I think we need to keep our options open."

"He's right."

Dean turned at the quiet voice, surprised to see Kerri's blue eyes staring back up at him. "Ker—."

"Sam's right." She repeated, holding a hand out to Dean. He pulled her up, propping a few of the pillows behind her. She was shaky and pale, the attack on her mind obviously more detrimental than she was letting on. But she was awake, and at that moment it was all Dean had the energy to focus on.

"But the Tricksters."

"Oh, I'm not planning on telling anyone what I know." Kerri smirked, her eyes drifting to Rayner. "But I do think we need to keep our options open."

"I don't like it, Ker."

"I came here for a reason, Dean, and I'm not leaving."

"You've been around her longer than I have, Sam." Rayner began, turning to Sam. It still unnerved Dean that a man they'd never met seemed to know them. "Maybe you know more than I do."

"Yeah, maybe. You guys ok?" Sam asked, turning to Dean and Kerri.

"We're good. Be careful, Sammy, and keep an eye on him." Dean added under his breath.

Sam just nodded before following Rayner out of the room. Dean didn't want to split up at that moment, but he knew it was for the better. Rayner was up to something, of that Dean was certain, and he knew they needed a more subtle approach. Dean Winchester was many things, but subtle wasn't one of them. He turned back to Kerri, sighing as he looked her over. This was going to be a long night.


	3. Chapter 3

_hello everyone. thank you all for the great reviews, they make my day :) enjoy the next chapter. my younger brother's wedding is next week, so there might be a little bit of a wait before the next chapter. it's already written, it just depends on when i get time to post. _

**DARKEST BEFORE DAWN**

Chapter 3

_July 2008_

Kerri sat on the sofa, watching Dean pace back and forth in front of her. She had tried to get him to stop a few times now, but was greeted with little more than a grunt and stern glance. So instead she chose to sit quietly and let Dean stew. She knew he was hurting, and she knew she was the cause— but that's why she ran from him in the first place. She didn't want him involved, didn't want him to watch someone else he loved die. But Dean was both stubborn and loyal, and Kerri knew he would never leave her behind. It was the core of their problem. Kerri couldn't be saved, and Dean wouldn't stop until he made sure she was safe— they had divergent futures, and the redhead knew nothing would change that.

"You know you're making me nervous." Kerri finally spoke up. Dean was getting anxious, and an anxious Dean was never a good thing.

"At least your getting some emotion." Dean shot back, continuing his pacing.

"Look, I know you're pissed—."

"Pissed? Pissed doesn't even begin to cover it, Kerri. You left."

"I know."

"You left and went straight to the bad guy— alone."

"I know."

"Do you know what that did to me?" Dean finally stopped pacing. He was facing her, his green eyes piercing, raw emotion reflected in them.

Kerri didn't have an answer. She thought she knew Dean and his reaction, but seeing him now— she wasn't so sure. She looked down at her hands, unable to maintain eye contact with Dean. He looked so hurt, so broken, and she knew she was responsible for it. "I'm sorry."

"Kerri." Dean sighed, sitting next to her— but she cut him off.

"I'm sorry I'm not who I used to be. What we had when we were young, it's gone, and I'm sorry for that."

"You don't owe me an apology."

"But I owe you an explanation. I've changed, Dean, and not for the better. I'm not the person you once knew. It was selfish of me to pull you into my mess, and for that I'm sorry."

"Kerri, I—."

"No you wouldn't have. Had I just left you there you would have moved on. I left your heart and mind a long time ago— I know that now. You have your own demons to fight, you shouldn't have to fight mine, too. Had I not left that note you never would have come back, and maybe things would have been better that way."

"Better for who?" Dean's voice cracked. His hands were resting on Kerri's leg, and they were shaking. She knew Dean couldn't say good-bye, but Kerri also knew he had to.

"For Sam. Something's happening to him, he's hiding something."

"Don't change the subject." Dean snapped. "I'm talking about you and me, Kerri, about what we need. Who benefits if you decide to check out?"

"I do." Kerri answered softly, the sad truth finally shinning through. "It's past my time here, Dean."

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

"My family's gone. My future's gone. I'm just a memory. You need to let me go."

"No."

"There's a war coming. Yellow Eyes is coming, and it's a war I'm not meant to fight. Sam's the only one of the special kids left, and if you keep trying to save me you're going to end up losing him."

"Why do you think I can't save you both?"

"Because you're just one man, Dean. I trust you with my life, I always have, but the world's bigger that just you and me now."

A soft knock made the pair turn. Sam was standing in the doorway, his eyes traveling between them. Kerri knew he had been listening to them, but she also knew what she said was something they both needed to hear. They were standing on the battlements, and the brink of war was no place for matters of the heart. Her childhood was richer because of the Winchesters— but they were no longer children and it was time they let each other go. Sam and Dean stood a chance, all of her second chances were used up.

"Am I interrupting?"

"No," Kerri broke in before Dean could answer. "No, we're finished."

Sam was silent another few minutes, studying the pair before answering. "Rayner thinks he found something."

"What do you think?" Dean cut in.

"I don't trust him. But what he was explaining, I think it might work."

"Might? I thought there was no way to reverse it."

"Rayner put a fail-safe in so no bad guys could take the info. He thought that would keep him out, too, but there might be a backdoor."

"I'm not doing it if he gets what I know." Kerri spoke up. She would take all she knew to the grave with her if she had to. "This was all done by some demon who want's to be the grand librarian— and I'm not about to let that happen."

"Do you know how much could be lost? You have the world's knowledge in your head, Kerri."

Kerri smirked as Sam's geek side took over. "What I know needs to be lost, Sam."

Sam looked like he was going to fight her but instead dropped his shoulders, letting out a long sigh. He rubbed his eyes before speaking. "I found an incantation in an old book, it works kind of like an exorcism. Rayner pulls the info but the incantation dissipates the energy before it can be taken by anything. It'll all just vanish. But, Ker, we don't know what it will do to you."

"What do you mean?" Dean asked, his eyes going from Sam to Kerri.

"Rayner doesn't think he'll be able to tell the difference between information and memories. It's all technically the same thing."

"On the phone Rayner said he couldn't reverse it— that the process was organic."

"It might erase you guys?" Kerri breathed, her eyes drifting between the brothers. Forgetting Sam and Dean was a nightmare she hadn't prepared for.

"And Tom and Evelyn and Valley."

"Then think of another way." Dean spoke up, his voice sharp.

"I'll do it."

"What--Ker?" Dean's eyes snapped to her, raw emotion written across his face. But the truth of the matter was that they had forgotten her— and maybe she should have stayed forgotten.

"I don't want this to go on forever, Dean. I wanna stop running, and if this is what I have to do, then, you know."

"You heard Sammy, everything in your life, the last twenty-nine years— it could all be gone."

"It was all gone a long time ago. I'm tired of closing my eyes and seeing everything I've lost, of being forced to relive the worse moments of my life. I can still see Evelyn dying, I can still see Sam being pulled underground. I can still see the Watcher's eyes and hear Tom and John's raised voices. And I can still hear the Demon's voice as he burned my mom alive. It's all in my head, all there like it just happened yesterday, and ever since the attack it's gotten worse. I just want it to stop, Dean."

Dean closed his eyes, leaning forward until his forehead was resting on Kerri's. The redhead fell into his touch, fell into the protection Dean always offered. He had saved her countless times, had given her the childhood she had loved so dearly— but even Dean Winchester couldn't save her now. Tom had sealed Kerri's fate decades ago, and from that moment on, she never stood a chance.

66666666666666

_November 1980_

Tom Harrison sat on the sofa, staring off into nothing. Life had changed more drastically than he had ever imagined possible. Two months ago doctors had given his little girl back to him broken— and despite what everyone had been saying he had not adapted to it. Kerri needed constant care, constant monitoring— but she was still fiercely independent. The toddler tried to do everything she had done before her illness, and the never ending failure was starting to have a devastating effect on his daughter. She had grown more withdrawn as the days past, and it was scaring Tom. She had stopped trying to talk, had stopped smiling— she was slowly falling off into her own little world.

"Tom?"

Tom looked up at the sound of his name. Anna Matthews had been spending as much time at the house as her busy schedule allowed. Anna and Liz had grown up together in Valley, Tom was an outsider. He had stopped in Valley, Wyoming by pure chance, a hunt having brought him to the remote area— but it was Elizabeth Mckeen who made him stay. She had a fire, a grit and determination unlike any he had ever seen.

He could still remember the first day he laid eyes on her. She was waitressing at the local diner, he was a hunter passing through town, chasing a lead. That was fiver years ago— and now his life was more different than he could have imagined. He never thought he'd settle down, not after the things he had seen and done, but Liz changed him— she saved him.

"Yeah, Anna?"

"Dinner's almost ready."

"Alright." Tom nodded, the smell of turkey and gravy drifting through his haze filled mind. It was like a bastardized version of normal. Here he was waiting for Thanksgiving dinner as his little girl slowly fell into a world of darkness.

"How's she doing?" Anna motioned to Kerri. The toddler was in the middle of the room, her playpen full of dolls— but she wasn't playing with any of them. She was just staring off into space, her eyes unseeing, her small body jerking at the slightest sound. She was even more vulnerable than she had been, completely unprepared for attack, every enemy unseen. He couldn't let her live a life like that.

"Same." Tom answered absently.

Anna sighed, but Tom wasn't about to listen to another lecture from the woman. After all, Anna had been the one to tell Liz she should have dropped him like a bad habit years ago.

"Now is not the time, Anna."

"I've given Liz a few brochures for special schools. I think you should get Kerri into one as soon as possible. Maybe after the holidays?"

"Look, I appreciate the help, but this is my family."

"And Liz is my friend."

"Mama?" The adults turned to the voice, their eyes landing on a little boy standing in the doorway.

"Yes, Keith?" Anna asked.

"Aunt Liz says dinner's ready." The three year old announced proudly.

"Alright, Sweetie, why don't you take Kerri to her mommy." Anna smiled, lifting Kerri out of the playpen.

Tom stood quickly, making to grab his daughter, but Anna placed a hand against his chest. Kerri looked momentarily panicked, but relaxed when Keith wrapped his hand around her's. She stayed close to the older boy as she walked, matching her steps to his, almost like she was steering herself based on the sound of the footsteps. The moment the children turned the corner Anna spoke.

"I know you're hurting, Tom, but Kerri needs to accept her disability. And so do you."

"I'll find a way to fix this."

"There's no fixing, just learning."

"Like I said before, this is my family, Anna, let me deal with it in my own way."

"You aren't dealing with it, you're hiding."

"I'm dealing with it." Tom answered before turning toward the kitchen. He was dealing with it, just in ways Anna would never understand, hell Liz didn't even know who he really was. From the day Kerri fell sick Tom had been searching the supernatural world for answers. There had to be some way to fix this, he just had to keep looking.

Kerri had been normal, perfect, but his mistake had stolen away her future. And Tom Harrison would be damned if his little girl had to suffer because of his shortcomings.

666666666666666

_July 2008_

"I don't like this, Sam." Evelyn stated again.

Sam just closed his eyes, praying for patience. Gone was the quiet spirit which had latched onto him— opinionated Evelyn was back in force.

"Evelyn—."

"I didn't tell you what I knew so you could bring my sister to the bad guy."

"You're right, you didn't tell me anything. All I know is the little tidbits that slipped through."

"I still don't think this is a good idea." Evelyn answered, almost as though Sam hadn't spoke.

Sam sighed— one moment she seemed real, and the next it was like listening to a tape recording. It was a sad reminder that the girl sitting in front of him was in fact dead. The young hunter had tried holding conversations with her, had tried getting through to his long lost friend, but all he managed to get were her cryptic messages. All Evelyn could do was complete the mission she'd given herself, and that single-mindedness was the hurtle Sam was currently facing.

"Then what would you do?"

"Leave." Evelyn whispered, her eyes locked on Sam.

He could feel her beginning to drift, beginning to fall back into the fear which had controlled much of Evelyn's adult life. "What about the shield thing you taught me, like at the house?" Sam asked, trying to keep the other brunette focused. He needed to keep her mind set on the present and not the past.

"Yes, we can do that no matter where we go."

"So I can keep her shielded here."

"Yes."

"Good, then we can stay here and get some answers."

"There aren't any answers here, Sam, only mistakes." Evelyn whispered, her pale eyes turning toward the door. Slowly, the now familiar voices began to rise again.

_"What happens now?"_

_"Now life if normal. But when the time comes I get what's mine."_

Sam closed his eyes, leaning back against the sofa in Evelyn's old living room. The brunette was afraid of what she knew, afraid of all the mistakes which had led them all to that moment. Sam needed to help her, but how do you ease the fears of a ghost?

Sam sighed, looking back over at his long time friend. Evelyn was sitting on the sofa, her eyes locked on the door, even though her gaze was far more distant. She was dead, Sam knew that in his heart, but when he looked at her it was hard to see the truth. He could still remember their camping trips, could still remember long days in Valley. To Sam she wasn't a ghost of the past— she was his friend. He was just about to speak when something slapped his cheek.

"Ow." Sam started, blinking a few times. He was no longer in the apartment, he knew that instantly. The room was dark, the air around him thick with cigar smoke and who knew what else.

"Wakey, wakey."

Sam looked up at his smirking brother before groaning. He was laying on a sofa at Rayner's house. He had left Kerri and Dean alone after relaying the information he and Rayner had found. The true magnitude of what they were facing devastated Sam, and he could only imagine what it was doing to his brother. "Real nice, Dean."

"Hey, I'm not the guy who decided to take a nap at the bad guy's house in the middle of a crisis."

"I was resting my eyes."

"Sure. Was it Evelyn?"

"What? No, I told you she's been gone."

"Has she?"

"Yeah, Dean. Look, we found her secret room, we got Kerri to someone who could help, she showed you what Yellow Eyes did— maybe she got her point across. How's Kerri doing?" Sam asked, both desperate to change the subject and concerned for the redhead. He didn't know what he would do if Dean found out what Evelyn had taught him, what Dean would do if he learned his little brother had the blood of a demon running through his veins.

Dean eyed him, staring him down for a moment before sighing. "She's out resting in the Impala, I figured she was safer there. You come up with anything other than crappy plan A."

Sam rolled his eyes. His plan wasn't all that crappy because he could keep Kerri safe with the tricks Evelyn had taught him. The problem was that Dean would neither understand nor accept him using psychic abilities. "No."

"Good, then we go with plan B."

"I just said there wasn't a plan B."

"No, you said you didn't have one, I never said anything about myself."

"Dean."

"I'm not letting that creepy guy in her mind."

"He won't be."

"Yes, he will."

"What's running gonna accomplish, Dean? There isn't some demon chasing her. The problem is Kerri herself."

"Kerri is not a problem. This isn't her fault."

"I didn't say it was. I'm just saying that no matter where she goes she's gonna have this— affliction."

"So give her up to the bad guy who started all this?"

"The guy who started this is dead."

"Tom? Last I checked he didn't do this."

"He didn't? This is all because of him. He should have left well enough alone."

"Well enough? Kerri was blind."

"And she was young enough to adapt to it."

"Are you kidding me, Sammy?"

"None of this would be happening now if Tom just let fate take it's course."

"You're right, none of this would be happening. But that's because Kerri wouldn't be the Kerri we know. The girl we know is the one who was healed, the girl who doesn't remember being blind. I don't know if we would have had the same friendship otherwise."

"She still would have been the same person."

"No, she wouldn't have been. We know a Kerri with no limits, a girl who did whatever she wanted whenever she wanted— even at six. She wouldn't have been that independent if she was blind. Yeah, she might have had the same spirit, but she wouldn't have been the same girl."

"So basically she is who she is because of what's happening now."

"Sammy," Dean warned his brother. Sam knew the older man didn't like having his own argument thrown back at him.

"Look. Blaming people isn't going to help. We have to deal with what's going on now, and not how we got here."

Dean slammed his fist against the wall, turning away from Sam. The brunette watched his brother for what seemed like an eternity. It was agonizing to witness. Sam knew what Kerri meant to his brother, knew the bond they shared. And he also knew what breaking that bond would do to the pair.

Sam could hear Evelyn's voice in his head— telling him to run, whispering her warning over and over again. But for some reason Sam knew they couldn't run. If they didn't fix this now, then he was afraid there would be no more Kerri. The redhead was the last link to the Harrisons Sam had— and he didn't think he would be able to handle losing that. He had forgotten about the small family, had spent over a decade completely unaware of their presence. But now he remembered them, now they had come back, and he would fight hell itself to keep them.


	4. Chapter 4

_hi again. thank you everyone for the great reviews. the action starts to pick up in this chapter..... as does the mystery ;). enjoy. _

**DARKEST BEFORE DAWN**

Chapter 4

_July 2008_

Rayner walked slowly around the small room, double checking the symbols, making sure everything was ready to go. It wasn't hard to convince the younger Winchester that he was a good guy. Hell, the boy was so eager to save Kerri Harrison he actually helped Victor drawn the sigils which would more than likely end her life. But it needed to be done. Nearly thirty years ago Victor had made one thing perfectly clear to Tom— when the time came he would get what belonged to him, no matter what. From the moment the weathered father and hunter shook his hand the redhead's fate was sealed, and nothing would change that.

Victor looked back out the door, over to the living room where he knew both the Winchester brothers were. Sam intrigued him. Rayner had heard about Evelyn Harrison, but he had never actually met the psychic. She was supposed to join their ranks, supposed to be one of Azazel's soldiers, a central part of the Demon's new order, but that plan had backfired. Azazel thought the truth would strengthen Evelyn's bond with him, that it would break her of her family forever— but it had done just the opposite. When Evelyn learned her sister was in danger, everything else in the world stopped. It was a shame, from what the Demon had told him she was incredibly powerful.

But Sam, he was Azazel's pride and joy. There were many marked children, but only two Azazel had ever taken a special interest in, and only one he was obsessed with. Sam Winchester was the center of his world, the apex of a plan decades in the making— and a plan that was now only a few years away from coming to fruition. For years Victor couldn't figure out how one boy could be so important, but that was before he'd met the shaggy haired hunter. There was something different about the boy, something tangible, like pure energy, and it left Rayner both baffled and impressed.

Once Azazel got the information from Kerri and had control of Sam Winchester, he would be unstoppable. And that was where Victor's safeguard came into place. When he had created the spell, he used his own blood as part of the ceremony. And in so doing, he created a bond between himself and Kerri— one no one could undo. He was the only being on earth capable of retrieving the information housed in Kerri's mind, and he was also the only one who could keep it safe once harvested, meaning the Demon had to keep him around. If there was one thing Victor Rayner knew, it was to keep your enemies close.

Satisfied with his work, Victor turned back toward the door. He had waited long enough to learn the secrets of the world, had waited long enough for his prize— it was time to harvest Kerri Harrison.

66666666666666

Kerri drifted in and out of sleep as she laid across the backseat of the Impala. The smell of the leather relaxed her, the feel of the familiar seats calming her. To Kerri the Impala was the embodiment of the Winchesters, and she felt safer in it. It was like an extension of Dean. As a child she could hear the engine's deep growl as it drove down the long dirt drive, and the sound would always ease her fears. And as an adult she waited for the familiar sound, waited for redemption, for the peace and safety Dean offered. He was like her own personal guardian, and though she knew it added more weight to his shoulders, she always let herself fall under his protection. Until now, that is.

She needed to break away, needed to push them way. She was drowning, falling, and they didn't need to go down with her. But something in the back of her mind told her she was too late. There was a nagging bit of information, something just below the surface she needed to remember. But for the life of her she couldn't pull the memory from her twisting mind. She closed her eyes, focusing on Dean, focusing on a darkness she felt building within her.

She fell back against the cool leather seat as her mind gave way to the past, darkness enveloping her. She felt tired, more tired than she had ever been, but still she searched for the elusive memory. She felt cheated by her own mind— this was something she had learned, some piece of information she needed, and she was unable to get at it. She forgot about the world around her as she chased the thought, forgot about the Impala, forgot about Rayner. All she could focus on was the darkness, and the Winchesters.

There was danger in the shadows, Kerri could feel it deep in her bones. Something was after the brothers, something she knew about, something which was almost on their doorstep. Time was running out. Kerri pushed harder, charging through the shadow, forcing her mind to focus. It hurt. It felt like she was being ripped apart, like walking through a sea of knives— but she didn't care. She had caught a glimpse of a long buried secret and she wouldn't stop until she found out what her own mind was hiding. Slowly the pain grew, but the darkness lessened.

_The floorboards creaked slightly as the small girl came down the hall, her bare-feet silent in the heavy night. She had heard others in the hall, footsteps which had woken her from sleep. Something was there, something bad, she could feel it. She walked by her parents' room, her dad's soft snores coming to the child through the open door. She glanced in, and it was then she noticed her mother wasn't there. _

_Slowly, she turned her attention to the long hall, a dim light shining from her sister's room. She walked quietly down the hall, stopping for a moment when she heard the faucet turn on in the bathroom, her mom coughing quietly on the other side of the closed door. It was then the little girl's heart began to race. She knew someone was in the last room, she could almost sense it, feel its presence like a fast approaching storm. She thought it was her mom and dad, but now she knew it was something else. _

_She continued down the hall, listening as her baby sister began to fuss. She came up to the partially open door, peering in before sliding soundlessly through the small crack. She quickly moved to a darkened corner, watching as a strange man leaned over her sister's crib. He was holding his wrist and he was bleeding. The girl watched in horror as the blood dripped into her sister's mouth, the baby crying and fussing as the blood entered. A moment later their mom came through the door. _

Kerri was ice cold, pain tearing through her body as the familiar image of her mom being burned alive flashed before her eyes, the demon's words echoing again as the darkness once more took hold. But, instead of waking to the Impala, the heavy darkness remained. Kerri tried to push through it again, but she collapsed, falling to the floor of her old house as her body began to shut down. She felt like she had run a marathon, all her energy spent. She tried to call out, but the shadows were all around her now, pressing down on her, suffocating her.

She stayed down for what felt like an eternity, fighting the darkness, fighting for air. Her chest hurt, her body riddled with a burning pain. But instead of giving into the pain Kerri focused on it, searching for its source. She had fallen into the memory, and she couldn't pull herself back out. Slowly, though, the shadows began to give way. The pain was overwhelming, but other sensations were coming to her. She felt cold earth beneath her, a light breeze blowing across her face. And suddenly she felt air being forced into her lungs.

She tried to take a breath, tried to hold onto the oxygen, but it was gone just as fast. A moment later there was a pounding on her chest, like someone was using her ribs for a punching bag. Then another breath came, and another. Once again Kerri tried to pull the air deeper but her tired body wasn't able to. Instead Kerri felt herself begin to drift back into the shadows. But a quiet voice, almost too faint to hear, kept her from the void.

"Come on, Ker."

Again she felt the pounding on her chest, and again the breath being forced into her body. With all the strength she could find she tried to pull in a breath, willing her body to fight back against the darkness. And, after what felt like an eternity underwater, she managed to pull in oxygen on her own.

The cold air assaulted her lungs, making her cough violently. She felt her body being rolled to the side, and she curled into herself as the pain in her lungs and chest spiked. She coughed long and hard, struggling to pull in much needed air between gags. As her breathing slowly evened out she felt herself being pulled off the ground, her body coming to rest against something solid and warm. She took another deep breath, fighting off another round of coughing as the smell of leather and gun oil filled her senses. She relaxed, falling back into the comforting arms, taking another deep breath as she forced her eyes open.

Dean.

Kerri shivered as she continued her climb back from the abyss, Dean wrapping his arms around her tighter. She was afraid to look him in the face, afraid to see the fear she knew was there. But she was also afraid of what she had seen, of what the Demon had done to Evelyn and most likely Sam. It changed everything.

"You scared the shit out of me." Dean breathed after a short time, his voice cracking as he strengthened his grip on her.

Kerri's blue eyes finally focused on the world around her. She was on the ground beside the Impala, Dean behind her. Rayner was standing in front of them, studying them, while Sam was coming back from the house with a blanket and some water. Kerri shivered again, terrified by what had happened. She had searched her mind before, but it had never stopped her heart.

"Sorry." Kerri managed weakly, her voice barely more than a whisper.

"What happened?" Dean asked, taking the water from Sam as the brunette draped the blanket over her.

Kerri was going to tell Dean she didn't know, was going to spare him the awful truth, but she knew it was the last thing he needed at that moment. She had been dead, technically at least, and Dean had to give her CPR to get her back— she couldn't keep anymore secrets from him.

"Can was talk alone." She whispered, turning to Dean. He looked completely terrified, and it broke Kerri's heart.

"Why?"

"Just you and me, Dean. Can we talk?"

"Yeah."

"You can take her inside." Rayner began. The way he was studying her was making Kerri uncomfortable. "There's a spare room upstairs."

"No." Kerri began quickly. She wanted to be somewhere safe. "Can we talk in the car?"

"Yeah." Dean rubbed her arms before pulling her to her feet. Kerri swayed, but Dean kept her standing.

She slid gingerly into the passenger seat, her body still one big ball of aches and pains. Dean closed the door behind her, rounding the car just as Sam made to climb in the back. "Just Dean."

"What?" Sam asked, his hurt puppy eyes locking in place.

"I just wanna talk to Dean. Sorry." Kerri answered sheepishly, shrugging her shoulders.

"Uh sure, no problem. I'll go see if Rayner's got the sigils and stuff worked out."

"Thanks, Sam."

"So," Dean began, closing the door and watching his brother disappear back into the house. "Are you gonna tell me why I came outside and found you laying in the back of my car not breathing and without a pulse?"

Kerri could see the fear the entire situation caused shining in her friend's deep green eyes, and she dreaded telling him the truth. But she knew there was no other choice. "I caught a glimpse of a memory, so I chased it."

"You chased it?"

"Yeah. It was like a shadow. I felt it had something to do with you, so I followed it. But my mind's so screwed up I couldn't catch it. It hurt to follow it, but I knew I couldn't let it go."

"So you just ran into it, even as it tore you apart?"

"I was afraid of not knowing."

"And?"

"And— I caught it."

"Kerri?"

"I saw it, Dean. I knew all this time and I forgot I knew." Kerri said in a rush, tears running down her face, her breathing coming in short, shallow gasps. "I could have fixed so much, I could have warned them, but I forgot I saw it. I forgot I knew."

"Kerri, calm down. It's ok, just calm down."

"It isn't ok."

"Do you wanna tell me?"

"No. Dean, I would give anything not to tell you, but I can't lie anymore. I can't hide this. I don't even know why I remembered. It just flashed to the surface and I couldn't stop following it."

"Kerri, what?"

"The night my mom died. I didn't go after she went like I thought, I went before. She was in the bathroom, my dad was sleeping. I snuck in cause I knew someone was there. I don't know how I knew, I just felt it. I saw— I saw the Demon. He was by the crib, staring. And then he cut himself."

"He what?"

"The Demon started bleeding, and he made Evelyn drink it. Then my mom came in and saw it and she died. That's when the Demon smirked at me and told me life was a bitch. He knew I saw what he did, and he killed my mom but not me. Dean, it's why the Demon was there in the first place."

"What was, Kerri? What are you trying to tell me?"

"All the special kids drank demon blood. It's like an illness. Once it enters your bloodstream it multiplies, it becomes a part of you. It's absorbed."

"No." Dean breathed, his eyes drifting back to the front door. "It's not possible."

"They're demons. They have been all their lives."

"No. Sammy's not—."

"I'm sorry. I didn't remember. I wish I hadn't remembered."

"They're not psychic, are they?"

"They might have had a predisposition to it, but no, they weren't. Not until they were given the demon's blood."

Dean was quiet, more quiet than Kerri had ever seen him. His right hand was resting on her knee, and she could feel him trembling. She would have given anything not to deliver the news. But she was a freak, her dad had made sure of that, and this was what she was reduced to.

"God, Dean, I'm so sorry."

"Hey, you have nothing to be sorry about."

"I saw it. Twenty-five freaking years ago I saw it. Why did I remember now? Why's my brain so freaking screwed up that I couldn't fix this?"

"I don't know, Ker."

"I want it out, Dean, all of it. I don't care if I end up a vegetable. Anythings better than this."

"I'll find a way to fix this, Kerri, I swear. But I don't think Rayner is the answer."

"One trip down memory lane almost killed me. I don't know how much longer I have."

The pair sat in silence for what felt like an eternity, Dean's hand still resting on Kerri's leg. They had come to the end, and they both knew it. There weren't any other options, at least none Kerri could see. She had to try this, no matter what the outcome.

"Dean?"

"Ok. Ok." Dean breathed, looking down at his hands.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. None of this is. But, Ker, if this doesn't work we aren't staying here. This is his only chance— then we find something else."

"Alright."

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Kerri walked back into the house slowly, Dean a few steps behind her. All she wanted to do was go back home, to run back to where she'd always been safe. But safety was a pipe dream now. Sam was sitting on the sofa, his face in a book. It was so reminiscent of the past that Kerri almost collapsed. Here they were, all three adults, all three at the possible end of their friendship, and all Kerri could think about was the past.

Sam stood the second he saw the pair, his soft eyes focusing on Kerri. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, Sam, I'm better." Kerri smiled. She couldn't help but study him. He had demon blood in him, he was part demon, but all she could see was Sam. He didn't seem any darker, didn't seem any more dangerous since she had learned the truth. He was still the same bookworm she had always known— she just hoped he would stay that way.

"Are we leaving?"

"No." Dean spoke up, stepping closer to Kerri when Rayner came in from the kitchen. "We're gonna try your idea."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure." Kerri spoke up, trying to ease everyone's tension. She knew this could be her last moment with the brothers, but she didn't want to dwell on that reality.

"Alright, the room's ready." Rayner spoke up. Kerri could feel Dean tensing behind her. He might have gone along with the plan because there wasn't a better one, but Kerri knew he was ready to run at any moment.

Kerri just nodded, following Rayner, Sam and Dean behind her. The short hall felt like the longest walk of Kerri's life. Every step closer was a step further away from everything she had been. It was like taking a trip to the electric chair. Every fiber of Kerri's being told her not to follow Rayner, but she also knew she had no choice. Before she was ready, they were at the door to a small side room.

Rayner stepped to the side, motioning Kerri into the room. Dean gripped her elbow as she made stepped toward the darkened room. "Only Kerri." Rayner put his hand up, motioning for Kerri to stop.

"Like hell." Dean growled, pulling Kerri back behind him.

"I'm sorry, but that's how it must be."

"Why?" Sam asked, stepping to Dean's side, he too blocking Kerri from view. "You didn't say anything about that before."

"It won't work otherwise. The sigils keep the information from being absorbed by me, but not you two."

"What? You never told me that." Sam stated, his eyes drifting between Dean and Rayner.

"I'm sorry, I thought you understood that. I won't harm her. This won't make it anymore dangerous than it originally was."

"And you just want me to take your word for that?" Dean inched closer to Rayner. Kerri didn't know whether to be impressed or frightened when Rayner didn't back down.

"You can always leave. Enjoy what little time you have left with Kerri."

"Dean, just let me try."

"What? No, Ker, I'm not letting you in there alone with some psycho."

"There's no other way. Whether you're in there or not, Dean, the same risks are involved. Now please, let me do this. I wanna do this, I wanna forget."

Dean was silent for a few moments before his shoulders dropped. His eyes grew softer, deeper, and the redhead knew this decision was tearing him apart. "Alright. But I'm staying out here, and the door stays unlocked."

"Fair enough." Rayner nodded.

Kerri took a deep breath before entering the dark room. She could feel her heartbeat increase when the door behind her closed and latched, Sam and Dean effectively sealed out. The room was covered with sigils and other supernatural paraphernalia, a single chair sitting in the middle of the mayhem. The redhead could feel the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end as Victor moved closer to her. She immediately stepped away, she wanted to keep as much distance between them as possible.

"Sit, Kerri."

"Why?"

"Because this is a long and trying process and I would rather not explain to Dean why you're covered with bruises. Now sit."

Kerri did as she was told, her heart rate increasing ten-fold as she looked around the room. Something was pulling at the back of her mind, nagging her— this wasn't right. She looked again at the sigils, searching her jumbled mind for some kind of reference, some kind of clue as to what they truly were. However, before she had the chance to really search Rayner came up behind her.

He pulled her further onto the chair so her back was up against the cold wood. Just when she thought he was going to move away, she felt his ice cold hands slide up her shoulders, caressing her neck. He massaged the back of her neck, trying to make her relax, his one hand sliding to her long hair, combing through it. She had had enough. She pushed forward in the chair, but Rayner only pulled her back. Just when she was about to turn and knock him out a chilling laugh made her blood run cold.

Before she had a chance to react Rayner reached around her, pinning her to the chair with one arm, the other covering her mouth. Kerri tried to scream out, tried to kick and fight, but she was trapped. Her blue eyes drifted to a darkened corner, her body beginning to shake as a man materialized out of the darkness. She wanted to look away, she wanted to scream out for Dean, but all she could do was focus on the sickly set of yellow eyes staring her down.


	5. Chapter 5

_hello again. Thank you all once again for the great reviews. :D Sorry about leaving the last cliffy go a little longer, first was my brother's wedding then my fiancee was in town. As always, enjoy the next chapter. _

_An2: just to clear up any confusion this series follows the show till episode 20 of season 2. everything after that is Au. _

**DARKEST BEFORE DAWN**

Chapter 5

Dean paced back and forth in front of the door. He wanted nothing more than to run in the room and get Kerri, to bring her back where he could see her. But he also knew this might be their only chance to save her. He hated being left out of the loop, though, hated being on the outskirts of the action— especially when someone he cared about was on the line.

"Would you calm down."

"Calm down?" Dean asked, rounding on Sam. His little brother should know not to push his buttons when he was already pissed off. "Oh, no problem, my best friend is only having her brains sucked out."

"He isn't sucking her brains out."

"He might as well be. You said it yourself— this could turn her into a vegetable. We might never get her back."

"What's the alternative?" Sam asked quietly.

Dean knew his brother was right, there was no alternative, at least not one he could see. Kerri was in danger, and at the moment this was their only option. But that didn't mean Dean had to like it. He turned back to the door, his heart rate increasing as the moments passed. He hadn't asked how long the whole process would take, and he couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right.

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Kerri's heart was beating out of her chest. She had walked right into a trap, worse still, she had convinced Dean it was all a good idea. She couldn't believe she had been so blind to the entire situation. Dean wasn't going to come rushing in to save the day, he was going to wait outside until Rayner told him everything was finished. The redhead felt a tear slide down her face, she hadn't even said goodbye to the boys.

The Demon eyed her for a few minutes, laughing as he made his way over to her. Rayner strengthened his grip when Kerri tried to break free. Yellow Eyes just smiled at her, brushing Kerri's long hair out of her eyes, caressing her temple as he did so. Kerri pulled back, kicking out at the Demon. He caught her leg, twisting it until the redhead cried out.

"Hello again, Kerri. Been a while."

Kerri stared down the Demon, breathing deep, trying to control herself. She focused on Dean, focused on the Winchester brothers right outside the door. Maybe if she was in there long enough they would come looking for her. Her eyes snapped forward when the Demon began speaking again.

"You know, you've been important to me for a very long time. And not just because of that little brain of yours. Your mom— she was special, almost one of a kind. I knew she would have one child for me, but I never imagined there would be two."

Kerri's mind was swimming. What the hell was the Demon talking about? The first and last time her mother had seen the Yellow Eyed Demon was the day she died, Kerri was sure of it. Her mom knew nothing of the hunting world, had no idea who Tom really was, so how could she know the demon who destroyed all their lives?

"Secrets, secrets, secrets. That seems to be the way with you and the Winchesters. Everyone always keeping secrets. And you know the worst part of it all, Kerri?" The Demon sneered, leaning on her thighs, his face a few inches from her's. "If even one of you spilled the beans, I'd have been dead and gone years ago.

"You see, your daddy wasn't the only one who knew about the supernatural world before I showed up— Mary Winchester knew, too. Dean and Sammy's sweet, innocent mommy was actually a hunter. You should have seen it back then, Kerri. Johnny boy used to wrap his arm around her, watch out for her— protect her. And all the while she let that poor boy think he was her hero, even though she could kick any evil thing on the planet's ass.

"She was good, hell better than good— probably where Dean gets his talent from." The Demon pushed away from her, turning and pacing. A moment later he sighed, as if he was recalling a long forgotten story. "Forty years, Kerri, almost forty years, and now it's finally here. You have no idea what this wait has been like. Finding the perfect parents, feeding the children at just the right time, waiting for them to grow. I've been more than patient."

Kerri wanted to throw up. She had seen what the Demon did to Evelyn and now she knew it had done the same to Sam. But that wasn't the worst. No, the worst was that it had been planned years before they were even born, hell, years before their parents had met and married. The Yellow Eyed Demon had sought out certain women, watched them, and then killed them for their children. But the Demon had said he expected just one special child, and as far as she knew, she and Dean were the only children born to a family before the psychic children. So why, then, were Sam and Evelyn the psychic ones instead of she and Dean?

Kerri closed her eyes, trying to search her mind, to figure out what the Demon's true plans were. Her eyes flew open a second later, the redhead shaking her head and blinking a few times— she could have sworn she had just seen Sam. As if on cue she heard Dean call through the door, the knob shaking as the hunter tried to get in.

"Looks like catch up time is over." The Demon sneered. He reached forward, running a finger down the side of her face. "You're going to give me your mind, Kerri, of that I'm sure. You and Sam are all I need to finish what I started decades ago. Victor." Yellow Eyed nodded behind Kerri.

Kerri tensed when she felt Rayner's right hand slide up her arm and shoulder before stopping at her neck. She took the opportunity to fight but her body was held down by some unnatural force. She stopped struggling when she heard the Demon's haunting laugh again. "Poor, Kerri. Where's your Dean now?"

Kerri squeezed her eyes shut, struggling to hold in a scream when a sharp pain tore through her head. She didn't want to let them win, didn't want the man to take her away. She focused on Dean, focused on his voice just beyond the door. Another wave of pain ran through her when Rayner's grip tightened. She fought through the fog, focusing on anything familiar. She tried to fall back into her memories but they were jumbled, images fleeting faster than she could catch them. And then, in the middle of it all something became crystal clear— Sam.

"What's wrong?" Yellow Eyes asked, his voice breaking through the fog around Kerri. The redhead opened her eyes, focusing on the demon in front of her. He looked furious.

"I don't know." Rayner answered from behind her. "I still can't get at her mind. I thought you said we were stronger."

"We are!"

Kerri looked between the men— stronger than what?

"Harder, Victor. I want this, now." The Demon growled, and Kerri could feel Rayner tightening his grip as the pain ripped through her body again. She could hear Dean's voice growing on the other side of the door, his attack increasing as the seconds passed. But Kerri knew he wouldn't be able to get in. Rayner and Yellow Eyes wanted her alone, and that's how it was going to stay.

She looked up at the demon when she heard him curse. Rayner wasn't going to get what was in her head, that was good— but now there was a real possibility she wasn't going to get out of that room alive. Yellow Eyes grabbed her chin, turning her eyes to face him, their noses almost touching. Kerri began struggling harder, fighting the invisible bonds holding her down. The Demon was trying to possess her and she knew if he succeeded all would be over.

"That won't work." Rayner spoke behind her, his grip still achingly tight. "She's protected."

"Protected?"

"So no other demons could get the information. It's impossible to possess her."

"Damn it." Yellow Eyes cursed, turning his attention back to Kerri. "Tell me what you know. Give it to me."

Kerri shook her head, her mouth still covered by Rayner's large hand. She wouldn't let Yellow Eyes win— she would rather die.

"There's no beating me, no winning." The Demon hissed, leaning in closer. "This is how it ends, Harrison, this is as far as you and Dean go. Now. Tell. Me. What. You. Know."

Kerri stared down the Demon defiantly. This was bigger than her, bigger than Sam and Dean, and if all three of them had to be lost— then it was the way things had to be. The information about the Kosmokrates alone could destroy the world. She knew things no human should know, held secrets which should have remained lost. She was a modern day Pandora's box, and she refused to let the world suffer because she wasn't strong enough to do what was right.

The Demon growled, taking a step back, his eyes still locked on her's. Kerri's heart skipped a beat when she was suddenly unable to breathe. She felt Rayner release his grip, and she opened her mouth wide, trying to pull in much needed air. The invisible force was still holding her in place, pinning her to the chair as she gasped. Her chest burned, her heart pounding harder and harder as the seconds passed.

She could hear Dean calling her name on the other side of the locked door, and all she wanted to do was call back to him. But the world around her was growing darker and darker. The last thing Kerri saw was the Demon's sickly Yellow Eyes, but all she could think about was Dean— and how she hadn't said goodbye.

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Dean couldn't handle the wait anymore. He never should have let Kerri go in there alone to begin with— he didn't know what he was thinking. He just wanted her better. He just wanted her to be the girl he remembered. But that was the problem— this was who she had always been. She had this weight on her shoulders since she was a toddler. But when they were kids they lived in ignorance, and Dean would do anything to get that innocents back. Yes they knew about the hunting world back then but it wasn't in their home like it was now. When they were young the supernatural world was an ambiguous thing their fathers hunted— but now they were a part of that void. Sam had demon blood in him and Kerri held the world's knowledge in her mind. It was all too much. Worse though, was Dean didn't know where he fit in. Evelyn, Sam and Kerri all had this burden— why had he been the one to remain untouched by it all?

Dean closed his eyes and tried to reign in his emotions. None of them deserved what was happening, but complaining about it wouldn't change anything. He took a deep breath, reaching for the knob— this had gone on long enough. His heart nearly stopped when he turned the knob and realized the door was locked.

"Kerri?" Dean yelled, pounding on the door with his fist. "Ker, answer me."

"Dean." Sam's spoke quietly, but Dean's adrenaline was already pumping.

"Something's wrong, Sammy."

"I know."

Dean looked over at his brother. Sam was pinching the bridge of his nose and nearly doubled over in pain. If Dean didn't know any better he'd say his brother was having a vision.

"Damn it, Sam, now's not really the time."

"I'm fine, it's not a vision."

"Then what the hell's wrong with you?"

"Uh." Sam mumbled, rubbing his temple for a moment before standing up straighter. "Before Ev left she taught me some things."

"Taught you some things?" Dean asked, raising his eyebrows. Sam was hiding something from him, and Dean wished all the secrets would stop.

"Yeah, I can focus on Kerri and block her. Like, psychically."

"How is that possible, Sammy?"

"I don't know. Maybe it has something to do with my visions and her astral-projecting."

"You mean Ev blocked her, too?"

"Yeah, when she was alive. I think it's one of the main reasons Kerri lasted this long."

"And now you're keeping her safe?"

"I'm trying to, but it's hard. There's something else going on here. We have to get Kerri out of there."

Dean didn't need to be told twice. He renewed his attack on the door, trying to kick it down. But just like Sam had said, something else was going on and it was preventing Dean from getting to Kerri. Dean cursed, ramming his shoulder into the door. He had been calling out for Kerri continuously, but the house around him had remained frighteningly silent.

"Dean, let me see if I can read her, see what's really going on."

"No." Dean snapped, turning to Sam. The conversation he and Kerri had in the car was coming back to him in full force. Sam had demon blood in him, all the psychic kids did, and Dean was afraid his little brother was turning into exactly what Yellow Eyes wanted. There was nothing good about being psychic, and Dean didn't want Sam going down a road he could neither follow him down nor save him from.

"Dean—."

"Just— do the blocking thing, but nothing more. I can't handle both of you down for the count."

"That's the problem, it feels different."

"Different how?" Dean tried to hide the waver in his voice. He would never forgive himself if he lost Kerri.

"Before it was like something bombarding the wall, like at attack. But, I don't know, it's like the attack is backing off. It was really strong a minute ago but now, it's just different. There's something else, Dean."

"God, what?"

"When I went up to Ev's secret room, I went further back than you did." Sam said quietly, making Dean's stomach turn. He hadn't made it any further than the threshold, but even that had been enough.

"And?"

"There's was a drawing, different than the others. It was Kerri in a room, and two men around her."

"And you didn't think to tell me about it before now?"

"I didn't remember until—."

"Until what?"

"Until I got another glimpse of it. Just for a second, it's like I was there, and she looked up at me. Then everything changed. Dean, we need to get in there. When the attack changed— I swear I could feel Kerri."

"Feel her?"

"Like her emotions, her memories. It's almost like her soul's coming to me. And that means whoever's trying to get the information is gonna rip her soul out in the process."

Dean didn't need to hear anymore. He turned back to the door, ramming his shoulder into it again and again. He had to get in there, he had to get to Kerri. He hadn't even said goodbye.

He didn't know how long it took him, time was irrelative. All he could focus on was his best friend, all he could think about was getting into that room. Kerri wasn't screaming, she wasn't calling out for him— there was nothing but silence. Kerri wasn't gone, it wasn't possible. He would know if she wasn't in that room. The world around him would feel different, his heart would feel different— he would just know.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity the door splintered open. Dean rushed inside, his heart dropping at the sight which greeted him. There was a lone chair in the middle of the room, sigils carved and drawn on nearly every surface. And at the center of it all was Kerri. She was laying on the floor, unmoving, a pool of blood forming in front of her face.

"Damn it." Dean cursed, rushing to Kerri's side. He turned her over gingerly, taking care not to jostle her too much. He rested her head against his arm, pulling her slowly to his chest before brushing her long hair out of her face. Her nose was bleeding heavily, but thankfully appeared to be slowing. Dean let out a long breath. Her breathing was shallow, and her pulse was slow, but she was still alive. "Kerri?" He asked quietly.

"Dean?" Sam asked, coming up behind Dean.

"We're getting out of here, now, Sammy."

Without another word Dean put his other arm beneath Kerri's knees and lifted her as he stood. They were vulnerable here, trapped in Rayner's lair, and Dean wasn't about to let anyone else get hurt on his watch. He should have seen this coming, should have known the truth— but how do you see the truth when your life is lived inside a lie?


	6. Chapter 6

_hello :). thank you all so much again for the great reviews, :D. on to another chapter, more mysteries and more answers. as always, enjoy. _

**DARKEST BEFORE DAWN**

Chapter 6

Sam rubbed his eyes, staring at the tail lights of the Impala. The last few days had been one giant roller coaster ride to say the least. First Evelyn had come back into their lives, then Kerri had fallen ill— it was then all hell broke lose. Sam couldn't believe the secrets the Harrison girls harbored. Evelyn was working with the Yellow Eyed Demon, obviously using the demon blood he had put in her system as a child. It made Sam sick because he knew if he wasn't careful the same thing could happen to him.

He could feel himself changing, even with the little bit of training he had allowed Evelyn to give him. Every time he thought about Kerri, every time he visualized a wall around her, he felt his powers spike. And it scared him. He didn't want to be different, didn't want to have demon blood in him, didn't want to be psychic— he just wanted to be Sam. But everything in the world was against him, forcing him to be exactly what he hunted.

"Why didn't you listen to me?"

Sam nearly drove the Firebird off the road at Evelyn's accusing voice. "Jeez, Ev."

"Why didn't you listen to me?" Evelyn demanded again, making the hairs on the back of Sam's neck stand on end. He and Evelyn had fought as children— a lot— but it had never had much anger behind it. But the girl speaking to him now held a venom Sam didn't know was possible.

"I thought we had an answer."

"You didn't. _I _told you the answer."

Sam glanced at Evelyn, his heart skipping a beat when he saw pure anger in her eyes. It was the first time he had really seen exactly what Evelyn Harrison had become after he left. "You told me to run, that isn't an answer."

"You got her hurt."

"I'm sorry."

"He didn't listen to me either. No one listens to me. I won't let you hurt her."

Sam gasped, a pain spiking in his forehead nearly doubling him over. He swerved, fighting to keep the car on the road, his vision swimming. He took a deep breath, focusing on both himself and Kerri, building the wall piece by piece just like Evelyn had taught him. She had grown stronger since the cemetery and Sam was suddenly afraid that maybe he should have pushed her away when Dean told him to. But it was Evelyn, he couldn't just abandon her.

As the walls began to slowly grow a whisper started at the back of Sam's mind, voices growing as Evelyn began to fade.

_"Evelyn, please."_

_ "It's the answer, Dad, I know it."_

_ "The answer to what?"_

_ "To helping Kerri."_

_ "There's nothing wrong with your sister. How many times do I have to tell you Kerri's fine!"_

_ "So you're telling me you don't see the seizures? That you don't see how sick she is all the time."_

_ "She has epilepsy, what the hell do you want me to do about it?"_

_ "You're a hunter."_

_ "I will not go down that road, not—."_

_ "Not what?"_

_ "Drop it, Evelyn. This doesn't concern you._"

_"Everything about my sister concerns me."_

_ "No, it doesn't. Focus on yourself. Your grades are in the gutter, you've been skipping school, the teachers say you've been acting out— even threatening other students. What's gotten into you?"_

_ "Maybe I just got tired of living inside one of your lies."_

_ "This is about the Winchesters, isn't it."_

_ "Don't blame your guilt about Sam and Dean on me. This hasn't been about them in a long time. You screwed up then, and you're doing it all over again now. I want you to help me save my sister."_

_ "There's nothing to save her from."_

_"I won't let your negligence make her fall through the cracks, too."_

Sam blinked, fighting back the urge to throw up as his headache slowly began to ebb away. He had finished building the wall around himself, effectively blocking Evelyn for the time being. But it was taking more of his energy away from him. Shielding Kerri was a strain, but shielding himself was proving to be far more difficult— probably because he was still half possessed by Evelyn. They needed to get somewhere safe and fast. He nearly jumped out of his seat when his cellphone began to ring. He grabbed the phone off the passenger seat, the same spot Evelyn's ghost had been sitting mere moments before.

"Yeah?"

_"Are you ok?"_ Dean asked, causing Sam to focus on the car in front of him.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

_"Dude, you're been swerving all over the road. Kerri's having a freaking conniption that you're gonna total her car."_

Sam rolled his eyes. He was relieved the redhead had come to and was still herself, but Kerri and Dean could be way too alike at times. "Tell her to calm down, I'm fine. I was sneezing."

_"Lame excuse, Sammy, even for you." _Sam could hear the strain in his brother's voice. This was all pushing Dean over the edge.

"Whatever, Dean. Did Kerri tell you what happened with Rayner?"

_"What do you think?"_

Sam sighed, he could almost picture his brother giving Kerri the evil eye. "So what's your plan?"

_"I'm thinking a motel."_

"Not even a drink first?"

_ "Funny."_

"What about Bobby's?"

_"What about Bobby's?"_

Sam took a deep breath— other than Kerri's house there was only one other safe place he knew. "He's got the panic room, it's our safest bet."

_"Why not Kerri's house, she was ok there, too."_

"I know. But there wasn't anything in Tom's library, I'm wondering if maybe Bobby has something."

_"You think he knew about this?"_

"No, I doubt it. If he did he'd have probably shot Tom a while ago. I just think we need a fresh set of eyes on this."

_"Alright. It_'_s a long way, though, we're still gonna need to hold up somewhere."_

"I know."

_"Keep close. I'll give Bobby a head's up then call you when we're gonna stop. And, Sammy, are you sure you're ok?"_

Sam closed his eyes, he hated lying to Dean, especially when his brother was already under a lot of stress. "Yeah, I'm sure. Talk to you soon. Tell Kerri her car's in safe hands."

Sam shut off the phone, tossing it into the passenger seat. He took another deep breath, thinking of the conversation he had heard. Evelyn's secrets were slowly surfacing, and for some reason Sam was afraid that wasn't the other brunette's intention. But she had found something, some way to keep her sister safe— or at least she thought she had. Sam just couldn't understand why Tom didn't want to pursue it.

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_February 2003_

Tom Harrison sat at the worn table in the dinning room, a cup of coffee resting in his hands. He stared deeply into the dark liquid, his mind a million miles away, or more like a couple thousand. Brian had taken Kerri to Ireland three days ago, and Tom had been a nervous wreck ever since. His daughter was sick, the information in her head doing more harm than he could have ever imagined. After all these years, he still couldn't believe he had agreed to it.

He had been so lost back then, so broken. He couldn't see beyond the moment, couldn't think of anything other than helping his baby. He couldn't force the vibrant toddler to spend her life in the dark, even though everyone insisted she could still have a normal life. But Tom wanted her to have anything she wanted, to be able to live out any dream she had. Kerri had saved him, pulled him out of the dark world of hunting. From the moment Liz told him she was pregnant, Tom hadn't gone out into the field. He wanted to be a father, more than anything in the world. If only he knew how his life was going to turn out.

Everything was perfect, beyond perfect. Tom had managed to keep Rayner away from Kerri, and he'd been blessed with another beautiful little girl a few years later. Then, in one night, everything had changed. He should have listened to the older hunters— once you were in, you were in, no matter what. That was eighteen years ago, and his life had been one long downward spiral ever since. There had been a bright spot, though, a time when Tom dared to be optimistic, dared to believe that maybe the darkness wouldn't win.

That light came in the winter of 1985, and went out in the fall of 1995. The Winchesters. For those ten years Tom's dreams of a normal family had come true. It was hectic and annoying at times, but having four vibrant, loving children running through the house had dulled the ever present ache Liz's death had left. And then, just like everything else, the supernatural world had stolen that small bit of perfection away. And, like every other time, it happened when Tom let his guard down. He glanced down at the cellphone on the table— one more hour and he would call. He didn't like having Kerri so far away, didn't like having her where he couldn't keep her safe.

When she was with Dean Tom knew things would be ok, knew the young boy would look after his daughter no matter what. The pair had a special connection Tom still didn't understand. They were drawn to each other, like two halves of a whole— they completed each other. Tom rubbed his eyes, taking a long draught of his now cool coffee. His life had fallen apart after that October day. His world had been held in a precarious balance, the truth about Kerri always there, but still hidden beneath the surface. Mere days after the Winchesters left, that all changed.

Tom still remembered the exact moment he felt his heart stop. He was sitting in his library, studying, blocking out the world. Evelyn was spending each and every day at the end of the drive, waiting for the Winchesters to come back. And Kerri was glued to the telephone, calling Dean's cell over and over again. Even Bobby's assurance that the boys were indeed ok didn't make her stop. The instant everything changed was so normal it was nauseating. Kerri had come up the stairs to ask him what he wanted for dinner when it happened. One minute she was talking to him, the next she was on the floor, her body convulsing uncontrollably. It was then Tom realized the true magnitude of what he had done.

It took two hours for Kerri to wake up, and they were two of the worst hours of the hunter's life. It was like being in the hospital with her all over again, like she was his sick baby girl once more. And he knew he had no one to blame for it but himself. From that moment on, he monitored her, watched her every step, made sure she wasn't learning too much. He had wanted her to experience the world, but at the age of sixteen he realized he had already exposed her to too much. Her mind was filling faster than he had originally thought, and the consequences were devastating.

He had managed to keep her sheltered for years after her seizures started— and he thought the Winchesters' departure had a lot to do with that. Kerri wasn't the same girl without Dean. He had almost forgotten what Kerri was like before that winter night a lifetime ago. She had been weary around people, had stayed to herself. But Dean broke through those walls, he saved her in ways Tom could not. Now, though, he was gone.

Tom looked up when he heard Evelyn coming down the stairs. She was more like a stranger than his daughter. They barely spoke, and ever since Kerri had met Brian the redhead was no longer around to provide a buffer between Tom and his youngest. In all honesty, Ev was starting to scare him. She was distant, hiding away for hours at a time, leaving the house at all hours of the night. And no matter how many times Tom grounded her, no matter what he did, he wasn't able to get control of her.

He had also noticed her new found— talent. He had discovered her ability to astral-project a few months before hand, and he was at a loss to explain it. She had never exhibited any psychic tendencies, but then Tom would be the first to say he wasn't all that present as a father. He had called Bobby a few weeks ago to see if Sam was showing any psychic abilities, but he was crushed when he learned Bobby had also had a falling out with John Winchester. There was no way to contact the boys, no way to find out where they were or what they were up to.

So Tom did the only thing he could— he focused on the problem he already had the answer to. If he could train Kerri, if he could get her strong enough, then maybe she could fight when Rayner came to collect.

666666666666

_July 2008_

Dean closed the phone, glancing at Kerri. She was sitting in the passenger seat, an old army blanket wrapper around her, her forehead resting against the window. She looked lost. He had been terrified when he found her unconscious, afraid his best friend was gone forever. It was a fear he had harbored for many years. Deep down, Dean knew it was the reason he had never tried to find Kerri. He was afraid he would come back to Valley and find her gone, taken away by some supernatural force her father wasn't able to protect her from— and he wasn't far off. But now, he felt like he had a second chance.

"Your car's in safe hands."

"Good." Kerri answered halfheartedly. Dean had been lying when he told Sam Kerri was worried about the Firebird. He just needed some semblance of normal.

"How you holding up?"

"Fine."

Dean closed his eyes, trying to calm his raging emotions. Kerri had woken quietly, hell Dean didn't even know she had woken at first. She had just opened her eyes and started off into space. It was the most terrifying few seconds of Dean's life. He thought her soul was gone, thought the girl he cared about was gone— but thankfully that wasn't the case. Kerri had assured him the transfer didn't work, that she was fine. But that was all she had said.

"You warm enough?" Dean asked after another short bout of silence.

"Yeah."

"Do you need something to drink?"

"No."

"Kerri likes to eat worms."

"Dean."

"Making sure you're still with me."

"I'm here."

"I could argue that."

"I'm just tired. I swear, Dean, I'm ok."

"You don't have to put up a brave face. I know something happened in there. Rayner was gone when we found you."

Kerri just sighed, her fathomless gaze still fixed on some distant point. Dean was at a loss. He didn't know how to get through to her, didn't know how to get her to open up to him. Rayner had done something to her, of that Dean was certain, and when he found the witch he was going to kill him. They had been conned, tricked into believing the smooth talking man, and Kerri had suffered because of it.

"I should have thought of another way."

"This isn't your fault, Dean."

"Yeah well, that's up for debate."

"Believe what you want to believe. Where are we anyway?"

"I90, just past Butte."

"You were supposed to get on 15 for Valley."

"We're not going to Valley. You were sitting next me when I had this conversation with Sam." Dean eyed Kerri, her quiet voice unnerving him.

"Right, sorry. I guess I forgot."

"Yeah?"

"I've got a lot on my mind."

"That's an understatement."

"So Bobby's right? Panic room?"

"Yup."

"Why can't I just go home?"

"We think it's safer at Bobby's."

"Why? My house is like one giant panic room."

"Sam wants a fresh set of eyes on this."

"I'd rather it remain a secret."

"I've had enough of secrets."

"That's not for you to decide."

"Yes it is. At the moment I'm the only sane one in this group."

"I'm not insane."

"And you're also not thinking straight. You and Sammy aren't running this show anymore."

"Sam?"

Dean glanced at Kerri, his heart nearly stopping. "My brother."

"Yeah— sorry." Kerri closed her eyes, rubbing her forehead. "I knew that."

"You're scaring me."

"I'm sorry. Everything's just, a little jumbled. It doesn't help that I have a migraine."

"How much information did Rayner manage to get?"

"Huh? Uh, none. He couldn't. He was blocked by something. They thought they were stronger but I guess not." Kerri mumbled, closing her eyes.

"They?"

"What?"

"You said they."

"Did I? He."

Dean took a deep breath, calming his quickly building anger. He had gone up against Kerri's stubbornness on more than one occasion, but he knew arguing with her now wasn't going to accomplish anything. She was on shaky ground, and he needed to tread lightly. "Look, Kerri, I just found out that not only does my brother have demon blood in him but that he can build freaking psychic walls around you with stuff Evelyn's ghost taught him. The last thing I need right now is another secret."

"I saw him." Kerri answered quietly, finally turning toward Dean. It wasn't the answer he was looking for, but anything was better than silence.

"Who?"

"Sam. When Rayner was trying to get the information. It hurt. I tried to shut down, and I saw Sam. It was weird."

"It goes a little beyond weird."

"So Sam's who's been keeping me safe?"

"Yeah." Dean answered after a moment. Sam was keeping her safe— not him. "Who's they?"

"What?"

"I spilled my secret. What's yours? Who else was there?"

"Someone Sam shouldn't have been stronger than. This is getting bad, Dean."

"Getting? How can this get much worse?"

"He told me."

"Who told you what? Rayner?"

"No. Yellow Eyes."

"What!" Dean almost drove off the road, his eyes snapping to Kerri.

"The deal Rayner had with my dad— the demon responsible was Yellow Eyes."

"No. He didn't come on the scene till Sam and Evelyn. He just showed Ev what happened to get her against Tom."

"He's been around a long time before then. We were screwed before we were even born."

"What did he tell you?"

"I don't know what his ultimate endgame is, but he's been planning it a long time. The Demon said he chose specific moms, his favorites."

Dean felt like he was going to be sick. The image of his mother was something sacred, something untouchable. He couldn't deal with the fact that his mother had spoken with the demon years before any of her children were born.

"That's not all."

"What else?"

"My dad had been a hunter since he was in his twenties, after he saw other hunters at work."

"I know."

"Demons lie."

"Tell me."

"Your mom was born a hunter, her parents were hunters."

"That's not possible."

"John didn't know. Mary kept it a secret. But the Demon said she was good, better than most."

"She wasn't a hunter. She would have known—."

"Known what? To keep her kids safe? My dad was a hunter and he wasn't able to stop it. Maybe your mom turned her back on it? Or maybe the Demon is just lying."

Dean wanted to believe the Demon was lying to them, wanted to keep the image of his mother pure— but something at the back of his mind told him it was all true. His mind drifted back to the hunt at their old house, to his mother's spirit. She seemed stronger, braver, and she seemed to know exactly what was going on. And suddenly, her quiet words to Sam all made sense. Somehow she was responsible for what was now happening to her youngest son.

"He tried to possess me." Kerri's voice broke through the storm growing in Dean's mind.

"The Demon?"

"Yeah. When Rayner couldn't get past Sam Yellow Eyes tried to possess me but couldn't."

"Why couldn't he?"

"Apparently Rayner put in a fail safe. It's impossible to possess me."

"At least one thing's good in all this mess."

"Yellow Eyes isn't gonna stop until he gets what I know. And I think he knows it's Sam that's blocking me."

"So why not just take Sam at the house?"

"Because there's more going on. Yellow Eyes thought he was stronger than Sam. You should have seen his face, Dean, he was scared. They're probably regrouping."

"That's comforting." Dean gripped the steering wheel harder, trying to come to grips with everything Kerri was telling him. Not only was his little brother some super strong psychic, but his own mother was a hunter. It was all too much. And once again, the same question came to the surface— where did he fit in?


	7. Chapter 7

_hey all. thank you all again for the great reviews :). i'll be away for a while, so i wont be posting again till i get back. so look for the next chapter around the 11th or 12th of december. as always, enjoy. _

**DARKEST BEFORE DAWN**

Chapter 7

Dean and Kerri had fallen into an uncomfortable silence after the revelation. Dean couldn't wrap his mind around it all, his entire world falling down around him as the secrets which drove his life finally came to the surface. Everything about his past had changed, and he could no longer see a clear future. The two people he cared about most were in the line of fire, it hurt. But what hurt more was the simple truth— this was too big for him to fix on his own. He was just hoping Bobby had the answers they didn't.

He let out a long sigh, killing the engine. Dean normally stayed to out of the way diners in backwater towns, but the chain restaurant was convenient, and he was tired. He stared out the windshield for a few minutes. He didn't know what to do, didn't have a plan of action. For the first time in a long time, Dean Winchester didn't know how to fight.

"Why'd we stop?"

"Because I'm tired and hungry."

"Good thing that's not making you grumpy."

"Not really the time, Kerri."

"At least I'm trying."

"Trying what?"

"To be normal."

"What about the last week has been normal?"

"Nothing. And that's my point."

"How so?"

"If we give up now, we're screwed." Kerri gave Dean another look before pushing open the passenger side door.

Sam was leaning against the hood of the Firebird, and Dean couldn't help but study him. This was his little brother, Sammy, he didn't look any different. He didn't look like he had demon blood running through his veins, didn't look like the Yellow Eyed Demon's prized possession. He just looked like Sam. Dean pushed open the driver side door, following Sam and Kerri into the restaurant. They seemed normal enough, chatting together about something Dean couldn't hear— but the pair in front of him was anything but normal.

They were lead to a table by the window, the overly happy hostess handing them each a menu before bouncing away. Dean rolled his eyes. This was one of the main reasons he hated chains— strangers had an overwhelming urge to talk to anyone. Sam and Kerri were still in deep conversation, and while Dean was happy they were talking he wasn't at all happy with the topic.

"It scared me before, Sam."

"I know, but I might be able to block the side effects."

"Yeah?"

"Who knows, Ker, you might already know the answer." Sam sounded excited, a little too excited.

"Sammy." Dean warned, eyeing his brother. He had talked about this with the younger man already. Kerri wasn't some book he could study.

"I'm just saying—."

"I know what you're saying. And I'm saying drop it."

Sam's rebuke was cut off when a bubbly waitress appeared at their table. Dean smiled weakly to her before ordering a beer. Kerri and Sam both got sodas. They assured the blonde they didn't want any of the countless appetizers she rattled off before she got the hint and left them alone.

"Do they drug the servers in these places or something?" Dean asked, eyeing the young waitress as she walked away.

"You're just bent out of shape because you're anti-social." Kerri answered, reaching across Sam and grabbing what looked like a puzzle off the table. It was a triangle, all the holes on top filled with pegs except one.

"What the hell is that?"

"It's a mind game. You have to jump the pegs and leave only one."

"Sounds easy enough." Dean smirked just as Kerri finished the game, with three pegs left standing.

"You try it then, Winchester."

"Fine." Dean grabbed the triangle. It was far more frustrating than he thought and after four tries he was still unable to finish with anything less than four pegs.

"Stupid game." Dean grumbled, pushing the triangle to Sam just as his phone rang. In true Sammy style the younger man finished the game with two pegs left. "Yeah?"

_"Dean?"_

"Hey, Bobby."

_"Where you at?"_

"Right now? I'm stuck in a restaurant with the geek brigade. It's like the nerd olympics over here." Dean groused, watching Kerri finish the game with two pegs left, copying Sam's earlier moves, which she had obviously memorized. Sam retaliated by setting the triangle up differently for her second attempt.

_"How far out are you?"_

"We probably won't be there till later tomorrow. We're gonna hold up near here somewhere for the night."

_"Alright. Keep safe."_

Dean closed the phone. Kerri and Sam continued with the came while the waitress came to take their order. Once the girl was gone Dean knew it was time to get down to business. He was happy for the late hour, their table the only one in their section. "Guys."

"Hang on, Dean, we're tied." Sam held up a hand, but Dean wasn't in the mood.

"You're always gonna be tied because both of you cheat. We have more important things to deal with."

"Killjoy." Kerri mumbled, pushing the triangle back into the corner. "So, what's the game plan?"

Dean was about to answer but stopped— honestly, he had no idea. They were in uncharted territory, and he didn't know where to start. Kerri was safe with Sam, and their drive was proof she could be safe at a small distance as well— that was good. What all this was doing to Sam? That Dean had no clue, but he knew it was definitely not good. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place, literally, and he was at a loss. He promised Kerri he could save both she and Sam safe, but that reality was getting further away with each passing day.

"How you feeling, Sammy?"

Sam looked up at his brother, and Dean almost had to laugh. It was the patented guilty Sam look the kid had had all his life. "Ok. A little tired but ok."

"So no spazzing out on me?"

"Not at the moment. But getting to Bobby's would help."

"Going to my house would help, too." Kerri chimed in.

"What do you have against Bobby?"

"Nothing. I just like my own house better. You know, my own bed, change of clothes. Comfort."

"Bobby's house is comfortable."

Kerri just crossed her arms, giving Sam a look. Bobby was a single guy, living on his own. While his house was a welcome resting spot Dean knew Kerri had a point— her house was much more comfortable. But they needed help, Dean needed help, and he knew Bobby was one of the only people who could offer it.

He didn't trust many other hunters, especially after someone at the Roadhouse told Gordon about Sam's— talents. There were too many nuts in the hunting world, too many people who shot first and asked questions later. They needed to keep themselves isolated. People wanted to hunt Sam, and Dean couldn't even imagine what someone like Gordon would do if Kerri's secret ever came to light. No, they had to be weary, had to stay with those they trusted. And outside of their table, Bobby was the only person Dean trusted.

"We're going to Bobby's, end of discussion."

"Fine." Kerri mumbled, slumping back in the booth. "So what's your next order of business, fearless leader?"

"We stick together and go to ground."

6666666666666

Rayner paced back and forth across his living room, a cigarette in one hand, whiskey in the other. They had been so close— how could a simple child beat them? But then, Victor was starting to believe Sam was more than just a child. He knew about the demon blood, knew the boy was special to Azazel, but he also knew there had to be something else. He needed to know the whole truth, needed to know the demon's endgame, and he needed to know now. Rayner could feel the world around him changing, reality tilting ever so slightly— something big was coming.

"What's your next move?" Rayner asked, eyeing the demon on the other side of the room.

"You won't be able to find them on your own." Yellow Eyes answered smoothly. He seemed cool, seemed calm, but Rayner knew the Winchesters' escape angered the demon. Rayner was afraid of what the creature before him would do— its cold yellow eyes only increasing his fear. Azazel was powerful, and he would get what he wanted.

"Why don't you just get them."

"They've gone to ground. They know how to hide from humans and demons."

"Even from you?"

"You'd be surprised. Even I'm not all powerful."

"So how do you plan on getting them back?"

"The Winchesters aren't the type of people to sit back and wait out the world. They'll surface sooner or later. They'll think they found the answer and come out of hiding to hunt me down. And they won't know what hit them."

"What's so special about Sam? What's his purpose in all this?"

"He's a key. He's the only person who can right the wrongs of this world. In 1972 my father told me a child would come, one of great power, of great potential. Sam Winchester is that child. Sam Winchester has the power to raise hell."

"You're talking about the end of the world." Rayner breathed, true terror growing in his heart.

"No, Victor, I'm taking about the beginning of it."

666666666666

Sam rubbed his forehead, trying to fight back the growing headache. He was getting tired, his entire body slowly succumbing to the energy it took to keep his barriers up. It didn't help having Kerri in the other car, either. He had tried to talk Dean into letting her ride in the Firebird, but his brother was afraid to let her out of his sight. Sam couldn't blame him, though— they had come too close to losing everything back at Rayner's.

Sam sighed, there was only one thing he could think of to lessen the assault on his mind— he had to let Evelyn back in. He turned his mind inward, focusing on the wall around himself and Kerri. Slowly, he pulled himself through it, watching as Kerri remained shielded. Almost immediately Sam felt Evelyn's emotions return to him. It was like welcoming back his old friend.

Evelyn remained quiet, staying to the back of Sam's mind, just as she had most of the time she'd been with him. It seemed she only pushed forward when she had something to say, or when the current circumstances weren't to her liking. Thankfully, her spirit had gotten past her anger, and Sam was hoping to keep it that way. Evelyn wanted to keep Kerri safe and away from Rayner, which was exactly what Sam and Dean planned on doing. Until they found a way to help the redhead, that is.

Sam jumped when he heard his phone ring. He reached into his pocket, flipping open the phone after checking the caller ID. "Yeah, Dean?"

_"I saw a sign for a motel a little way back, we're gonna stop there."_

"Alright." Sam answer, focusing on the car in front of him. "How's everything?"

_"Kerri's sleeping. She's been out for a while. How're you holding up?"_

"I'm alright, tired."

_"We'll get a few hours of rest then head out. I think we should be able to get to Bobby's mid-day tomorrow."_

"Good, I need a break."

_"Hang in there, Sammy."_

"You too." Sam hung up the phone before turning the radio up. He was looking forward to the reprieve Bobby's house would offer. They just needed to get there in one piece. Sam groaned when he heard his phone ring again. "What now?" he asked without checking the ID.

_"How's our little prize doing?"_

Sam's blood ran cold at the chilling voice, his heart pounding in his chest as his thoughts went to Kerri. He double checked the barrier he had around her, the pain in his head spiking when he strengthened his shield. He knew he should have hung up, knew he should have called Dean and pushed on to Bobby's without stopping— but Sam needed answers. "What did you do to her?"

_"Exactly what I said I would. Unfortunately, the plan didn't go as expected."_

"So you tried to kill her?"

_"If I wanted her dead she would have been. You and Kerri, you're special, Sam."_

"There's nothing special about us."

_"I beg to differ."_

"Why are you calling?"

_"Because I am able to find you."_

"There's no way in hell I'm gonna tell you where we are."

_"I'm not sure about that. You haven't heard my offer."_

"You don't have anything to offer me."

_"No? You are so strong, Sam. You're destined for such great things— and I can help you. You can be the greatest man the world has ever seen, you can have anything you want. And Kerri— I know you're curious about what her mind has to offer. There's a new order coming, Sam, a new beginning, and you two— you can lead it."_

"Like I said, you have nothing to offer me."

_"I have life to offer you and your family. If you don't do as I say, you will lose. I will find you, and when I do, your brother will be the one to suffer."_

Sam's heart nearly stopped. Rayner's voice was different from anything he had ever heard. It was icy and razor sharp. The act he had put on back at the house was definitely gone— this man was looking to destroy them.

_"You see, you and Kerri are important to me, you're special. Your brother— he's expendable. If you don't come with me, if you don't do as I say, I swear to you, Dean will not survive his second meeting with me."_

"There won't be a second meeting."

_"Yes, Sam, there will be. And I will win."_ With that, the line went dead.

Sam's heart was racing. Dean was in the line of fire, and Sam wasn't sure he could keep both Kerri and his brother safe at the same time. The brunette knew Rayner was dangerous, and he knew the man's threat was not an empty one. Dean wasn't part of the Yellow Eyed Demon's grand plan, Sam knew that, and it was a fear the young hunter had been harboring for quite some time.

The Demon needed both he and Kerri, but Dean was another story. His brother wasn't part of anyone's plan, which put a bulls-eye square on his back. Sam focused again on the car in front of him, following the Impala as it turned into the parking lot of a motel. He had to warn them— for all he knew the Demon was right behind them.

Sam pulled up beside the Impala, jumping out of the Firebird before his brother had killed the engine. He tapped anxiously on the passenger side window, making a sleeping Kerri jump awake.

"Jeez, Sammy." Dean reprimanded, climbing from the car. "What the hell?"

"Rayner called me."

"What?" Dean asked, rounding the car just as Kerri climbed from the passenger side.

"He told me to surrender."

"Well that's not about to happen. How'd he get your number?"

"I don't know. But, Dean, you didn't hear him."

"Sammy, we've been up against worse. Rayner's just one man."

"I starting to doubt that. It's just— can we please just keep moving?"

"I'm beat, Sam. Just a couple hours, I swear we'll move on after that."

"Alright." Sam relented, though he couldn't quell the fear rising in his heart. He could feel Rayner just beyond the barriers around Kerri, could feel the force of the spell he'd performed nearly three decades ago. The Witch was linked to Kerri, and Sam knew even though Rayner wasn't there physically, his presence was always just below the surface.

"Stay with Kerri, I'll get the rooms."

"Room." Sam snapped, moving closer to Kerri. It was less work to protect her if he was close.

"Sam?"

"We need to stay together."

Dean eyed him for a moment, before nodding. Sam wrapped one arm around Kerri when Dean turned toward the office. He pulled her a little closer when he felt her shiver. "What aren't you telling me, Sam?"

"Rayner offered us a deal."

"What's that?"

"We go with him and live our destiny."

"Or?"

"Or we're gonna lose Dean." Sam spoke quietly, watching his brother's retreating back. War had been declared, and already, casualties were imminent.


	8. Chapter 8

_well, back from my awesome week in france. thank you fredo and family for a great time :). thank you everyone for the great reviews :)_

**DARKEST BEFORE DAWN**

Chapter 8

The bar was dark, thick smoke casting an otherworldly haze over the space. There was a low beat coming from the jukebox, muffled by the voices of the patrons. It was the kind of bar people went to to get lost, the kind of place people went to when the world was no longer the right place for them. There was a small room off the back, the door ajar. Men's voices could be heard drifting through, laughing, challenging. It was there Bruce Chetling preferred to be seen.

He had been out of the hunting world for a long time, the Bramhurst job he'd been on had required deep cover. But now it was finally over, and Chetling was getting back into the world he called home. It was a slow acclimation, many of the other hunters weary of his long absence. It would take a while for Chetling to regain their trust. That didn't bother the man much, though, he preferred working alone anyway.

Bruce was about to deal the next hand when his cellphone began ringing. The hunter ignored it, dealing out the cards in his hand instead. A few minutes later, his phone began to chime again.

"You gonna take that, Bruce?" Another hunter growled, obviously annoyed by the intrusion.

Bruce eyed the other hunter but said nothing. He continued with the hand, his phone ringing off and on. He wasn't about to jump because someone wanted him to. Bruce Chetling was not the type of man to be led. The hand finished, Chetling a few hundred richer— and that was his cue. He excused himself, making his way to the bar before pulling his phone from him pocket. It was a number he hadn't seen before. A moment later his phone lit up again.

"Yeah?"

_"Bruce Chetling?"_

"Who wants to know?"

_"My name's Victor Rayner. I have information you might be interested in."_

"I'm not looking for a hunt at the moment."

_"Believe me, this is one you can't pass up."_

"And why is that?"

_"Sam Winchester."_

Chetling glanced around the bar before slipping out the back, the phone still pressed to his ear. He'd been looking for the Winchesters, hell he'd even set up a lookout at the Roadhouse for a few weeks, but there had been no sign of the elusive brothers. But then, he knew the boys would be smart, smarter than most other hunters, and they wouldn't be found unless they wanted to be.

"I'm listening?" Bruce answered, sliding into his truck.

_"You know what he is?"_

"I've heard rumors."

_"I can assure you, the rumors are true. I came across some recent information. The kid's more than just psychic— he's got god-damn demon blood in him."_

Bruce could feel his heart rate increasing. When Gordon had called him with the information Chetling didn't believe him. He had met Sam Winchester, there didn't seem to be anything special about the boy. But Gordon's information had peaked his interest, and the more Chetling learned the more he began to believe the rumors about the youngest Winchester.

_"That's not all. There's more like him, a lot more. As far as I can tell they've all died, but not before each one of them became a murderer. Sam's not on our side."_

"And what do you expect me to do about it?" Chetling didn't want to tip his hand just yet. He was on the trail of the Winchesters, but he hadn't gotten any new leads after his Roadhouse visit. Bruce didn't work with a partner, and whatever he was going to do about Sam, he was going to do alone.

_"They were here, but I've lost them."_

"What were they doing with you?"

_"They have a friend, Kerri Harrison. She came here for some information."_

There that name was again— Kerri Harrison. The more Chetling learned about the Winchesters, the more interested he became in the last surviving Harrison. There was something about her, something hidden just beneath the surface. It was something he needed to figure out, because Bruce didn't believe for a second Kerri went to Rayner for information.

_"They've gone to ground, and I don't have the talents to find them."_

"And what makes you think I do?"

_"I've heard of your reputation. If anyone can find them, you can."_

Chetling though for a moment before a smile spread across his face. Chasing the Winchesters was right up his ally, and the fact that they had gone to ground suddenly made the chase a lot more interesting. "Alright, tell me everything you know."

6666666666666

"Is it possible for you to pick a non-skievy motel?"

"No. I think the skiev adds to the charm."

"This is why I prefer my own house to Winchester road trip."

"Sucks to be you then, I guess."

Sam rubbed his eyes, throwing his bag down next to one of the beds. Kerri and Dean had obviously had far too much Kerri-Dean time. The pair were overly annoyed with each other, and it was starting to annoy Sam. All he wanted to do was sleep. His mind was on overdrive, his body aching from the strength it took to keep up his defenses. It had been easier since he had let Evelyn back in, but even having the brunette back and Kerri in the same room wasn't offering the reprieve Sam needed. No, the only thing that would offer that was the panic room.

"You alright, Sammy?" Dean's concerned voice pulled Sam out of his mind. The young hunter was surprised to see his brother staring at him.

"Yeah? Why?"

"I called your name three times."

"You did?"

"Yeah."

"I guess I'm just tired."

"Uh huh." Dean eyed him suspiciously. But the honest truth was, Sam was tired. "You and Kerri take the beds, I'm gonna crash on the sofa."

"Or not." Sam smirked, pointing to the sofa. Kerri was already curled up, a blanket from the car wrapped around her. She had stolen one of the pillows off the bed, though. Dean just rolled his eyes before heading to the bathroom.

Sam watched as Kerri gave him a thumbs up before rolling over, her back to the room. He could feel her drifting off to sleep, her consciousness falling away while her subconscious stayed as active as ever. He sighed, they needed to help her. Sam didn't even bother getting changed, he just fell onto the bed, face first, and was quickly asleep.

"None of us can be saved."

Sam jumped up at the voice. He was laying across the sofa in Evelyn's old apartment, the other psychic sitting in a nearby chair. "Uh, Evelyn, I'm tired. I just wanna sleep."

"You are asleep."

"Technically. But talking to you isn't all the peaceful."

"You shouldn't have stopped."

"I agree with you, but we needed a rest."

"You need to go home."

Sam groaned, pushing his face further into the soft pillows. He was more than a little unnerved that he could feel the fabric in a long gone apartment, but that was a problem for another time. Now he was dealing with Evelyn, and her spirit seemed to have regressed to where it had been before the cemetery. Sam wondered if maybe he had done something to her when he blocked her in the car.

"We're going to Bobby's."

"That isn't home."

"It's close enough."

"You have to go home."

"Evelyn, we're not turning back now." Sam stated, preparing to build his walls again should the brunette attack. But instead she turned to the door, her voice growing distant.

"None of us can be saved. Not in life and not in death."

Sam was starting to believe her. Not only was the Yellow Eyed Demon involved in Tom's deal, Sam also had the creature's blood running through his own veins. Everything was just so wrong.

_"What happens now?"_ Sam looked at the door when he heard the voices again.

_"Now life is normal."_

_ "What's the catch."_

_ "That when the time comes I get what's mine. No hiding, no tricks. Give me what I ask for, or I'll take what's mine."_

_ "And what about Kerri?" _Sam's heart skipped as the conversation continued. He pushed off the sofa, his breath catching when he glanced at the seat Evelyn had occupied— she was gone. He neared the door, the voices rising with every step he took.

_"I've already told you what I know. You had ample time to refuse."_

_"What if I decide to change my mind?"_

_ "It can't be reversed."_

_ "Even if I give up her sight— set it all back to normal."_

_ "Like I said before. Once this is done, it's done. Have you spoken to the mother?"_

_ "I'll think of something. You are not to contact my family."_

_ "I have a valid interest—."_

_ "No. That wasn't part of the deal."_

_ "How do I know you'll keep your word?"_

_"I will. I'll do what I have to."_

Sam's heart beat faster and faster as he approached the door, the long forgotten conversation echoing back to life. Evelyn knew her father's secrets, knew more than she was telling. It was all locked in her mind, all locked behind that door, hidden away. He reached for the handle, pulling his hand back— it was like touching ice. He turned his body, pushing his shoulder into the worn wood, but the door still refused to budge. Sam was just about to kick it when he heard another voice enter the mix.

"Sam?"

Sam turned toward the empty apartment. It was a girl's voice, but Evelyn was nowhere in sight.

"Sam?"

"Hello?" Sam asked, surprised how loud his own voice was. He closed his eyes, lifting his hand to rub his face. But instead he found himself tangled in blankets. "What?" Sam finally freed himself from the sheets, turning to see Kerri sitting on the bed beside him.

"Hello to you, too."

"What's going on?"

"We're heading out soon. Dean's just freshening up." Kerri nodded to the bathroom where Sam could hear water running.

"Oh, ok." Sam looked at the clock. He'd been asleep for about six hours, but it felt more like six minutes. He was still exhausted and all he wanted to do was get to Bobby's and rest. "Hey, Ker?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think you could ride with me." Sam didn't know if he could keep his guard up any longer. His body was drained, there was no way around it.

"Sure, no problem. How're you feeling?"

"Tired."

"In all the commotion I didn't say thank you."

"You didn't have to."

"I know. But I wanted to. Between you guys coming back, and Evelyn's spirit hanging around, my mind's been all over the place."

"Well someone's trying to suck it out, so I guess that's warranted." Sam knew he'd said the wrong thing when Kerri looked down, her shoulders shaking as she took a deep breath. "I didn't meant it that way."

"It's fine. Just hearing it out loud still freaks me out a little."

"Yeah, I'd imagine." Sam sighed, pushing off the bed.

"There's something else I wanted to talk to you about— before Dean comes out."

"What?"

"I know the truth. And I think you do, too."

"What truth?" Sam asked, though he could feel his heart rate increasing as he looked into her eyes.

"Dean didn't want me to bring it up, but secrets haven't really done us much good lately."

"Kerri—."

"There's something different about you, about your blood."

Sam's eyes grew wide, Kerri's last statement catching him off guard. He was still having trouble coming to terms with what Evelyn had told him, and now he was hearing the same thing from her sister. "How?"

"It was the memory I was chasing." Kerri answered quietly, looking down at her hands.

Sam was hurt, though he knew he shouldn't have been. How long had she known? How long had the secret been there, just below the surface, waiting to be remembered? They needed to know what was in the redhead's mind, needed to find some way to access the truth. Because Sam knew the information she kept could be the key to unlocking everything about who he was and who he was meant to be. And then her other statement hit him like a battering ram. "Dean knows?"

"Yeah. After I stopped breathing— I just couldn't lie to him."

"And?" Sam was afraid of his brother's reaction. He could still remember the look in his older brother's eyes when he told him his dreams often came true— he couldn't imagine what demon blood would do to their relationship.

"He didn't want to believe me. I wish it wasn't true."

"It's not your fault."

"There's something else."

"What?"

"The Demon told me some of his plan, at least the beginning of it. You weren't picked at random, Yellow Eyes sought out certain parents. Mainly the mothers."

"And?"

"Your mom was a hunter, so were her parents."

"No she wasn't." Sam answered without thinking. His mom wasn't a hunter, there was no way.

"I'm just repeating what the Demon told me. I don't know if he was lying, but I don't know if he would really have a reason to."

"I think we need to search your mind, find out what else you know." Sam knew Kerri was their only chance. He didn't want to hurt her, didn't want to use her like so many others had. But he knew they had no other choice. Kerri was a walking encyclopedia of the supernatural world, hell more than the supernatural world. She was their best weapon— Sam just had to get past his big brother's protectiveness.

"I don't want you to be a target, Sam."

"I already am. Yellow Eyes has been shaping my life since I was a baby, I'm more involved than anyone."

"Do you really think you can help me sort through it?"

"Yeah. I mean I think so. It's better than nothing."

"I don't want you to get hurt, Sam. I don't want you putting yourself in the line of fire."

"How is helping you putting me in danger?"

"It's just— it's not looking good for me. And I don't want Dean to lose both of us."

"Kerri—."

"You need to take care of yourselves. Leave me at Bobby's if that will make you feel better, but don't lose sight of your own troubles while you're focusing on mine."

"What are you two talking about?" Sam and Kerri both turned when they heard Dean speak. The older man was standing in the door to the bathroom, and though his hair was still slightly damp Sam knew he'd been out of the shower for a while. How much had he heard?

"Nothing."

"Nothing, huh?" Dean asked, his green eyes sliding back and forth between the pair.

"Just driving arrangements. Kerri's gonna ride with me."

"No—."

"I can't keep up the defenses anymore. Not over a distance, anyway. It'll just be easier."

"Easier to plot against me?"

"What? Dean—."

"Never mind." Dean pushed passed Sam, eyeing Kerri as he grabbed his duffle. He threw his shaving kit and other things from the bathroom in it before turning toward the door. "You two better hurry up, I'm out of here in five." With that Dean disappeared through the door.

"Well that went well." Kerri grumbled, pushing off the bed. She didn't have anything to pack up, her departure from her house being less than planned. Sam rolled his eyes when he saw her sniff at the collar of her t-shirt.

"Here." Sam tossed her a button down shirt from his bag.

"Here what?"

"Dean's not gonna leave without us. You'll feel better after you get a shower."

Kerri looked at the shirt, giving Sam a weary look. "It might be more of a dress on me."

"At least it's something. Bobby's might not be the Ritz, but I think he's got a washer."

Kerri continued to eye Sam strangely. "What?"

"That psychic wall around me. When you did it at the house, I saw you."

"Yeah, I can see you when I do it, too."

"Like, so, in the shower."

"Oh lord. It's an image of you, not really you. I swear you hung out with Dean way too much when we were kids."

Kerri smiled, lifting the shirt in the air before disappearing into the bathroom. Sam shook his head, staying in the room until he heard the water running. He let out a long sigh, turning his attention to the front door. He needed to talk to his brother.

666666666666666

Dean sat on the trunk of the Impala, staring out over the highway. The road was endless, winding its way through the world, cutting threw lives, connecting people, connecting towns. But, despite all that, it was still lonely, still isolated. It was exactly how he was feeling in his own family. Despite everything that had happened Kerri and Sam were still keeping secrets from him, were still plotting with each other. And it hurt him.

"You guys ready?" Dean asked, not even turning to his brother. He knew it was the tall hunter, Sam's monster footsteps always gave him away.

"Kerri's grabbing a shower."

"What happened to five minutes."

"She needed to get cleaned up. She's been through a lot."

"I know, I've been there for it."

"Dean."

"I heard you guys, you know." He wasn't going to beat around the bush. Kerri was talking like she was about to check out, and Dean was afraid Sam was following her down that dark path. And once more, the same question came back to him, why them and not me.

"Come again?" Sam asked, leaning against the car.

"I said I heard you."

"No, the other part."

"What other part?" Dean turned to his brother— he didn't think he said the last part aloud.

"Why this is happening to us and not you."

"I didn't say that."

Sam just rolled his eyes. "I heard you with my own ears."

"Maybe your ears are defective."

"Look, Dean, I don't know why this is happening to me. I wish to hell I knew. I mean, Kerri tells me mom was a hunter, that Yellow Eyes picked her specifically to have a kid like me. It's creepy as hell."

"All my life, Sammy, all my life I've looked out for you, tried to keep you safe. And I can't." Dean stopped, taking a deep breath. He needed to keep himself under control, he couldn't let his emotions win. "No matter what I do, you're out of my reach, and now Kerri is, too."

"We're not out of reach."

"You're not?" Dean asked, turning to face his brother. Sam sucked in a breath, but Dean didn't care, he needed to get his point across. "You have demon blood in you, our mom was a hunter who had spoken with Yellow Eyes decades ago. How is that not out of my reach?"

"Because that's the past. We might not be able to change what happened, but we can still have an effect on what's happening now."

"I hope you're right. I can't lose either of you."

They sat in silence for another few minutes, shoulder to shoulder, staring out over the empty highway. Dean took comfort in his brother's presence, knowing that, for the moment, Sam was still with him. He couldn't think about the what ifs, he had to focus on the here and now and what he could change. He heard the door to their motel room close a few minutes later, and he almost doubled over laughing when he saw Kerri.

It felt good to laugh, hell he couldn't even remember the last time he had done so. Sam had obviously offered Kerri a shirt to wear, the redhead having brought nothing with her. The problem was, Kerri was five-seven and about weighed about a buck twenty, Sam was six-five and nearly seventy pounds heavier. Six Kerris could have probably fit in the shirt.

"Laugh it up, Winchester."

"I think I need a rescue party to find you in there."

"Hey, you're not riding with her the rest of the way. She was starting to smell."

"I'm about ready to get on the bus instead." Kerri smacked both brothers in the arm before climbing into the Firebird.

Dean just smiled, telling Sam 'good luck' before getting in the Impala. He checked the rearview mirror before pulling out onto the highway, Sam and Kerri behind him. He felt an instant pang of loss. He hated being alone. He pressed down harder on the accelerator— Bobby's house had never seemed so far away.


	9. Chapter 9

_back again, sitting in a snowstorm. thank you all so much for the great reviews :). enjoy the next chapter. _

**DARKEST BEFORE DAWN**

Chapter 9

Bobby sat on the old porch, staring out toward the entrance of his property— it had been a long time since he'd seen Kerri Harrison. He had never kept in touch with her family after Sam's attack. Even when he heard of Evelyn and Tom's deaths he hadn't called to check on Kerri. He just couldn't. He was afraid of what he would find, afraid of the girl time had left behind. He'd heard stories about Evelyn, about how dark she had become. Other hunters had begun to whisper about her before her death, rumors growing that she was something less than human. It wasn't until recent years he learned those rumors had been true.

When Dean told him about everything that had been happening Bobby didn't want to believe him. He wished Tom was still alive so he could shoot the bastard himself. Tom had always been distant, had always had his own agenda, but Bobby had never once imagined he was capable of something like this. But then, he wasn't a father— he hadn't dealt with a sick and blind child. It wasn't forgiveness, not by a long shot, but Bobby also knew he couldn't condemn the man without having walked in his shoes.

The most unbelievable thing about the entire situation, though, was the fact that Dean had returned to Valley. As a teen he had resolutely pushed the Harrisons away. John had somehow convinced Sam all of it had been a bad dream, that each memory he had of that terrible day was in his mind. After the Yaksha's attack the twelve year old hadn't spoken, hell he hadn't even blinked in over two weeks, and then, slowly, he came back to them. But the terror was evident in his eyes— they had to find some way to get him past the fear. And so, they pushed it away, pretended it wasn't real, and to Sam, it wasn't.

It wasn't right, and over the years Bobby tried to get John to reach out to the Harrisons again, but time got away from them all. John continued hunting for the creature that killed his wife, Sam got rebellious and disappeared into the world of academia. And Dean, Dean went along with his family, never once complaining, never once disobeying an order. After the Yaksha's attack the middle Winchester was more like a robot, everything that had made him himself washed away in a few chaotic moments. Sure the smart mouth was still there, yes he was still braver than any other hunter Bobby had met— but a light inside him was gone, and the mechanic was afraid it would never come back.

He pushed himself out of the seat when he saw the two black cars coming through the gate. Seeing the Firebird brought back a wave of memories, both good and bad. He pushed them all away, though, knowing he had to focus on the here and now, had to keep his mind in the moment. He had made a lot of mistakes in his life, they all had, and dwelling on them wasn't going to change the past. All they could do was move on and hope to hell there would be a future.

"Took you three long enough." Bobby chided, coming up to Dean.

"Sammy drives slow." Dean smiled, relief obvious on his face. He gave Bobby a quick hug before they turned toward the other car.

Sam and Kerri were still talking, the redhead staring at the house in front of her. A minute later the pair climbed out of the Firebird, Kerri smiling weakly as she rounded the car. Bobby's heart nearly stopped at the sight of her. He had almost forgotten what she looked like. Her skin was pale, freckles dotting her face, her long red hair framing her face and shoulders. She looked haggard. She was thinner than Bobby though was healthy, heavy bags under her eyes. It looked like she hadn't slept in days. And the mechanic couldn't help but noticed that Sam was currently sporting the same characteristics.

"Hey, Bobby." Sam smiled, greeting him the same way Dean had.

The seasoned hunter could see the stress drain from the young man's body as he looked up at the house. Bobby's heart sank as he looked at the rag-tag trio once more. He had known them as children, had wondered what their lives would be like when they grew up, had thought of their future as hopeful. But the hunting world took and took, and now there was barely anything left.

"Why don't we get you three inside." Bobby began, looking back to Dean. The blonde nodded, motioning for Kerri to go before him.

Bobby studied the pair— they seemed even closer. When they were young they had been best friends, the two rarely seen apart, but now there was something more, something deeper. Dean stood by her like a watchdog, guarding her, and Kerri seemed to fall into the protection. They weren't the carefree children the had been— the world had broken them.

They walked in silence, Bobby leading the way to the panic room, Kerri and Dean behind him, Sam bringing up the rear. He wanted to get them all somewhere where they could be safe, where they could let the weight of the world fall from their shoulders. But more importantly, he needed to know the whole truth of what was going on without anyone unwanted listening in. Dean had given him a vague rundown over the phone, but Bobby knew there was more to the story.

Sam sighed when they reached the bottom of the stairs, smiling when he saw the iron and salt sealed room ahead of them. Bobby could see the stress melt away from him as Kerri stepped over the threshold. He didn't know what was really happening with Sam, Dean having only given him a brief description. But Bobby knew enough to know it was bad.

The mechanic's mind drifted to a long ago phone call, Tom's voice coming back to him from what seemed like another lifetime. Evelyn and Sam would have both been eighteen at the time— and Evelyn was already showing signs of being psychic. At the time Tom wanted to know about Sam, but it had been a year since he and John had also had a falling out, a year since the boys disappeared into the dark world of hunting. From what Bobby had been able to gather, though, Sam didn't show psychic abilities until much later, hell most didn't show until they were twenty-two. So then, why had Evelyn developed so early?

"I got some sandwiches upstairs," Bobby began, feeling a little less than useful at the moment. "I'll be back."

"I'll help." Sam jumped up, but Dean stopped him.

"Sammy, you're the one who wanted the panic room."

"For Kerri. I stopped shielding her, are you ok?" Sam asked, turning to Kerri.

"Yeah," she began, surprised, "I couldn't even tell the difference."

"That's good." Dean breathed, sitting on the desk beside Kerri.

"Easy for you to say, you're not the one trapped in the basement."

"We'll figure something out."

Kerri just rolled her eyes. Bobby decided that was a good moment to take his leave. He might not have seen Kerri since she was a kid, but he remembered what a Kerri-Dean 'discussion' was like. Besides, he wanted to have a word with Sam alone. Once they made it to the kitchen Bobby spoke, "So, how're you feeling, kid?"

"Tired." Sam shrugged.

Bobby gave him a once over— the kid looked more than tired. But that wasn't the core problem at the moment. Bobby had heard rumors and whispers as of late, and they all involved Sam. Nothing seemed menacing yet, but the questions were enough to make him worry. "Hey, Sam, have you heard from anyone?"

"Anyone like who? It's not like I have that big a social circle."

Bobby took a breath, he needed to tread lightly. "Nothing from Ellen maybe?"

"Not since the Trickster. Why?"

"I've been hearing some whispers."

"From Gordon?"

"He's still in jail, but he's had visitors. I'm more worried about another hunter named Chetling."

"Bruce Chetling?"

"You've heard of him?" Bobby asked. As far as he knew Bruce Chetling had been in deep cover since Sam had returned to the hunting world. He wasn't the kind of hunter you messed around with. Like Gordon, it was better to just steer clear.

"I've met him. All three of us have. He was on a hunt we went on, deep cover."

"The hunt with the millionaire? That's the one he was on deep cover for?"

"Yeah. He was posing as Bramhurst's butler. We had no idea he was even a hunter. Why, what have you been hearing?"

"Nothing much, just that he was asking questions about you and Dean a few months back. But that lead seems to have cooled. Either that, or he's got what he needs."

"He was an ass, but he seemed to just be doing his job."

"He shot Kerri." The pair turned to see Dean standing behind them.

"To kill Bramhurst."

"He offered to kill her, Sam. To put her down like some kind of dog."

"I know. But as warped as he was, he was just finishing a hunt."

"And what makes you think he isn't warped enough to hunt you?"

"I'm not a threat." Sam stated, looking back and forth between his brother and Bobby. At that moment he looked much younger than his twenty-five years.

"I know you're not. But not everyone out there's as bright as we are."

"Look, Boys, let's deal with one problem at a time. I'll keep my ears open for anything else and you two keep an eye out for Chetling. Right now, we gotta find some way to get Kerri out of harms way, because she's not gonna wanna stay cooped up downstairs forever."

"Forever? She's been down there ten minutes and she's already complaining. I came up to get her something to eat."

"I'll bring something down." Bobby started, pulling a soda and some wrapped sandwiches from the fridge.

"Nah. I want you to stay up here with Sam and try to figure out some way to fix this. I'll stay down with Kerri."

"I got a tv I can hook up down there."

"Seriously?"

"You think I'm gonna go to the trouble of making a panic room so I can sit on my ass and stare at the wall?"

"At this minute, Bobby, anything would be helpful."

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Sam rubbed his eyes, staring at the same page once more. The letters were starting to jump all over the page, but he didn't want to stop looking. He and Bobby had been pouring over books for the last hour, but neither of them had come up with anything useful. Just like Rayner had said, Kerri was the first person this had ever been done to, and that made every theory nothing more than a wild guess. They needed to search Kerri's mind, needed to learn what it was she actually knew— but Dean still stood firmly in the way of that plan.

Sam knew in his heart he could keep Kerri safe, that he could shield her as he searched her mind. He didn't really know how, but he thought it had something to do with Evelyn and the way she had brought him into her mind. Kerri said they had tried the same thing before her sister died, and Sam couldn't help but wonder if maybe they had succeeded in some way. There was more going on though, another reason why Dean didn't want Kerri's memories coming to the surface— he was afraid of what the girl actually knew.

Their encounter with the Trickster was enough to let the brothers know Kerri's mind was dangerous. She knew things that could literally destroy the world, but where had she learned them? She couldn't recall things unless she had actually read or seen it, so the information must be somewhere. Kerri wasn't the only one who knew the secrets of the world, she was just the easiest way to get it. Sure if someone was to search the world they would find everything Kerri knew, but why search the world when you can search one person's mind.

Sam rubbed his eyes again, pushing away from the table. "Where're you going?"

Sam turned to Bobby, the mechanic looking just as worn as him. "Going to check on Kerri. You should get some rest."

"You're the one that needs to rest. Dean fell asleep a few hours ago."

"I feel rested. Just having Kerri in the panic room is a huge help."

"Sam—."

"I promise I'll sleep soon. I just wanna let Dean get a couple more hours. He's been under a lot of stress."

Bobby just gave him a look before turning back to his research. Sam was sure he muttered something under his breath, but he decided to tune it out. The brunette headed down the stairs, glancing at his brother asleep on the couch as he passed the living room. He wasn't lying to Bobby, he felt much better since Kerri had entered the panic room. Dean, on the other hand, had no relief. His best friend and brother were still in the line of fire, and Sam knew it was taking a lot out of his big brother.

Sam wasn't all that surprised to find Kerri awake when he made it to the basement. Even though he was no longer shielding her he could still feel her. It was weird, almost like she was a shadow just on the edge of vision, but it was comforting none the less.

"Hey." Sam smiled, sitting on the devil's trap just outside the door. Kerri was sitting cross legged at the door to the shelter, as close as she could get to being outside the panic room while still being safe.

"How long do you plan on keeping me trapped down here?"

"It hasn't even been twenty-four hours yet."

"Which means you have no idea."

"We're trying to keep you safe."

"Yeah well, I feel like I'm in solitary."

"Then how come you told Dean he wasn't allowed to sleep down here?"

"Because he was staring at me and it was weirding me out."

"He's just worried about you."

"That doesn't require staring. Is he actually sleeping?"

"Surprisingly yeah, he must need it."

"Well, before all hell broke lose with Evelyn and Rayner, Dean was the one trapped in a wall with no water."

Sam had almost forgotten his older brother's ordeal. They had nearly lost Dean just a few weeks ago, and since then he hadn't stopped moving. He didn't fall asleep, he passed out from exhaustion. It had been a long few weeks to say the least, and they all needed to stop and rest. Unfortunately, the rest of the world had other ideas.

"You guys need to take care of yourselves." Sam said after a moment. He couldn't handle losing either Kerri or Dean, let alone both of them.

"What about you?"

"I'm alright at the moment and I don't think Bobby needs two other sick hunters on his hands."

"So I'm your scapegoat?"

"You're my friend. I have Dean to be a scapegoat. We need to figure out what we're dealing with, Kerri."

"Is that why you waited for Dean to pass out before you came down here?"

"No. Well not intentionally. I was wondering about something."

"Yeah?"

"You can't recall anything you didn't actually study. I mean, things you heard are there, but you don't know about them."

"Technically yeah, but at the moment everything's kind of a jumbled mess."

"But normally, you have to study it."

"What are you getting at?"

"The Kosmokrates, all the other 'bad' stuff, how did you learn about it?"

"I read about it. When I found out what was happening, I don't know, I just wanted to know stuff. I had this urge to learn, it was really weird. My dad tried to keep me from it, but I was curious."

"How did you get away?"

"My dad wasn't exactly the most present of parents. A lot of it was from the library I took you to when we were looking for Dean. My dad also worked for the university so I went on some digs with the school's archaeological society."

"So you know where all the information is? If someone doesn't get it from your mind there's still a way to learn it?"

"Not exactly."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Anything dangerous I destroyed."

"You what? Kerri, texts like that had to be—."

"Priceless? Irreplaceable?"

"Yes!"

"All they were good for was destroying the world, Sam. They won't be missed."

"But, you could have destroyed some key to the past."

"I didn't. But even if I had, I won't blame myself for erasing the past in favor of the here and now."

"You know you sealed your own fate by doing that."

"And leaving it for some demon to find wouldn't have screwed me and the rest of the world over? I'm one person, Sam, and I'm not gonna put myself before the rest of the world."

"I didn't think of it that way."

"Yeah, I know. I second guessed myself every time I burned something. But not all history is good. So, you wanna search my mind?"

"Yeah. Before Evelyn left I heard some snippets of conversations. There was one she had with your dad about helping you. I think she knew something."

"Stop there. Before we go any further I want you to be straight with me, Sam. Is Evelyn really gone?"

Sam was going to lie to her, but once he looked into her fathomless blue eyes he knew he couldn't. This was her sister they were talking about, and alive or dead Sam couldn't keep them apart. "She's still possessing me, I think. But I haven't seen or heard her in a while." Technically, it was still a lie, but well, bending the truth never hurt anyone.

"Ok."

"If it helps at all, she cared about you a lot. I think the reason she stopped talking to your dad was because she was worried about you."

"It does help. Thank you. She died so quick— there were a lot of things unsaid. I'm sorry for what she did to you, but the little bit you learned has helped." Kerri smiled sadly, resting her hand on his arm.

Sam couldn't have felt like more of an ass at that moment. Evelyn wasn't just some quiet shadow at the back of his mind, she was loudly and forcefully proclaiming her existence. Kerri needed her sister, but Sam knew he would get nothing but trouble if he let the redhead know just how close to the surface Evelyn was, and that her spirit was becoming more and more lucid with each passing hour.

"So, I think I'm gonna have to do something a little different to protect you while we search your mind."

"Ok, hang on. First, I want Dean to be here."

"Are you high? He's not gonna let us."

"He needs to be involved, whether he likes it or not. I wanna find a way to stop this, and if I know something I wanna find it— but I don't wanna do it under Dean's nose."

"Ok. But lets let him sleep."

"I think we all need to rest. Something tells me we're not gonna get another chance for a while."


	10. Chapter 10

_happy holidays everyone. thank you all for the reviews :) enjoy. _

**DARKEST BEFORE DAWN**

Chapter 10

Rayner paced back and forth across the living room of his house, a scotch in one hand, cigar in the other. He wanted to get Kerri back to him, and he wanted the Winchesters out of the picture. He knew Azazel wanted Sam, but Rayner was not prepared to help speed along the apocalypse. He still couldn't believe what the demon was planning. Sam Winchester wasn't just any kid, he was the freaking second coming. The world was gonna end, and he was gonna be the one to flip the switch. Rayner needed a game plan, needed a way to stop the Yellow Eyed Demon. He didn't think killing Sam would be enough, he wasn't about to underestimate Azazel's power.

The witch knew at that moment that he needed to get Kerri Harrison back. She had answers he could only dream of, and he could use her. He could become more powerful than the demon, could outsmart the yellow eyed bastard, beat him at his own game. He just needed to get the redheaded twenty-nine year old back. And that's where Bruce Chetling came in. Rayner knew if anyone could find the Winchesters it would be him. Bruce built his career on deep cover, hell he was the master of it. He knew all the avenues, knew all the places to hide, and he a had strange ability to chase others out of hiding.

The only problem now, was getting away from Azazel. Rayner knew it wouldn't be easy. The demon had a very deep interest in both Sam and Kerri, and he knew the creature would stop at nothing to get his prize. It would be a precarious balancing act, but Rayner was certain he could beat the demon.

"Why so nervous?"

Victor swung around at the voice, his heart skipping a beat when he saw the Demon standing behind him, his sickly yellow eyes hungry. Rayner schooled his features almost instantly. He had taken precautions to keep the demon out of his house, but they had obviously not been enough.

"Who says I'm nervous."

"Your heart rate is 140, you're sweating, and your adrenaline is pumping. You're obviously not having a relaxing drink. You weren't thinking about double crossing me, were you , Victor?"

"Of course not."

"So you're willing to help me get Sam Winchester?"

"Yes, our deal still stands."

"Ah, forgive me for being so blunt, but I think you're lying to me. I know you've contacted another hunter about the brothers. And I don't believe that was part of our plan."

"I just thought it would make it easier to find the boys."

"It won't. If they know someone's looking for them they'll stay under cover."

"But the hunter I called is an expert in deep cover."

"I see. And when were you planning on telling me about this?"

"I'm telling you now."

"After I asked." The demon sighed, pacing slowly around the room. "But I can't help but see another road. You were going to find the brothers, and then you were going to use Kerri against me."

"No, never."

"Never, really. Well then, lets make sure of that."

An ear piercing, earth shattering, scream broke through the heavy silence of the house. Victor didn't have a second to react when Azazel gripped the sides of his head. The last thing Victor Rayner saw was a plum of black smoke leaving the demon's mouth— and heading straight for him.

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Azazel watched as the body he had been using dropped lifelessly to the ground. He stretched, working out the kinks in his new body. The instant he took over Rayner, he felt a surge of power. He hadn't been aware of the witch's blood link to Kerri Harrison, but the moment he possessed the man, it was clearly obvious. The connection was like electricity, but it was also jumbled. He knew she was still alive, still out there somewhere, and that she was still observing and storing information, but that was all he could sense.

The Demon searched his new host's mind, learning all he could about Rayner's betrayal. Azazel didn't like the fact that another hunter was involved, but maybe this man would help him get to Sam Winchester sooner rather than later. He smiled, walking slowly toward the half empty bottle of scotch. He normally took completely human hosts, but having one with a few tricks up his sleeve would definitely be a nice change of scenery.

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Dean was lost in a dream world he couldn't escape. He felt like he was drowning, arms grabbing at him, pulling him under the icy water of the lake by Kerri's house. He could hear his brother screaming, but he couldn't pull in enough air to call back. This wasn't the way it was supposed to happen. He had been pushed into the water as a child, but he had had the bracelet in his pocket, and that small bit of silver had destroyed the Watcher.

He tried to fight off the hands holding him down, tried to find the air to call out for Sammy. This wasn't what was supposed to happen. He needed to get to Kerri and Sam, needed to keep them away from the Watcher.

"Dean." Sam called out again, and Dean struggled to get to him. "Snap out of it."

"Sammy?" Dean mumbled, pushing open his eyes and taking a deep breath. He sat up instantly. He was no longer underwater, no longer struggling against the long dead children which had kept Kerri's property empty for so many years. He was sitting in the cluttered living room at Bobby's house, the concerned mechanic eyeing him over Sam's shoulder.

"You ok?" Sam asked, his hands still on Dean's shoulders.

"Yeah, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. I came up here and you were having a nightmare."

"I'm ok, Sam. Why'd you come up here, is Kerri ok?"

"Yeah, she's doing good."

"Anything I need to know about, Boys?" Bobby asked, bringing Dean's attention back to him. Bobby had his jacket on and keys in his hand.

"Where're you going?"

"Need to help someone out another state over. I'll be gone a few days. House is stocked up for you, though."

"You're leaving?"

"I offered her help before you called. I was gonna stay, but Sam says he has everything covered. I can hang around if it's better."

"Nah, it's ok. Do you have any clues about Kerri?"

"Sorry, Kid, I came up empty. But you three have free reign of the library. I'll keep searching while I'm away, too."

"Don't tell anyone."

"You think I've gone senile or something?"

"Sorry. It's just— I've got a lot on my mind. Thanks, Bobby, for everything."

"Always. If you need me, just call, I'll head right back."

"Ok."

The brothers watched as Bobby left. Dean felt an instant pang of loss when he listened to the truck leave. After his father's death Bobby had assumed the role, becoming a father figure for Dean. In all honesty, the blonde had been hoping they'd drive in and Bobby would have the answer waiting for them, calling them idiots for missing it. But it was obvious now that this went beyond everything they knew.

"Kerri needs you downstairs." Sam stated quietly a few minutes later.

"I thought you said everything was alright."

"It is. She just wanted you there when we went ahead with the plan." Sam answered slowly, looking down at his hands.

"What plan?" Dean didn't remember coming up with any plans.

"I'm gonna help her search her mind."

"Sam, no."

"It's two against one, Dean. I was gonna do it while you were sleeping, but Kerri insisted you be involved."

"Why? You're not gonna listen to me anyway."

"Maybe not, but at least you won't be that far out of the loop."

"Sam, the last time I went along with something I didn't like I found Kerri on the floor."

"This will be different. I can keep her safe, I know I can."

"How can you be so sure?"

"It's just— I feel like I can do this."

"Because of the demon blood?"

"I don't know. Believe me, Dean, I would give anything to be normal. But I'm not. The least I could do is use what happened to me to help someone I care about."

Dean watched his brother, staring at him long and hard. It was like he was seeing the young man for the first time. This wasn't his baby brother any more, wasn't Sammy, this was Sam— a hunter, a grown man. His brother was an adult, and as much as Dean hated it, it was time he let the younger man make his own choices. "Alright, Sammy. Lets do it."

Dean followed his brother down the stairs, his heart heavy. He didn't want to do this. The danger of it was eating a way at him, but there was more hiding beneath the surface— this would drive home the fact that neither his brother nor best friend were normal. If they didn't try this, if Sam didn't shield himself and Kerri while they took a trip through her brain, then he could pretend they were just Sam and Kerri, just the kids he grew up with. But the moment they went through with their plan they would step over the invisible line between worlds— and it was a line Dean wouldn't be able to cross.

He felt a little of his stress melt away when he came down the basement stairs. He could see Kerri sitting in the entry way of the panic room. She looked beyond bored, but also stronger and healthy than she had in a long time. Hell, they both looked better than they had in a long time. Dean didn't know if it was because of the panic room or something else, but he welcomed it all the same. He took a step behind Sam, though, when he saw her face. Kerri looked pissed.

"Are you hiding behind me?" Sam whispered, trying to step away from his brother.

"Yes." Dean whispered back, keeping step with his little brother.

"Knock it off."

"Heck no, she looked like she could kill."

"She does not."

"What are you two whispering about?" Kerri eyed the brothers suspiciously.

"Dean thinks you're gonna beat him up."

"Really? I won't. Come in here, I'll show you."

Dean just looked at Kerri, her mischievous little glare tipping him off. He knew Kerri would never hurt him, but he also knew he wasn't about to go into that room without sam as a shield. She was devious in her own way. And it just drove home what they were about to do even more. Here they were, messing around like that had all their lives, but in a few minute's time, they would be stepping into uncharted territory.

"You guys through screwing around?" Sam asked, breaking Dean from his inner peace.

Dean sighed, he would never be ready for this, but he knew they didn't have a choice. "Yeah, lets get it over with." He stepped over the threshold of the panic room behind Sam. He felt like he was walking to the electric chair, his steps slower and heavier than they normally were. They were on the brink of the unknown, and Dean wouldn't be able to follow his brother or Kerri over the edge.

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Sam could feel his pulse rising as he sat cross legged across from Kerri, their knees touching. They had closed the door to the panic room, hoping it would offer a little more protection for the pair. They were also sitting directly under the fan, and devil's trap, in the middle of the room. Sam didn't know if any of that would help, but he wasn't about to take any more risks than needed. They were stepping into uncharted territory, and he didn't know where the path they were taking would lead. Closing the door had succeeded in one thing, though, Evelyn was sealed out.

Sam had been afraid to step over the threshold of the panic room— hell he wasn't even sure he could. He was still possessed by Evelyn, or linked to Evelyn, he still wasn't exactly sure which term was more accurate. Either way, there was no telling if that link would keep him from entering the protected space. Now he was there, and he could hear Evelyn's angry voice on the other side of the door. The brunette was getting stronger, a lot stronger, and Sam knew he would have hell to pay when he left the room. After all, this had really been her idea, and now she was sealed away from them all.

He let out a long breath, he couldn't think about Evelyn right now. The ghost would still be there after this was over, he needed to focus on Kerri. He looked again into the redhead's deep blue eyes. He felt his heart skip a beat as he stared into her fathomless gaze— all he could see was trust. She trusted him with all her heart, Sam knew that, and he felt himself being crushed under that responsibility. He didn't know how Dean did it, how his big brother took on so many people's fears, how he shouldered the burden of pure trust.

"We ready?" Sam asked, pushing all his fears to the back of his mind.

"As I'll ever be." Kerri answered, glancing between him and Dean.

Dean was sitting on the desk beside them, a gun by his side. Sam knew it would be of virtually no use, but it made the older man feel more in control, and Sam wasn't about to take that away from him. He felt bad going where his brother could not, but he knew they didn't have a choice. This was their lives, and they were going to have to learn to deal with it.

"Alright." Sam began, rubbing his hands. He really had no idea what to do next. "Close your eyes and try to relax."

"You're not gonna start chanting, are you?"

"Being serious would help."

"I was just trying to lighten the mood. Ok, I think I know what to do." Kerri began, pushing her long hair back over her shoulders.

"What? How?" Sam had been winging it based on what Evelyn had taught him. So how the heck did Kerri know what to do?

"When I was in that room with Rayner and Yellow Eyes. I couldn't yell or anything, so I just thought about you guys. I kind of hid away inside my brain, and I saw you there, Sam. So, I'm guessing I'll just do that same thing. Look inside for you guys."

"I guess that sounds good." Sam began. Kerri's idea seemed valid.

"You guys aren't really inspiring much confidence." Dean spoke for the first time, and Sam could hear the edge in his voice. They needed to get started before Dean tried to stop them.

Sam let out a long breath, looking at Kerri one more time before closing his eyes. He tuned out the world, the sound of the fan overhead the only thing breaking through the heavy silence. Sam focused on Kerri. He drew a picture of her in his mind, her long red hair, piercing blue eyes and infectious smile forming in his mind. He thought about her laugh, her voice, the way she walked, the way she looked when she slept.

"This is really weird."

"What part of be quiet do you not get." Sam spoke, opening his eyes. His heart nearly stopped.

"You should see your face." Kerri smiled, but Sam could tell by the waver in her voice she was equally as unnerved.

"Dean's gotta be freaking out." Sam looked around him. He and Kerri were together, but they were definitely no longer with Dean. They were in a dark grey room, almost like a cell, with three doors surrounding them. Sam was standing in front on one door while Kerri was next to another, the third door right in between them— all three were closed.

"You think we passed out or are just sitting there?"

"I have no idea." Sam answered, still studying the doors.

"What about the doors?"

"My guess is the one behind me is my brain, and the one behind you is yours."

"And the third?"

"Hopefully the panic room."

"Are you sure you're right?"

"No. I'm not sure about anything. Do you have a better idea?"

"No. So, whose brain are we gonna visit?"

"Yours, Kerri." Sam crossed his arms, eyeing his friend. He and Kerri didn't often spend time alone together, she was always closer to Dean. The brunette saw this as a chance to get to know her more, to see into the secret world Kerri Harrison called home.

"Well, mine's all screwed up. Maybe we should practice with yours."

"Evelyn's not there if that's what you're looking for." Sam began, trying to sound like Dean. He knew the redhead was looking for her sister, and Sam also knew she couldn't see her. He hadn't known Evelyn in her final years, but he knew the ghost he was currently speaking with wasn't the same girl Kerri was longing to see. The dead should stay dead, and Sam didn't want this 'half-Evelyn' to erase the memories Kerri had of her little sister.

Kerri just gave him a look, but a moment later she sighed. "Fine. So, should I go in first?"

"Hold my hand."

"Why?"

"Cause I don't want to get split up. I don't think we'll be able to get back out of here just by waking up. I think we need to go through that other door. The last thing we need is to get lost in here."

"Sam, I don't know what we're gonna find in there."

"I'll be right beside you. We'll be fine." Sam smiled at her, taking her hand before turning toward the door. He hoped he was right. He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly before nodding to Kerri. The redhead grabbed the handle, turning it and pushing open the door. Without another thought, Sam and Kerri stepped through the door, and into the unknown.


	11. Chapter 11

_hi again. thank you all for the great reviews :) on to the next chapter. _

**DARKEST BEFORE DAWN**

Chapter 11

Dean sat on the desk, his leg bouncing on the chair in front of him. He hated this. He hated waiting, hated being alone, hated being left out of the loop. And at the moment he was suffering from all three of the things he hated. Sure Kerri and Sam were sitting a few feet away from him, but both had been frighteningly still for the past few minutes. It was weird. Both could be quiet, losing themselves for hours at a time in books, but this was just unnatural. He wanted to shake them, to wake them both up, but something in him told him not to. He didn't know what was happening in their minds, and he didn't want them in any more danger than they already were. As much as he hated it, he was just going to have to sit there and wait.

Dean pushed off the desk, pacing around the small space. He was beginning to feel like a caged animal. He didn't know how anyone could spend any amount of time in that small, dark, damp space. Hell, he'd been down there for fifteen minutes and he was already going crazy. He walked over to the door, reaching for the handle before stopping himself. There was still a devil's trap and salt barrier with the door open, but something told him to keep it closed. He turned back to the still silent pair behind him, the hairs on the back of his neck standing on end. Something wasn't right.

Dean went back to the desk to retrieve his gun. He took a deep breath, turning back to the door as he strengthened his grip on the shotgun. He schooled his features, sliding open the small peephole Bobby had installed on the door. He jumped back instantly, slamming the small metal flap shut. He didn't know what he had been expecting, but that was definitely not it. Directly on the other side of the door was a ferocious set of pale blue eyes. Evelyn was trapped outside the room, and she was pissed.

He pulled the peephole open again, this time prepared for the girl on the other side of the door. But suddenly, Evelyn was nowhere to be seen. The energy it took to materialize had obviously silenced her for the time being, but Dean's mind was running a mile a minute. Sam said she was gone, but that had obviously been a lie. Either that or the brunette was hanging around, drawing energy away from Sam without him knowing.

Dean rubbed his tired eyes, his world slowly crashing all around him. At that moment, he wanted nothing more than to have his father back. He was tired of being the leader of his small family, tired of being the one with the answers, the one who could fix everything for no reason other than because. He knew it was childish, but at that moment he didn't care. Everything was crashing down on him and he was tired of it all. He just wanted everything to be normal again. Unfortunately, instead of seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, all Dean could see was darkness. But then, wasn't it supposed to be darkest right before the dawn?

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Kerri didn't know what she had been expecting. She had been living with her own mind all her life, but she never physically stepped inside it. She was afraid she would be bombarded by images, dark shadows ripping through her, pain dragging her down into the abyss. Hell, the last time she searched her mind she had stopped her own heart. But she knew Sam was right, they needed to know what was going on and she was their best source of information. She just didn't want to be different, didn't want to be a freak. Ignoring her problem had saved her from that label, but now, well now there was no running from it anymore.

She looked over at Sam, feeling a strange connection to the shaggy haired hunter. She wasn't alone, at least not in the 'different' department. Sam had demon blood in him, was psychic— he was different from the rest of the world, just like she was. When they were kids Sam was like a little brother to her. She looked after him and cared about him, but he was younger, and she often left him to play with Evelyn. Dean was who she was closer to as a child, who she had bonded with. But as adults, those roles had begun to change ever so slightly. Sam wasn't the nerdy little brat he had been all those years ago. He had grown and so had their friendship.

"This is different." Sam began, breaking Kerri from her thoughts. Which was weird, cause how could you have thoughts while you were technically standing in your own brain.

"I think I'm giving myself a headache."

"What? Cause we're here?"

"No, because I'm trying to over think the fact that I'm getting lost in my thoughts while standing in my thoughts."

"Yeah, that's confusing."

"Do we still have to hold hands?"

"Huh?" Sam started, staring down at their joint hands. "Yes."

"Why? I feel like a dork."

"Who's gonna see you?"

"No one. But I still feel stupid."

"Fine." Sam let go of her hand, "But don't come crying to me when you get stuck."

Kerri just rolled her eyes, taking a step closer to Sam as she did so. The loss of contact was more frightening than she had thought it would be, but she wasn't about to admit that to Sam. She followed Sam as he took a few more steps into the room. They were standing in what looked like a very old library. The two story room was covered in dark wood panelling, extending back beyond her line of sight— and it was a mess. She figured it was a mental representation of the information in her mind, but it was still beyond weird.

"It looks like the place exploded." Sam commented, picking up a book lying open on the floor.

"It basically did. Rayner's little invasion hurt like hell. What's that?" Kerri looked over Sam's arm, staring at the book in his hands.

"I don't know."

The book wasn't a book in the normal sense. While the binding and cover resembled an old book the inside looked more like a small television. Kerri stared in awe at the pages, watching as a scene from her life played out right in front of her eyes.

_Kerri was sitting at the kitchen table, a well worn magazine open in front of her. She had read it a thousand times, but it was giving her something to do. Her dad had been more than distant since her first seizure four months beforehand. But when he was around, he watched her like a hawk, monitoring her every move. She had no idea what was going on. Maybe he was afraid of her illness, or maybe he was angry about it. After all, she was already different, already the town freak, and now she couldn't even control her own body. _

_ She let out a long sigh— she missed Dean. This would all be easier if he was around, she knew that for a fact. Yes, she would still be sick and her father would still be acting like a whack-job, but that wouldn't matter if Dean was there. Life wasn't as stressful with him around, wasn't as lonely. She hadn't realized how huge apart of her world he was until he left. She could feel herself dying inside, her soul drifting back to a dark place, a secluded place. If she couldn't have Dean, then she didn't want anyone around her. _

Kerri slammed the book closed— she had seen and felt enough. Her emotions were playing like a tape recorder, and based on the look in Sam's eyes, the brunette knew exactly what her sixteen year old self had been feeling and thinking.

"Why'd you do that?"

"That's not the memory we're looking for." Kerri answered quietly, gazing around the room. It looked like someone had ransacked her home, and in essence, they had. Rayner had reached into her mind during his first attack, and he had destroyed everything Kerri had spent her entire life building. Suddenly, she felt more than exposed, and she didn't want Sam rooting around her thoughts and memories.

"What exactly are we looking for?"

"Uh." Sam turned back to her, having picked up another book. They both kept saying they were looking for answers, but now they were here they weren't completely sure what 'answers' they needed. "A way to help you. Evelyn knew something, so you probably do, too. And, you know, if there's something else."

"Something else?"

"Yellow Eyes was involved, so maybe—."

"Maybe there's a way to fix you?"

Sam just looked down, turning the book in his hands over and over again. In all the chaos Kerri had let Sam slip through the cracks. He had demon blood in him, his mother killed because she had witnessed the process— the same mother that had somehow made the entire thing possible. Kerri couldn't even imagine what that onslaught of information was doing to Sam. She wished she could tell him they would find an answer, wished she could make him normal again, but she was certain this was only the beginning.

"Maybe." She answered quietly, turning back toward the library.

The pair continued through the room in silence, picking up books, glancing at memories as they placed them on the shelves. Kerri kept both Sam and the door in eyes shot, not wanting to lose the younger man. She didn't want him hurt because of her, didn't want him lost. But more importantly, she didn't want to be alone. She rubbed her eyes, turning back to the task at hand. She picked up another book, turning it over before opening it, the memory beginning almost instantly.

_Dean's face was pale, his long eyelashes dark against his white skin. She had never seen him look so small before. Dean was larger than life. He was strong, he was brave— he wasn't supposed to be so broken. She reached out slowly for his hand, needing the contact, but terrified of it at the same time. His skin was cold and clammy, his hand limp. She looked up at his face, searching for the slightest hind of recognition, the smallest trace of awareness. But there was nothing. She brushed back his hair, being careful of the bandages and stitches. If she had it her way, she would never let him go again. _

Kerri closed the book, trying to push the black dog attack from her mind. It was so vivid, the fear as real as it had been that night. She hadn't been allowed to see him at the hospital, immediate family only, so that moment at the house was the first time she had seen what had become of her long time friend. In those small hours of the night, he hadn't been Dean, hadn't been her hero— he had been fragile, sick, nearly lost forever. And it was a memory she wished she could erase.

She looked back over the room. Sam was lost in the books, lost in the information she knew he was probably soaking up like a sponge. He was occupied, good. She turned back to the book in her hands, opening it again— maybe, just maybe. She ripped a page out, and almost instantly a pain unlike any she had ever felt ripped through her body. Kerri gripped the sides of her head, falling to her knees as the pain increased. Yeah, that had definitely been a bad idea. She didn't know what she had been expecting to happen, but with her current luck she shouldn't have been surprised.

"Kerri? What's wrong?" Sam's frantic voice broke through the slowly ebbing pain. Kerri blinked a few times before looking up into his concerned brown eyes.

"I'm ok."

"What happened?" Sam asked again, his hands still on her shoulders. It was obvious from the look in his eyes that 'ok' wasn't going to be a good answer.

"I tried something."

Sam just stared at her, concern quickly giving way to annoyance. "Tried something?"

"Maybe."

"Something like what, exactly?"

Kerri just held up the book, shocked to see that where she had ripped the page was now bleeding. But then, it wasn't a real book but a representation of her mind— and she knew damage had been done.

"Damn it, Ker."

"I was just trying to help."

"Help? You just ripped part of your brain up."

"I didn't think that far ahead. You don't know what this is like. I just wanna be normal!"

"I don't know what it's like! I don't know. I've got demon blood in me, Kerri. You might be willing to rip parts of your brain to pieces. But I can't. I can't get it out of me. So tell me, who's more screwed here?"

Kerri started at Sam— they were more alike than anyone ever knew. She wished she could help him, wished she could make everything normal, make everything the way it had been when they were young. But then, their youths had been a lie. Both she and Sam had been like this since they were babies, cursed their entire lives— there was no way this could be made better.

"I'm sorry."

"Ker— don't. It's just."

"I know. Did you find anything useful?" Kerri asked, desperate to change the subject.

"No." Sam answered quietly.

Kerri wanted to know what he had seen in her mind, what he had learned— but she was afraid. Sam would respect her, he wouldn't tell anyone about the private moments of her life, and she was ok with that. She had always trusted Sam, always known she could tell him anything. He was more analytical, more scientific then his brother. To Dean everything was his fault, something he alone had to fix. Sam, on the other hand, studied the world around him, looked at it from different angles, and learned from it.

"We'll try again." Kerri smiled, resting her hand on Sam's arm. "Right now, I think we need to get back to Dean. He's been alone for a while."

Sam nodded, locking eyes with her. She knew he had seen some of her time after they left, knew he had witnessed the pain her elder years had been. She could tell by his face. But she couldn't shield him from the world, couldn't protect him. Dean still tried to but Kerri knew the moppy haired little boy once affectionately known as 'Sammy' had grown up.

"So, back through the door?" Kerri asked, turning to the end of the long room.

"Sounds like a plan to me." Sam took her hand again before heading to the door, and hopefully back to the real world.


	12. Chapter 12

_thank you all once again for the great reviews. enjoy :)_

**DARKEST BEFORE DAWN**

Chapter 12

Dean's heart was beating out of his chest. Sam and Kerri had been sitting quietly on the ground one minutes and the next— the next both Sam and Kerri's noses were bleeding. He had tried to wake them, but they had both remained completely still. They didn't fall over, didn't twitch, hell he even had to check to make sure they were still breathing. He knew this was a bad idea— why the hell had he listened to them in the first place. He should have followed his gut, should have found another way. He couldn't lose them, not like this.

"Come on, Sammy." Dean whispered, checking his brother's eyes.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Dean jumped back when Sam spoke, startled when he saw the young man looking up at him as though nothing had happened. "I was making sure you were still alive."

"I'm fine."

"Fine huh? So being comatose and bleeding is fine?"

"What?" Sam jumped up, running to the mirror. "What the hell?"

"That's what I said. When it started I tried to wake you guys up but I wasn't getting anything."

"Are you bleeding to, Ker?" Sam asked, not turning from the mirror. The silence that followed had Dean's heart in his throat.

"Kerri?" He asked, moving toward the redhead. "Ker?" But she was perfectly still, just like Sam had been moments before. "What happened?"

"Nothing, she should be awake. I mean, she was fine when we were leaving. Hell I was even holding her hand."

"Did something happen while you were searching her mind?"

"There was an incident. But it didn't seem to cause much trouble."

"You're both bleeding and I can't wake her up. That sounds like trouble to me. What went on?" Dean was still uncomfortable with what the pair had done— and the fact that he hadn't been able to follow them.

"Her mind was like a giant library, but it looked like there had been an earthquake. We started cleaning and thats when we noticed the books weren't really books."

"Hold on. How was there a building in her head?"

"It was a representation. Like a psychic world build so we would understand."

"Alright. That's weird."

"Tell me about it."

"So the books?"

"The book were memories. You could watch it like a movie, but you could also feel everything Kerri felt."

"What did you see?"

"Nothing that would help. Mainly just bits of Kerri's life." Sam answered sadly. Dean knew the redhead's life hadn't been easy, but until that moment he had been able to pretend he was wrong. Seeing the pained look in his younger brother's eyes gave everything away. There were emotions and memories locked away, and though Dean wanted to know everything about his best friend, he also knew some things were meant to be private.

"What was the incident?"

"Uh, we separated. We were cleaning the room, Kerri said it helped. Putting everything back on shelves lessened the onslaught. I could feel it, too. I checked each book before I put it back, but couldn't find anything helpful. Kerri, had other ideas."

"Which were?" Dean asked, though he knew he could probably guess what she had done.

"She ripped up one of the books. She thought she could destroy the memory."

"And?"

"And, she destroyed it. The book was bleeding. But it hurt her, a lot. It was like she gave herself a mini lobotomy. That's probably when our noses started to bleed. We left right after that. We walked right back through the door we had come in— I don't know why I woke up and she didn't."

"You think it's because of what she did?"

"No. I mean, it hurt her, but there didn't seem to be any lasting damage. Just one less memory."

"Then why isn't she awake, Sammy?"

"I don't know."

66666666666666

Kerri blinked a few times— this was definitely not right. She had walked back through the library door and into the first room with Sam. And, along with Sam she had stepped through the door which was supposed to lead back to Dean. Apparently, something went wrong because not only was she standing in an indiscernible haze, Sam was nowhere to be seen. This was not good. She closed her eyes for a few minutes, opening them again slowly. The space around here was slightly more in focus, but that only made it painfully obvious that she wasn't in the panic room.

Kerri could feel her heart burning in her chest as her sister's long gone apartment slowly came into focus. The last time she had been there, she had watched both her father and sister burn to death. The redhead fought back tears as the memory came back to her. She could feel the heat of the fire on her face, the smell of burnt flesh invading her senses. She felt like it was happening all over again. The loss, the pain, the fear— it was all there, all threatening to beat her down, and Kerri could no longer fight it.

She gasped when she felt a pair of cold hands cup her face, her heart nearly stopping when she looked up into a set of pale blue eyes she would never forget. She couldn't believe what she was seeing, her heart beating so fiercely she could barely breath, let alone comprehend the situation. But there, standing in front of her, smiling serenely, was Evelyn.

"How?" Kerri managed to choke out. This wasn't a spirit, wasn't something made of smoke and haze. Kerri could feel her sister's skin, could hear her breathing— she was real.

"You're safe." Evelyn answered quietly, looking more at peace than Kerri had ever seen her. The silence after Evelyn's words was deafening. Over three years ago that soft voice had been forever silenced. It was like hearing music for the first time, like being born again.

Kerri could feel tears streaming down her face as she continued to kneel on the floor. "Where?"

"You're safe." Evelyn repeated again. Instantly the bond Kerri felt broke. Evelyn sounded like a recording.

The brunette stepped back, smiling at her sister like she had just won a prize. Kerri stood slowly, looking around the room with renewed interest. This was Evelyn's apartment, there was no denying that, but still, it didn't feel completely real. And suddenly, reality dawned on the redhead. Sam said Evelyn was still there, still possessing him even though she had remained in the shadows.

"You took me from Sam."

"You're safe now. You were not safe with them."

"It's Dean and Sam, of course—."

"You're not safe with them." Evelyn's voice was sharper, louder, and it made Kerri take a step back. Apparently, whatever form Evelyn was actually in, she could still get pissed.

"Am I in Sam's mind?"

"You're in both our minds. I made a bridge. It was what we were doing wrong. I couldn't live in your mind, it wasn't big enough— we needed a neutral zone."

"Which is?"

"Our own little plane of existence. It's half my mind and half his." Evelyn spoke evenly, her eyes drifting to the front door before sliding back to her. And Kerri understood. One door was Evelyn's mind and one was Sam's, and this was the space between. It was then Kerri noticed something frightening— there was only one door.

"Where's the door to Sam?" She asked cautiously.

Evelyn's eyes hardened for a moment, the brunette staring at her before answering. "You're safe."

Kerri closed her eyes, knowing she was in trouble. It was the reason Sam kept passing out— there was no door for him to go through freely, Evelyn was controlling everything. Yes this was common ground, technically, but Evelyn had been the one to create it, meaning she was the only one to walk freely in and out. When Kerri and Sam had gone into her mind they had done it together, a joint decision. There hadn't been any collaboration when Evelyn took over the younger man's mind.

"Where's Sam?"

"With his brother."

Kerri started at Evelyn as the brunette walked to the window. Not only had she been stolen by her dead sister, her body was now with a very awake— and most likely very worried— Sam and Dean. This just kept getting better. Another thought suddenly occurred to her. "How'd you get into the panic room?"

"I didn't, Sam did. That was enough."

Ok, Kerri thought, time to change gears. "Sam said he heard something when he was in here. A conversation between you and Dad."

"I don't think so."

"Some way to keep me safe. To help me."

"You are safe. I'm helping you now."

"This isn't really helping."

"You're safe. You can stay here."

"For how long?"

"Forever."

"Ev—." Kerri began, panic quickly setting in.

"I won't let anyone hurt you. You're safe. I'm keeping you safe."

"But what about Dean? What about my body?"

"They're not safe."

"Dean's always kept me safe."

"He's human. I'm better. You're safe."

Kerri wanted to bang her head against the wall. She just couldn't get through to her sister, but then that wasn't much different than when they were both alive. "I can't leave Dean. Besides, you kept saying you had to save 'them'. What happened to saving Dean, too?"

"I thought I could stop the inevitable. I didn't realize until now fate cannot be changed. I have to save you. He won't be there much longer."

"What? What the hell are you talking about?"

"Time's up. There's a war starting, but here you're safe. I used to think I could stop the war, that I could hold it off if I stopped the deal. But I was wrong. But, Kerri, now that Victor has reached into your mind— I can feel the strength. I understand now."

"I don't care what you understand. I don't care about me. I care about Sam and Dean."

"Sam will be fine."

"You just said they won't be around much longer."

"Dean won't. Sam's their leader, Dean is their pawn. You were supposed to be their brain."

"Evelyn, what is going on?"

"Azazel planned the end of the world long ago. Sam is his prize, his general, his leader. I was supposed to be, too. And you, you were his knowledge. The three of us together, we were going to reign over Armageddon. I thought I could change it, I thought I could keep you away from it all. I thought I could give you normal."

"Evelyn, there's four of us."

"No, Kerri, there were only meant to be three."

"You knew about all this and you still stayed with Yellow Eyes."

"He promised me you'd be safe. I left when I found out he had lied."

"He promised you, me and Sam would be safe. What about Dean? Hell what about Dad?"

"Dad deserved to die." Evelyn's voice was so cold it made Kerri shiver. This wasn't the Evelyn she had grown up with— this was the psychic the Demon had trained.

"What about Dean? What about saving both of us."

"I thought he was stronger. I thought saving him would help keep you safe— that he would look after you. But he didn't. All he's done is put you in danger. It was a choice between my sister and her long lost friend. I chose you. I chose my big sister."

"Dean can keep me safe. He's stronger than any of you will ever know."

"Maybe so. But he still isn't strong enough."

"Why didn't you tell me any of this before you died?"

"I tried, you didn't listen. Besides, why didn't you tell me you saw the Demon in my bedroom when Mom died?"

"I didn't think— I'm sorry."

"I refuse to be sorry for the choices I make."

"What if it's the wrong choice?"

"What if it's the right one? We can win, Kerri."

"Win what? Is it really worth giving up everything you've fought so hard for? We can still stop it. You, me, Sam and Dean."

"No. You, me and Sam— once Azazel completes his plan, we can take him down from the inside. Once we defeat the Demon, no force on earth will be able to stop us."

"Wait. No. Sam and I won't."

"You had time to make your move. You didn't. You're safe, I will keep you safe."

"I'm not gonna leave Dean out there to get ripped apart."

"He's weak. Weaker than us."

"No he isn't. He might not be supernatural but he's still Dean."

"He's human."

"What's wrong with being human?"

"He's weaker than us, smaller than us."

"I thought the meek were supposed to inherit the world."

"No, Kerri, I'm supposed to inherit the world."

6666666666666

Sam couldn't figure out what went wrong. Hell, nothing had gone wrong. There was no logical reason he should have made it out without Kerri. But then, walking around in someone's brain wasn't exactly logical to begin with. Still, he knew in his heart something else was going on. He looked back over at his brother, his heart aching as he watched Dean with Kerri. He had brought the redhead over to the sofa, lying her down softly before covering her with a blanket.

Sam couldn't help but feel responsible. This was all his idea, hell he had convinced both Dean and Kerri it would be safe— and he had been wrong. He needed to find a way to fix this, needed to know what happened. And there was only one way he could think of learning the truth.

"There has to be something, Sammy." Dean's voice broke through the heavy silence.

"I'm telling you there's nothing. She should have come back with me."

"There wasn't a glitch anywhere?"

"Like a software error."

"Stop being an ass."

"I'm not trying to be one. I'm just saying we left the same way we went in. This shouldn't be happening."

"What about Evelyn?"

"What about Evelyn? I told you, she's gone."

"See, I know that's a lie because I saw her outside the panic room while you two were off galavanting."

"You what? Dean that's not possible."

"A lot of things about today haven't been possible. That hasn't stopped them from happening. Sam, is there anyway she has something to do with this?"

Sam was about about to say no, but he stopped himself. The entire idea had come from what was happening between him and Evelyn, hell it had been the other brunette's idea. It was Evelyn who had told him about the mind walk, that it was as safe as the meetings he had been having with her.

"Oh shit." Sam breathed, how had he been so stupid? Evelyn attacked him when she said he wasn't keeping Kerri safe— and then she had come back a few hours later with this idea. She had tricked him.

"Oh shit what?"

"Evelyn is who gave me this idea."

"And?"

"And, I think she did it for a reason. When I see her, there's a room, kind of like a representation of her mind."

"Like the library in Kerri's head?"

"Yeah. When I see Ev it's always in her old apartment. Evelyn's still possessing me, even though she's been quiet."

"What are you getting at, Sam?"

"She was there, even though we couldn't see or feel her, she could follow us. And I think she took Kerri."

"Why would she do that?"

"Because she said we weren't keeping her safe. But that's not the bad part, Dean."

"There's more?"

"When Kerri and I went in, we started in this room with three doors. One was my mind, one was Kerri's and one was the real world."

"Ok?"

"There's only one door in Evelyn's room, and I can't get it open."

"Which means?"

"Which means, only she can control that space. If Kerri's in there, only Evelyn can get her out."

"Jeez, Sammy."

"This isn't my fault, Dean."

"It isn't? You're the one who said Ev was gone. You're the one who looked me in the face and told me my best friend was going to be fine. That there wasn't possibly anything that could go wrong."

"How was I supposed to know she was gonna kidnap her sister's soul."

"She's obviously not wrapped too tight upstairs. You said she got mad when we got Kerri hurt at Rayner's? Then she magically helps you come up with this idea? You didn't see through that?"

"I was trying to help Kerri. I was trying to help you."

"Help me? By lying to me?"

"I know what she means to you. I've seen what her illness has done to you. Look, Dean, I just wanted to be able to give something back to you. To give her back to you. I know what leaving the Harrisons did. And I know that was my fault. I can't change the past, but I can do my best to give you a future."

"I don't need you to do that for me, Sammy." Dean answered quietly, the anger in his eyes slowly giving way to sorrow. And instantly, Sam felt more than guilty. "I don't need you to look after me."

"You might not need me to, but that's not gonna stop me from doing it. You're my big brother, Dean, you've given everything for me. The least I could do is try to give you something you really want back."

66666666666

Dean's mind was spinning. How had it all gone so wrong. When they were young life was perfect, but the choices they had all made turned that perfection into the darkest abyss Dean had ever seen. There was no way out, at least not one he could find. Every turn only led them deeper into the darkness, further away from the light. With each step he took, Dean Winchester found more and more of his hope draining away.

"Shouldn't we call Bobby." Sam asked, pulling Dean back from the brink of his thoughts.

"No."

"What if something happens. We'll both be stuck."

"We'd be stuck if Bobby was here, too. We can fix this ourselves."

"I still think you should stay behind."

"Oh hell no, Sammy. From here on out its all or nothing."

"Dean—."

"No. We're better together so we do this together. End of story."

"Fine. But I'm stating for the record that I think this is a bad idea."

"I thought it was a bad idea from the beginning, but no one listened to me. So state all you want, but we're doing this my way."

"Ok." Sam nodded, taking a deep breath. He then just stood there.

Dean raised his eyebrows. "Ok…. Can we get a move on?"

"Yeah, yeah."

"What's the matter?"

"It's just. I don't know if this will work. And when Ev gets pissed, she gets pissed."

"Sammy, we're getting Kerri back, no matter what Evelyn tries to do to stop it."

"I think we need to slow down and get a plan together. Kerri's gonna be safe with Ev."

"Is she? Tell me, Sam, truthfully, is the Evelyn you've been talking to the same Evelyn we knew?"

"Yeah— she."

"Honestly?"

Dean could see his younger brother visibly shrink. This wasn't Ev, this was someone different, Dean knew that. But now, finally, the reality of the entire situation was crystal clear. They had returned to Valley almost two years ago, and they had found only Kerri. Dean had been over joyed when he saw the redhead again, the hole burning in his heart finally filled. But Sam, he returned to find nothing and Dean knew he wouldn't have been able to handle it if he was in the younger man's shoes. If they had found only Evelyn, Dean would have been beyond broken— exactly how Sam was now.

The brunette had lost more than he had over the past two years. Yes they had both lost their father, a blow which Dean was still reeling from, but Sam had lost Jessica, and shortly afterwards, Evelyn. Dean, on the other hand, had gotten something he thought lost forever back. He knew it wasn't fair to Sam, knew how heart broken his younger brother was, but he also knew he couldn't and shouldn't bring the dead back.

He let out a long breath when he turned to the cot where Kerri was currently laying. Maybe he was being hypocritical, or maybe he was just grasping at straws. Common sense told him Kerri was gone, beyond his reach. But his heart said otherwise, and Dean knew he wouldn't be able to rest until be brought her back— regardless of the consequences.


	13. Chapter 13

_hello again :). sorry about the delay, i really have no good excuse. thank you all for the great reviews :). enjoy. _

**DARKEST BEFORE DAWN**

Chapter 13

To say he felt a little stupid would be an understatement. He was sitting indian style across from Sam, their knees and hands touching. It was dumb.

"You need to concentrate, Dean." Sam mumbled without opening his eyes.

Dean gave him a look before closing his eyes again and trying to focus. He knew they were doing this for Kerri, knew this was the only way to get her back, but he still felt like he was at a bad slumber party.

"Dude, if we end up in a room full of playboy bunnies, I'm gonna smack you."

"How the hell do you know what I'm thinking?"

"I'm connecting with your mind. Besides, it's not that hard to read you."

"Jerk."

"Bitch. Now shut up and concentrate."

"On what?"

"Me. Just follow me."

Dean cleared his mind, taking a deep breath before focusing on his little brother. He drew a picture of the shaggy haired man sitting across from him in his mind. He thought about all things Sammy, remembered the boy he'd raised, the boy who had been his world for so many years. Sam had learned how to ride a bike with him, had learned how to swim with him. He had taught Sammy, and while it hurt beyond words when the younger man left, Dean couldn't have been more proud of the boy. It was the one thing Dean had actually done right in his life, the one accomplishment he had been most proud of— raising Sam.

He opened his eyes, having a sudden urge to see his little brother, to make sure he was still there and the past couple years hadn't been some mixed up dream. His heart nearly stopped when he saw the world around him. "What the hell?"

The room was hazy but there was no denying where they were. "We're in Kerri's attic."

"I know." Sam answered, looking around.

"Why're we here? How'd we get here?"

"We're not actually at Kerri's house, it's just a representation."

"This is really confusing."

"Yeah."

"So, why are we representing here?"

"Whenever I see Ev, she's in her old apartment. But there's only one door. I need to find some way to get to that door from the other side."

"So we came here?"

"Yeah. To her favorite hiding place."

Dean looked behind Sam, the door to the attic crawl space clearly visible. He felt his stomach lurch. He didn't want to go in there, not after what he had seen the first time. It was proof that Evelyn had grown up to be something different, something less human, and Dean didn't want to tarnish his memory of the spunky and witty little girl.

"How do you know this is gonna work?"

"I don't, but I don't have another idea, either. If Evelyn has Kerri she isn't gonna just let her go. She's warped. All she cares about is keeping Kerri safe."

"How're we supposed to convince her we're the good guys?"

"I don't know. She's like any spirit, fixing on just one thing. And that's keeping her sister safe. After Rayner, I don't know if there's any way we can get back her trust."

Dean was heartbroken by the simple truth. He knew Evelyn looked at him differently after the Watcher, but she still trusted him with her sister's life. Now she thought it was better to steal the redhead's soul than to leave her with him. It hurt more than words could say. He wished he could tell Evelyn Kerri would be safe, that her big sister would live a long and healthy life. But how could he convince the spirit of that if he couldn't even convince himself.

"Ok, so take the pink cake and walk through the door."

"Seems like it." Sam let out a long breath, both brothers facing the small door. It was now or never.

Dean moved forward, the once missing handle now back. He stopped, though, when he felt his brother's hand on his shoulder. "What?"

"Huh, nothing."

"Then why are you holding on to me?"

"So we don't get separated. Kerri and I held hands, so if you'd rather—."

"Ha, ha. Bitch."

"Jerk. Now, open the door."

Dean turned back toward the small door, suddenly terrified. He'd fought and killed things most people wouldn't be able to imagine. Yet here he was, frozen to the spot, afraid of what lay inside the mind of a long dead girl. He didn't know if he would be bombarded with images, if what Evelyn had truly become would rush out of the door and attack. But worse, he didn't know if he'd be able to fight it. Dead or not, this was someone he had once considered family. With one last, deep breath, the blonde moved forward, turning the knob and stepping into the darkness beyond the door.

He blinked a few times, moving forward when Sam came through the door behind him. This was definitely different. They were in the crawl space, but it was lighter, the sent of blood and decay gone. It was how it used to be, before the Yaksha, before the Yellow Eyed Demon, before the truth. The room had light in it, which made sense. Before Evelyn had destroyed the space there had been a small window in the side, just large enough to help vent some of the heat from the old house. It had been enough, though, to light the small space.

As with the real room, every inch of the walls and ceiling were covered in pictures. It took Dean a second to realize they weren't normal pictures. They seemed to move, almost like they were alive. "Hello Harry Potter."

"What?" Sam asked, coming up beside him. Dean was still a little thrown off by the fact that they could stand in the space— since in reality it was little more than four feet high.

"Look at the pictures."

"Holy cow." Sam breathed, taking a few steps closer to one of the walls. "It's like the books in Kerri's mind."

At that moment Dean was happy he hadn't been in the redhead's mind. He didn't want to see her pain, didn't want to see her sorrow— didn't want to see the fallout of his greatest failure. Seeing what had become of Evelyn after he left was enough for him. He didn't need to see what Kerri suffered in his absence. The few details he had already learned about those twelve years had been enough for him.

He moved closer to the walls, drawn by the scenes playing out across them. It seemed the memories of her younger years were closer to the door, the dead girl's mind aging the further back into the space he went. It was weird. "Is this how it was for Kerri?"

"No. Her mind was all jumbled. Plus it was way bigger. Evelyn's is normal."

"Oh." Dean answered quietly, turning back to the pictures. Normal— that word didn't seem to make much sense to him anymore. What was 'normal' anyway? He had grown up fighting monsters, had grown up knowing the thing under the bed was more than likely real. Was he normal because he knew the truth, because he knew what was truly in the dark? Most people would say no. But then, what made most people more normal than him? It was such an arbitrary idea, something Dean wasn't sure he would ever believe in again. Normal was just— overrated.

He scanned the nearest picture, his heart skipping a beat as a familiar scene played out in front of him. It was the weekend they had gone camping with their fathers. It was one of the best memories from his childhood— minus the fake bear attack. Their fathers had relaxed for once in their lives, and the ensuing trip had been more than a then teenage Dean could have asked for. There was no hunting, no danger— just family. He turned away, a deep sorrow laying claim to his heart. He never thought those days would end, but here he was in an alien world.

Dean glanced at Sam, the younger man smiling at some scene out of their childhood, tears in his eyes. Suddenly, the hunter felt like an intruder. Evelyn was like a little sister to him, a tag along he normally pushed off on his little brother. Kerri was the one he was closest to, Kerri was the one he considered his best friend. For Sam, though, Evelyn was his childhood, his world— and she was gone. Of course these memories would mean more to Sam than him. There were times when the two young brunettes would vanish for hours on end, playing and plotting together. Hell, for the younger pair their entire lives had been lived together.

Dean had met Kerri when he was six years old. He remembered life before her, remembered life before the fire— life with his mom. Sam and Evelyn had been toddlers, neither remembered life without the other and now they were both being forced to live it. Even if Evelyn was technically dead.

He took one more long look at Sam, his little brother smiling and breaking down at the same time. Maybe it helped seeing who Evelyn had been all those years ago. God, Dean hoped it did. His little brother had lost so much in the past few years, and Dean didn't want to watch him lose more. But he knew, without a doubt, that once they got Kerri back Evelyn was going to have to go.

Dean turned back to the nearest drawing, watching the memory in front of him unfold.

_Evelyn was sitting in the hallway by Kerri's room, the light shining through the open door illuminating her face. Her dad rarely asked for help, he normally had all the answers. Or at least he had when she was younger. The older she got, the more she realized he wasn't the hero she had always believed him to be. There was a time when her dad could do no wrong, when he could fix anything, make the world better. But that time was over. _

_ Evelyn looked back through the crack in the door, straining to hear what her father and the other man were saying. She tried not to focus on the figure between them, but she couldn't help it. Kerri was laying on the bed, her body still, skin ashen. She had been sick for a long time now. It had been over a year since Sam and Dean had gone— and in that year Evelyn's entire world had crumbled. _

_ Kerri became sick shortly after the Yaksha attacked, and she had gotten worse and worse as time progressed. Her dad had called on countless people, but no one had been able to help. She had heard her dad arguing with someone on the phone a few times, but she knew not to press the matter. Hell, her dad was snapping at her every time she asked when Kerri would get better. No, it was easier for her to stay in the shadows, to stay hidden. After all, that's where the world wanted her. _

_ She had always been left behind, had always been the 'baby' of the group, even though she was actually six months older than Sam. It was just the way things had been, and she had learned to accept it. She turned back to the room when she heard movement. Her dad and the man were standing, Dad taking one more look at Kerri before turning to the door. Evelyn backed up quickly, remaining in the shadows, though she knew it wouldn't make much difference. Her dad had been lost in his own world lately. She could probably stand right in front on him and he wouldn't notice her. _

_ Ev backed up into her room, leaving the door open just enough to hear her dad and the man with him. _

_ "I'm sorry, Tom."_

_ "There has to be something you can do."_

_ "I don't know why she isn't responding better to treatment. Epilepsy, if that's what this really is, can be a mystery sometimes. Who knows, Kerri might figure out how to control the seizures on her own."_

_ "She's getting sicker, Joshua."_

_ "I know. But like I told you, Tom. This is beyond me. Besides, it's hard for me to help when you aren't being truthful."_

_ "What are you talking about?"_

_ "This isn't natural, at least not entirely. You can tell me the truth or you can lie to me, but I know this is supernatural. At least to some extent."_

_ "Joshua—."_

_ "I'm not accusing you. I'm just telling you the honest truth. I don't know of any way to help your daughter. I'm sorry, Tom, I'll keep in touch."_

_ Evelyn leaned back further into the shadows. She listened as the hunter left the house alone, her father have gone back to sit with Kerri. And she waited for what she knew was next. Not ten minutes after Joshua left, she heard the crying. It was the same after every 'specialist'. Each one told Dad there was nothing they could do, and after each visit, her father broke down. Sometimes he made sure he was alone, and sometimes he cried as he watched Kerri sleep. But he always cried. _

_ Evelyn closed her eyes, trying to fight away the despair. First she had lost Sam and Dean, and now she was losing her sister, too. Life just wasn't fair. _

Dean turned away from the picture, fighting back his own tears. Everything was so wrong, so twisted, so damaged. His childhood, the world he had escaped into when things has become too hard, was crumbling. The memories were growing darker, the days dimmer, the happiness tarnished. He looked back at the memory, looked at Evelyn as she sat in the shadows, the sound of Tom's sobs echoing around her. She had been let down, by everyone. Evelyn had fallen through the cracks, had been pushed aside when she had needed people the most.

It was the reason they were here now. It was the reason Kerri's soul had been kidnapped, it was the reason Sam was learned things he should never have. Evelyn was forgotten. But now that she was back, Dean was afraid she was something he wouldn't be able to handle, and evil he wouldn't be able to fight. She had changed, had grown darker and dangerous. Sam wanted to save her, wanted to have the fiery brunette in his life again. And, while Dean wanted nothing more than to save the spitfire little girl, he knew he was over a decade too late. When this was over, had had to make sure Evelyn was gone— no matter how much it hurt.

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Sam thought his trip through Kerri's mind was heartbreaking, but nothing had ever prepared him for this. He had known Evelyn, he had been her best friend, hell they had been like brother and sister. He could still remember them playing in the house, going for long bike rides around the mountain town, or just sitting on the porch of the candy shop and talking. And, in the memories closest to the door, he had been able to feel the warmth of the sun again, he had been able to recapture the joy, each and every emotion drawn out like color.

Now, though, the memories were changing. The further back into the room he went, the older she got. And the darker the memories grew. He hadn't realized until then just how much time they had spent apart, just how much had happened in those ten years. It was like watching a train wreck in slow motion. He could see her spiraling downward, could feel her spirit change as the Yellow Eyed Demon and Kerri's 'illness' took hold of her. He could feel the darkness growing as the little girl in her fell away. And he couldn't do a thing to stop it. Evelyn had been dead for nearly four years, and he was still trying desperately to save her.

What hurt him the most, though, what was truly the nail in the coffin was one simple, unchangeable fact. Had Dean not been hurt, had Kerri not found him and left that note, had they not come back to Valley, he wouldn't even know someone so pivotal in his life was in danger. Had he just kept driving and put 'K' and the whole Winchester hunt in the rearview mirror he would never have remembered Evelyn. He wouldn't know he had demon blood in him, wouldn't know the devastation that had befallen the Harrison family. Because, until that moment in the car, he had completely forgotten about them all.

It wasn't fair. A part of him wished for ignorance, wished he had just kept driving and had never remembered the Harrisons. And another part of him cursed each and every second he had forgotten them. It was like reading a book. He knew these people, cared about these people, loved these people, and then, after all their time together, after heartbreak and joy, they were simply gone, left behind when the story ended.

Sam glanced back over at Dean. He was still back near the door, maybe a few years into the memories. Sam was caught by the far away look in his brother's eyes, and the sad smile on his face. It was painfully obvious that Dean had remembered each and every moment from their childhood. The brunette couldn't help but feel sad for his brother. Dean had been haunted by Kerri and Evelyn much of his adult life— a burden Sam had been free of. He wanted to comfort his brother, wanted to assure him the future wasn't his fault. But he knew Dean would never listen. He had taken it upon himself to protect the world, and Sam knew he would never be able to convince the older man that feat was impossible.

Sam turned back to the pictures, closing his eyes for a moment as he searched for Evelyn. He had blocked her when they had entered her mind, hoping to keep their intensions secret for as long as possible. He knew the minute they opened the door to the middle ground the psychic would attack. Sam just hoped he was strong enough to hold her off while Dean went in after Kerri. It wasn't necessarily a good plan— basically the plan sucked— but it was the only idea either of them had agreed upon. Dean wouldn't let Sam go alone, and Sam knew 'guns blazing' wasn't going to work against Evelyn. So basically, distract and grab was the only option left.

Sam opened his eyes, satisfied that they were still shielded from Evelyn. He was about to turn away from the wall and back to his brother when one of the pictures caught his eye. It wasn't a memory, not exactly, it was more like a piece of information. Sam stared at the drawing, watching as a small gold locket spun slowly inside an intricately carved wooden box— a curse box. The brunette moved closer to the drawing, his heart rate increasing as he stared at it. He was excited, the locket before him was suddenly the most important thing in the world. There were no words, no thoughts— just the locket. He reached out, touching the drawing, and he was instantly thrown into Evelyn's thoughts.

"Vancouver, in the forest somewhere." Evelyn spoke, though Sam knew she wasn't talking to him. This was a memory, but one that was obviously stronger that the rest. "The locket captures thoughts and memories. Like a dreamcatcher but stronger."

"It's a myth, Evelyn." Tom's voice answered, though all Sam could see was the locket.

"But this is a picture—."

"And it's in a curse box. You don't mess with cursed objects."

"But it will help Kerri."

"There's nothing wrong with her."

"Yes there is. I know what you did— I know about her mind and what's trapped inside it."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"I won't let you and your lies destroy her. Did Mom know what you did to her, what you made her into?"

"I would never hurt my child! I loved her. You have no idea what you're talking about."

"I know all you're secrets. If you're not going to help me then you better stay out of my way."

"No."

"What?"

"Kerri is my responsibility, Evelyn, not yours. This is out of your control."

"Why won't you at least try?"

"Because there's nothing to try. You want to expose your sister to a cursed object to fix a medical problem. She's getting better, Evelyn, every day she's getting better. But you're too obsessed with whatever it is that's going on in your brain to see that."

"You're such a hypocrite. You're willing to bet the lives of your entire family because you're too stubborn to admit that you're wrong. You and John are exactly the same."

"Sammy?" A hand grabbed Sam, pulling him back from the memory.

The brunette gasped, turning to see a very worried Dean standing behind him. "What?"

"What? That's all you have to say? You were like freaking zombie boy. What were you looking at anyway?"

"That drawing."

"What drawing?"

"What are you talking about?" Sam turned, blinking a few times. The drawing he had been staring at was now nothing more than a blank piece of paper. "What happened to it?"

"It was blank when I came over here. But you were still pretty engrossed in it. What did you see?"

"A locket. I heard Evelyn and Tom talking, too. Apparently, Evelyn found out about this locket that could catch and store memories and thoughts. Like a super dreamcatcher."

"Something that could pull the memories out of Kerri's mind?"

"That's what Evelyn thought. It was in Vancouver she said. But there's more— it was sitting in a curse box."

"So Ev actually had it?"

"No, she had a picture of it from some book."

"And Tom didn't use it to help Kerri? He didn't go look for it?"

"I don't know if he went looking for it or not. It was in a curse box, Dean. You know not to mess with that stuff. It might be able to help her, but there's consequences."

"Worse consequences than dying?"

"Who knows. Tom wasn't convinced, though, and since Kerri's still storing information I doubt Evelyn ever actually found the locket."

Dean eyed Sam for a moment, knowing exactly what the brunette was thinking. "One hunt at a time, Sammy. We'll get Kerri, then we'll look for this locket. Now, are you ready to do this?"

"Yeah, I'm good. What?" Sam asked, when his brother continued to stare at him.

"Are you sure you can face Evelyn?"

"Of course, I'm just as strong as she is."

"That's not what I meant. This is Ev, Sammy. If it was the other way around—."

"It isn't." Sam answered quickly. He knew where Dean as going with his speech. The brothers had both guessed it was the middle ground that was making Evelyn strong, that was keeping her spirit earth bound. After all, she had burned to death in the fire, her remains were already gone. And they both knew opening that door and destroying that middle ground might also destroy Evelyn. But while Sam wasn't sure that was a reality he would be able to face, he knew he had to. Kerri was still alive, Evelyn wasn't— and that was the simple truth. Kerri was still with them, still among the living, while Evelyn had been gone for years. As much as Sam wanted the young girl back in his life he knew it was finally time he said good-bye.


	14. Chapter 14

_hello again. thank you all so much for the great reviews :). we're getting close to the end of this story too, only another chapter or two after this one. enjoy :)_

**DARKEST BEFORE DAWN**

Chapter 14

Kerri pulled on the handle again, but she was again met with a freezing pain in her hands and annoyed frustration. She still couldn't believe she had walked right into a trap— a trap set by her little sister no less. But then, how was she supposed to know what Evelyn was up to to being with. Her sister was just as cryptic and sneaking in death as she was in life and it was really starting to piss Kerri off. She knew the younger girl meant well but her approach left a lot to be desired. She wished more than anything their lives hadn't turned out the way they had. But if there was one thing Kerri had learned over the years it was that living in the past brought nothing but trouble and heartache. She had to keep moving forward, had to keep pushing on— because it was the only thing she knew how to do.

Kerri finally gave up on the door. She walked around the once familiar apartment, taking in every detail. But she could find no comfort there. It was a carbon copy of the old apartment, an exact duplicate, but that still didn't make it real. It felt like death, felt like a tomb, and Kerri needed to find some way out. The redhead shivered, wrapping her arms around herself as a chill ran through her body. She didn't know why she felt cold, since her body was technically somewhere else, but she knew it couldn't be a good sign. She hadn't been in the best of shape when she and Sam had started their little experiment and she could only imagine what this was all doing to her body. She sighed, rubbing her head, turning to the large picture window when something made her do a double take. There, folded nicely on the sofa was a fleece blanket, and it had definitely not been there a moment ago.

"This can't be good." Kerri mumbled, wrapping the blanket around herself. She didn't know whether to be relieved or worried when she actually felt warmer. This was all getting too weird.

"Ev?" Kerri called out tentatively.

Evelyn had vanished shortly after her little speech and Kerri was afraid the brunette had become preoccupied with Sam and Dean. Kerri knew the boys would come after her. How— well that part of the plan she was a little unsure of. She knew they had to come through the door, since she hadn't been able to find another point of entry, but she also knew that meant going through a very pissed off Evelyn. It wasn't that Kerri didn't think the boys could handle themselves, she just wished there was something she could do besides sit and wait to be saved. This was her sister after all— Sam and Dean shouldn't be caught in the middle of her family's mess. It wasn't fair to them.

Kerri sighed, making her way over to the window. Before the apartment had burned there had been a beautiful view of the Rocky Mountains. It was like looking at a postcard. Kerri often sat by that window, watching over Evelyn as she slept on the couch. She used to promise her little sister she would be safe, that the nightmare was almost over. But that had always been a lie, and though Evelyn pretended otherwise, Kerri knew in her heart the brunette had always seen through that lie. Darkness was always at their heals, always one step behind— until the day it caught them, that is. Even though Kerri knew that day would come, she was still caught completely off guard when the Yellow Eyed Demon eventually came for her sister. And, in the blink of an eye, everything was gone.

She closed her eyes, grounding herself. The emotions were strong here and Kerri knew it had nothing to do with the apartment. She had felt it in the library, too. Without her body she was finding it harder to control the thoughts. All of her old coping techniques were useless and she didn't know how long Sam and Dean had before her body and brain were damaged beyond repair. Well, more damaged than she was at the moment. For all she and the boys knew it might already be too late. She shook her head, taking several deep breaths as she placed a hand on the cool window. She couldn't let the emotions and memories eat her alive. Not now, not after they had worked so hard and come so far. She owed it to Dean to at least try and fight. Slowly the tidal wave that was threatening to drown her ebbed away. She leaned against the window for several more minutes, regaining her composure, centering herself. When she finally opened her eyes her heart skipped a beat. She had been expecting mountains— instead she saw Sam.

Kerri blinking a few times, pressing closer to the glass. It was Sam, but it wasn't at the same time. He was younger, probably in his late teens or early twenties, and he looked healthier and happier than Kerri had ever seen him. Realization came to her instantly— she was watching Sam's memories from his time at college. Kerri watched, both happy and heartbroken. Sam looked so alive, so at peace, so normal, so happy. But that normal came at a price. She was looking at a life without Dean, a Sam without his family— and though the brunette looked beyond happy, in Kerri's heart the memories were wrong. Family was important, no matter how much they annoyed you, and Sam without Dean wasn't even remotely close to normal.

Despite that, though, Kerri was drawn to the images. Dean and Evelyn never had normal— she and Sam had. Well, Sam had. Kerri wanted to know what his life was like, wanted to see if normal really was possible for the child of a hunter. Kerri herself had never completely broken free. She had always been anchored by her family and the curse her father had placed on her as a child. Even when she was with Brian, her father and Evelyn had always been there. And so had the hunting world.

Sam was different. He had no contact with his father or brother and he had completely cut himself off from the world of hunting. For four short years Sam had been completely free of it all. He had made it, and had the Yellow Eyed Demon not returned Sam would still be living in freedom. Kerri watched the memories, the scene constantly changing. She saw parties and friends, and in the middle of it all she saw a beautiful blonde. She had heard about Jessica, but she had never actually seen her. Sam didn't carry pictures and Dean didn't elaborate. It was like Mary. Kerri knew the woman had existed, and she knew how important she was to the boys, but that was it.

Kerri took a deep breath, her heart sinking. Would everything be different if she had told her father what she saw the night her mother died? Would she have been able to save the people she loved from heartbreak had she just told the truth? One mistake, one choice made in a moment of fear, and it could be the one mistake that would destroy not only her family, but the Winchesters as well. Maybe she didn't deserve to be saved. Everyone was trying so hard to save her, but what had she done to deserve it? She had kept secrets all her life, and those secrets had allowed evil to enter their lives. So what made her so special? Why did she deserve to be saved? She was the cause of all this, why couldn't anyone see that. Besides, if she was gone so would the information she housed— and maybe, being lost in the war wasn't such a bad thing.

Kerri was pulled from her thoughts when the entire room shook violently. She stumbled away from the window when the room shook again, her vision swimming as the apartment blinked in and out of focus. "What the hell?" Kerri whispered, making her way over to the front door. It was shuttering, like something out of a b-horror movie. Something was on the other side and it was trying to get in.

"Dean?" Kerri yelled, trying the handle again. The second she touched the knob she was thrown back across the room, her head connecting violently with the wall. Kerri rolled to her side, blinking away the darkness. This was definitely not good. Hell, she was getting banged around inside her own head— it honestly shouldn't have been possible.

"This is getting ridiculous." Kerri mumbled, looking up when the door shuttered again. A cold fear settled in her heart, the room fading in and out of focus each time the door shook. She knew it was Sam and Dean, and while she was relieved for the rescue, she wished they had just left her behind. Everything seemed real, but it didn't change the fact that at that moment they were all in the middle of a mind-walk. They were fighting a spirit in their own minds, and from the sound of it they weren't getting the drop on Evelyn they had obviously been hoping for. Kerri closed her eyes, kneeling down and praying for the first time in a long time. She had no idea what was going to happen to them all when this was said and done, and she only hoped her mistakes hadn't cost the brothers their lives.

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Dean stood shoulder to shoulder with Sam, both staring at the door in front of them. Dean ignored the pictures on the walls around him, the dark images of Evelyn's final years haunting him. Going into the real attic had been bad enough. The fear, the blood, the darkness, the anger, they were all there, reaching out from the drawings, reaching out for him. Hell the room was even darker back here then it had been when they had first entered. He needed to be strong, not only to fight Evelyn, but for his brother.

This was Sam's battle, Sam's best friend, another loved one the boy had lost. Dean was going to go through the door and bring Kerri home. Sam was going to go through that door and say goodbye to Evelyn. The younger man needed all the strength he could get and Dean knew he couldn't falter, not when his little brother needed him the most.

"You ready for this, Sammy?"

"As ready as I'll ever be."

"Ok." Dean nodded, taking a few steps closer. He was a little weirded out by the fact that Evelyn hadn't shown up yet. "Wonder where Ev is."

"I've been blocking her, I was trying to buy us some time."

Dean just looked at his brother, his heart beating a little faster after the revelation. He didn't like his brother being different, didn't like the psychic abilities the younger man harbored. He could pretend they weren't there, push them to the background— usually. But at times like these, times when Sam was openly using his demon-given ability, Dean couldn't deny his brother was turning into something he didn't understand.

"Oh— that's helpful."

"Dean—."

"So what to we do? Just open the door?" Dean cut his brother off, not needing to hear anymore.

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Doesn't that seem a little easy to you."

"Well, technically Ev doesn't know we're here. So maybe it is that easy."

"She knows we're here."

"I told you I was blocking her."

"Yeah, but I saw her outside the panic room. She might not know exactly where we are but she knows we're up to something."

"Dean's right." Sam and Dean both turned back to the door, freezing when they saw the brunette standing in front of them. Dean took a breath, she looked more alive than she had when he saw her before. "You're only so strong, Sam, especially against your own teacher. You should leave now." Evelyn said sweetly, as if she was asking dinner guests to leave.

"We're not going anywhere without Kerri."

"Kerri's safe, you don't have to worry about her, Dean."

"I'm not leaving here without her. She needs to be with us, Evelyn."

"No, she doesn't. You had your chance. I told you what needed to be done, but you didn't listen. She's not safe with you. I can keep her safe and that's all that matters."

"Safe? She's comatose."

"Out there. In here she's safe."

"For how long? What happens when her body dies?"

"It won't matter. My body is dead and I'm still here. What happens outside doesn't effect what happens here."

"Evelyn, I'm sorry." Dean took a step closer, trying to appeal to his lost friend. "I wasn't there to help you, and for that I'm sorry. But you need to let Kerri out of here. It's not fair to her."

"Fair to her?" Evelyn growled, taking a step toward Dean. The temperature dropped as Evelyn's anger grew. Dean stood his ground, though he couldn't deny his fear. "Were you fair to her when you drove off, when you left her to fall apart? You weren't there, Dean, you didn't see what happened to her. You didn't see how sick she got. No one ever took care of her, no one ever tried to save her. The world let her down, and I'm not about to let it get a second chance."

With a quick wave of her hand Evelyn sent Dean flying into the wall, his head connecting hard with one of the thick wooden beams. He blinked several times, fighting off the ever growing darkness. The last thing he saw was Evelyn advancing on Sam, a fire growing in the brunette's pale blue eyes.

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Sam stood stark still, his heart skipping a beat when Evelyn threw Dean into the wall. This wasn't real, none of it was. They were in Evelyn's mind, so why the hell was she able to knock his brother unconscious. He had no idea what this was doing to their bodies back in the panic room. Hell, just ripping up one of Kerri's memories had made both the redhead and his noses bleed— who knew what they would wake up to now.

"Evelyn." Sam began, raising his hands as the brunette advanced. "Please."

"Sam. Why are you fighting me? Why are you fighting yourself?"

"I'm not fighting anything. I'm just here to get Kerri back."

"Back from what?" Evelyn asked, tilting her head curiously.

"From you. She can't stay here."

"Why not? She's safe with me."

"Like Dean said. Her body's gonna die without her soul in it."

"It's not forever, Sam."

"Then how long?"

"We're strong, Sam, stronger than anything else in the world. We're beyond demons, beyond humans, we're the pinnacle."

"What are you talking about?" Sam eyed her, fear growing in his heart. He was psychic, there was demon blood in his veins— he knew he was different. But what Evelyn was talking about, that was too much. He wasn't above anything, wasn't stronger than the things he hunted. He wasn't. He didn't want to be apart of the Demon's plans, and he certainly didn't want to be apart of whatever Evelyn was cooking up.

"Azazel has a plan. A great plan, Sam."

"No, he doesn't. He killed out mothers, Evelyn. He killed my girlfriend. Hell, he killed you."

"I know. Before Rayner came back I thought I could change everything. Azazel wanted us, Sam, we were supposed to lead, supposed to rule. With Kerri's knowledge and Azazel's guidance we were going to be the best the world had ever seen. But I didn't want that. I wanted normal, I wanted safe. I wanted to be a kid again, for life to be like it was when you and Dean were here.

"And then after I died you came back, and I thought everything would be right. But I was wrong. Dean's too reckless, too dangerous, I can see that now. I thought Kerri would be safe with him like when we were kids, but I realized something— she was never safe. The Watcher took her and Dean couldn't bring her back. She was tormented at school and by Sadie Miller's family and Dean could never stop it. She was even suffering from Rayner's experiment and Dean didn't even notice."

Sam moved a step closer to his brother, shielding the unconscious man from the angry spirit. Evelyn saw Dean as a threat, saw him as the reason for their troubles. But she was wrong. Dean did everything in his power to save Kerri, to help her. But no matter how many promises he made, no matter how hard he tried, he was still only human.

"You're right, Sam, he's only human. But you and me, we're more."

"I don't want to be more."

"Really? You were eager to learn from me."

"That was to help."

"Regardless of the intensions, you still learned. We can be together Sam. We can work together, grow stronger together. And once Azazel has completed his plans, we can take him down, destroy him. We could rule the world, Sam. We're supposed to rule the world. You and me, Sam, with Kerri beside us— we can be great."

"This isn't you talking, Evelyn."

"How do you know that? The last time you saw me I was twelve years old. I was an adult when I died. You knew me when I was a foolish child, now I'm a warrior."

"I'd rather have the foolish child. You're putting Kerri in harm's way and you're giving Dean up to die. I won't let that happen."

Evelyn squared her shoulders, taking a step closer to Sam. "Tell me, Sam, what are you going to do to stop me?"

"I'm stronger than you and you know it. That's why you're here, pleading with me. You can't take me on."

"What makes you so sure."

"If you could you would have taken me when you took Kerri. You wouldn't have let me leave her mind. That's why our noses were bleeding. It wasn't because of the book she ripped up, it was you. It's what happened when you tried to steal our souls."

Evelyn's eyes grew harder, darker, the girl before him looking more like a caged animal than his long time friend. She had turned evil, had been lured into the darkness by the Yellow Eyed Demon, and she had never come back out. This was all a plan, a plot, and he had fallen right into it. He should have seen through the facade, but he was so happy to have Evelyn back, so at peace with her spirit that he'd failed to see the truth.

Even when they were children Evelyn was crafty. She was the one who talked him into sealing Kerri's door with caulk. She's the one who started the prank wars that ended with Dean turning green. She was always the one with the suggestions, the one who asked to play outside even after she'd heard the song of the Watcher. Even as a toddler Evelyn had ulterior motives, and while they were harmless, they were also a foreboding sign of what she would one day become. Behind her sweet voice, contagious smile and mischievous eyes was a manipulative girl no one would ever expect.

And her psychic ability was a testament to that personality. Sam had never noticed until that moment how the children's abilities were linked to their personalities. Max was manipulated by his family, always pushed aside, there but rarely seen— and he had telekinesis. Andy was a sweet talker, a harmless con— and he could put thoughts in other's minds. Sam wanted to save people, wanted to help— and he had premonitions. And Evelyn. She was never who she claimed to be, never who people thought she was. She was always hiding behind masks, turning into who people wanted to see when they wanted to see it— and she could astral-project.

"You're in my mind, Sam, you can't beat me here."

"Oh no?" Sam answered calmly, his eyes drifting to the door behind Evelyn. "Cause there's a little something I figured out while I was in Kerri's head."

"Yeah? And what's that?"

"Physics doesn't really apply here. And, with a little work, I can be you."

"What?—."

Before Evelyn could even react Sam made his move, hoping to god the information he got from Kerri's mind was accurate. He closed his eyes, thinking about the door, focusing on the door, projecting himself toward the door. A split second later he was standing in front of the small door, handle within reach.

"Sam, no." Sam grabbed the handle, turning in time to see Evelyn leaning over Dean.

"Ev."

"Don't think I won't." A knife appeared in her hand, the brunette pressing it against the back of Dean's neck.

"What happened to you?"

"Everything! You left me, Sam, you left me here with nothing. My sister was sick, my dad was lost in his hunts. I called you, I called Bobby, I begged for him to let me talk to you. You forgot about me, Sam, when I needed you the most you left me."

"I didn't know!"

"How could you not know? How could you let John convince you I wasn't real? After everything, Sam, everything we lived through. How could you do that to me?"

"It was a mistake, our Dads' mistake. But they're gone, Evelyn, both of them are dead. I'm sorry for what happened, I'm sorry for how our lives turned out."

"Our lives? I'm dead, Sam. I don't have a life. All I have is this. If you open that door I die. I don't deserve to die."

"Neither do Dean and Kerri."

"So they're more important that I am?" Evelyn shouted desperately, a gale growing in the small space. Gone was the maniacal tyrant— Evelyn was a little girl again.

Sam didn't know how to answer. No, Kerri and Dean weren't more important than she was, at least not before. But now— Evelyn had died over three years ago, Kerri and Dean were still alive. It wasn't right, it wasn't fair, but it was life. "You said it yourself, Ev, you're dead. They're not."

"Please, Sam, please let me stay. I'll send Kerri back, I'll let her go. Just please let me stay."

Sam was about to take her offer, but something in his heart was screaming at him to end this now. A fraction of a second later, Evelyn's eyes flashed yellow, a cold smirk spreading across her face. "No, this ends here."

Sam reached behind him, grabbing the handle and pulling the door with all the strength he could. It was like opening the door to a hurricane. Sam fell to his knees, covering his head as the winds around him grew stronger and stronger. Evelyn screamed out, leaning down over Dean, the knife still in her hand.

"Evelyn, don't." Sam screamed, lunging toward the other brunette. She vanished almost instantly, her pain filled cry still echoing around the space. Sam leaned over his unconscious brother, trying to check for injuries as the winds whipped around him. Papers flew off the walls, memories bombarding him as Evelyn cried out.

A tea party, a lopsided crown sitting atop Evelyn's pigtails. Sledding, bike riding, gummy worms, canoeing, the fake bear in Yellowstone. Playing handball in the third floor hall, basketball outside, sunny summer days and snow filled winter ones. He could hear her laughter grow and fade as the pages spun, could see her smile, hear her voice, watch her eyes. He watched it all, his heart aching, tears running down his face. All the moments of a life, gone before its time, flying around him, attacking him, forcing him to remember the person he had just destroyed. The girl he had once called his soul-mate, his best friend, his sister.

He watched, helplessly, shielding his brother. His heart shattered as he listened to the brunette scream out in pain, her spirit tearing apart as the spell she had used to keep herself around dissipated. "I'm sorry." Sam whispered, leaning down further over Dean as the room began to shake, the wooden beams cracking and splintering.

"I'm so sorry, Evelyn." Sam gasped, cursing himself for what he had done. "The dead should stay dead." Sam told himself, trying to convince himself he was right. Evelyn was gone, beyond their reach— he hadn't killed the girl, only her spirit. He told himself that over and over again, all the while holding Dean's still form like a lifeline. He had to focus on the living, not forever mourn the dead.


	15. Chapter 15

_First of all, sorry, sorry, sorry for the long wait. work and real life have been taking up all of my time. thank you for the great reviews :). there is one more chapter left in this story, then the next in the series should hopefully be started soon. _

_There are three more stories left in the series, i cant believe i've come this far. when i outlined the series this point seemed so far away. and now it's into the home stretch. thank you so very much to everyone who's stuck with it over the years. _

_as always, enjoy. _

**DARKEST BEFORE DAWN**

Chapter 15

Sam's eye flew open, the dark, breathtaking wind of Evelyn's mind giving way to an almost alien silence. He blinked several times against the light, feeling blinded even though he knew it was relatively dim. He looked around the panic room frantically. After the showdown he didn't know what he should be expecting. Maybe Evelyn had survived, fighting her way back into the real world. Maybe it was all a trap— maybe Rayner and Yellow Eyes were waiting for them on the other side of the heavy iron door.

Despite all the possibilities, though, there was nothing. The room was quiet, still, calm— just as it had been before he closed his eyes. Sam jumped when he heard a loud gasp. He turned to Dean quickly, catching the older man as he pitched forward violently.

"Dean?" Sam asked anxiously. He rubbed steady circles around his brother's back as Dean struggled to catch his breath. "Dean?"

"I'm k." Dean coughed, pulling in another labored but thankfully more even breath. "I'm ok."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, Sammy. Felt like I was freaking drowning. How'd we get back here?" Dean asked, glancing around the room.

"When I opened the door, Ev— it destroyed her. She doesn't have any remains since she burned in the fire. Her soul was bound to that fake world she had made."

"How?"

"Kerri said they'd tried a spell a while before Ev died. I guess Ev's the one who got it to work."

"So, she's gone?"

"Yeah, she's gone."

"I'm sorry, Sammy, I know—."

"Kerri hasn't woken up yet." Sam broke in, moving to the redhead. He didn't want to hear 'sorry', didn't want to be told it was 'for the better'. He had destroyed the spirit of a girl he should have saved, a girl he had forgotten about when she needed him the most. There was no redemption for him, no making it better. There was just moving on.

"Did you bring her out?" Dean asked, Sam letting out a long breath when his brother followed along with the change of topic. Sam knew the time would come when he would not only want to talk about the girl he had lost, but need to— he just knew that time wasn't now.

"No. I opened the door and Ev— there was this wind, everything was flying around. And then I was back here."

"Did you see her there at all?" Dean pressed, sitting on the bed beside Kerri. He leaned close to her, checking her vitals.

"No. I didn't even go into the apartment, it was all gone after Evelyn left."

"She's gotta wake up." Dean said more to himself than Sam, leaning further over Kerri's prone from. Before either of them could react Kerri gasped, pulling in a deep breath before bolting upright. "Son of a—." Dean cursed, grabbing his head in his hands.

"What the hell?" Kerri groaned, falling onto the bed, holding her own forehead. Dean had been so close to Kerri he didn't have any time to react and the pair had head-butted each other, hard. Sam barely managed to stifle a laugh.

"Ha ha, freakin jerk." Dean scowled, turning his attention back to Kerri. "Ker? You alright?"

"Yeah, I actually am."

"Why do you sound so surprised?"

"I was trapped in Ev's old apartment."

"We figured that."

"Well, I guess when you were trying to get in the entire place was shaking, it was like a freaking earthquake. Then, all the sudden I couldn't breathe."

"Same here, minus the earthquake. Though I was unconscious at the time."

"What? Are you ok? How the hell do you get knocked out in your own head?" Kerri asked, pulling Dean closer and checking his eyes, even as the older man tried to push her off.

"I'm fine."

"You're rarely fine. How many fingers?" Kerri stated, giving Dean the finger.

"One, Trouble."

"I'm not the trouble-maker this time. Ev's lost it, I don't even wanna know what she's gonna try next."

"Uh, Kerri." Dean began slowly, glancing at Sam.

Sam shifted on his feet, feeling the weight of what he had done bearing down on him. She was dead, gone, but that didn't make it hurt any less. Kerri had mourned her sister in the years between Evelyn's death and he and Dean's return. But that return had brought all the memories back full force, and then Sam had gone and brought Evelyn herself back. Now Kerri was losing her again— and again, Sam felt responsible.

"She's gone, isn't she." Kerri answered quietly, her voice soft, yet still strong.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I know it might sound cold but Ev needed to find peace. She had for a long time. It's just gonna be hard to say goodbye to her again. Or to begin with for that matter." Kerri finish, taking a deep breath. Dean pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her. Sam knew the redhead was trying to be strong, knew she was trying to be brave, but he also knew she wouldn't be able to keep up the charade for long.

"Yeah." Dean breathed, rubbing her back.

Sam took that as his cue to leave. Kerri and Dean shared a bond deeper than anyone really knew, even themselves. And Sam didn't want to stand in the way of that bond, especially now. Besides, he was the one who had destroyed Evelyn's spirit in the first place. Had he been able to control her, had he been able to see through her plan, she might still be around— not on the other side of that mysterious veil.

He could have stopped what happened, but he hadn't. He had let her down, had stumbled once again— and now even her spirit was beyond his reach. Like everyone else in his life, Sam had failed her, he had let her die. He made his way up the basement steps quickly. He needed to get some air, to get out of the darkness which was threatening to smother him. The loss of Evelyn was fresh again, and Sam wasn't sure he'd be able to overcome the memories.

He breathed in deep when he made it outside, the warm summer air a lifeline. Their total time on the mind walk hadn't been more than thirty minutes, but to the brunette it felt like a lifetime. And really, it was. He had seen all of Evelyn's memories, had watched the girl grow, had seen himself with her when they were carefree children— and he had witnessed her decent into darkness. He had seen every moment of her life, and then he had destroyed her, all while she pleaded with him to let her stay.

He sat on the porch steps, suddenly too weak to stand. _Why Sam?_ It was something Jessica had said in his dreams, two words which had haunted him for over three years. And now he could hear them again, though instead of Jessica it was Evelyn speaking. Why did everyone around him die? Why couldn't he save the people he loved? Why was he forced to watch them be taken by the darkness which followed him like his own shadow? He felt like a walking curse, a jinx those around him couldn't escape. No matter what he did he still lost, he was still forced to watch all those around him die. And he couldn't do a thing to stop it.

He tensed when he heard the door behind him creak. He didn't want to talk to anyone, he just wanted to be alone. He took another deep breath, fighting back the tears, the anger, the fatigue. He didn't want to break down, though everything in his body told him he had to. He didn't deserve self pity, didn't deserve comfort, he just wanted to fall into the darkness alone.

"You should be with Kerri." Sam spoke after a moment.

"I think I'm where I need to be." Dean answered calmly. He sounded so much like he had when they were kids that it made all of Sam's resolves crumble. He dropped his head into his hands, finally letting the stresses of Evelyn's return out.

Sam didn't know how long he sat there, tears streaming down his face, his mind everywhere and nowhere. The only thing he knew for certain was that Dean was beside him, and he would be there as long as Sam needed him. His dad would have said it was a sign of weakness, but Sam didn't care. All his life Dean had been there to ground him, take care of him, pull him back from the brink. And now wouldn't be any different.

"I destroyed her, Dean." Sam final spoke, though his voice sounded alien to himself.

"Sam, you didn't."

"Yes I did. I didn't kill her, but I got rid of her."

"You had to."

"Did I? Were we sure there was nothing we could do?"

"Of course, Sam. It was a ghost."

"It was Evelyn. I mean, I know she was a spirit, but it was still Evelyn. All the other spirits we destroyed— they weren't people I knew. It's just." Sam stopped talking. He didn't want to talk about it, didn't want to face reality. He just wanted it all to go away.

"Come on, Sammy, talk to me. I know you miss Ev, and for that I'm sorry. I know I have no room to talk. I still have Kerri, and honestly, I don't know what I would have done if it was the other way around. But I know there's more going on in that head of yours. So talk to me."

"We should have never come back."

"Sam."

"We shouldn't. It brought us closer to everything."

"What are you talking about?"

"Evelyn listened to Yellow Eyes, she thought he was right. Dean the things she told me. It was her, but not who she used to be. It was scary. She said me, her and Kerri were all part of Yellow Eye's plan. That with what Kerri knew Ev and I were gonna rule the world. I can't help feeling we're walking into some kind of trap. That we're doing exactly what the Demon wants."

"Sam— I mean, Yellow Eyes didn't know Kerri would leave that note. He didn't know we'd come back."

"I know that. But by coming back, we made it easier. Now Kerri and I are in the same place."

"How is that making things easier, Sammy? We know what's going on. Coming here gave us the heads up. Imagine if we hadn't come back. Rayner still would've attacked Kerri, and without us here he would've gotten her. We never would've known. Could you imagine what would happen if Yellow Eyes got even a piece of what Kerri knows. God, Sammy, we'd never be prepared for him. We'd never be able to fight that."

"You think we can fight it now? Dean, this is something that's been planned since before I was born."

"I know. But I won't let that thing win. You said the Demon had plans for you, Evelyn and Kerri?"

"Yeah. Ev said— god she was so cold, Dean. She said you didn't matter. She said she tried to fight Yellow Eyes once she learned his plans, that she thought you'd be able to fix everything. When Kerri was attacked Ev snapped. No one thinks you can win this, Dean."

"Do you think I can win, Sammy?" Dean asked quietly, his deep green eyes locked on Sam.

Sam stared at his brother for a long moment, the question resonating through him. Did he think Dean could win? A part of him said yes. This was his big brother, the man who stood between him and the world for most of his life. The man who had been more of a father to him than his own. Of course Dean would win, Dean could do anything. But then the rational side of his mind kicked in. Yes Dean was his big brother. Yes Dean was stronger than anyone Sam knew. But when all was said and done, Dean was human.

Sam continued to look at his brother, closing his eyes for a moment before answering. All his life he looked for the rational answer, lived for the solid facts— it was time to let his heart lead him. "Yeah, Dean, I think you can win."

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Kerri sat alone in the quiet basement. The door to the panic room was open, but she still felt like she was in a cage. Even after her sister died Kerri could still feel her, knew the brunette was still around somewhere. And that helped. Now though, that feeling was gone. It was like an ice cold nothingness had permeated every fiber of her being. It was the loneliest feeling she had ever had in her life. Worse than when Evelyn had died, worse than when Dean had left. There was just nothing.

She didn't know what to do with herself, didn't know where to go next. For so long she had just pushed forward. She had woken each day, gone through the motions and gone to bed— repeating that same ritual day after day, year after year. Now though, she didn't know what direction to take. Her sister and Sam were meant to rule over the end of days. They had both been picked for the task before their births, followed and trained their entire lives. And her father's deal for her sight had been instrumented by the Demon as well. Had the Demon made her sick? Had it been more than just meningitis that had blinded her? They were questions she knew she would never have the answers for.

Everything was different, everything was changing. They were moving toward the end, and they were getting their faster than Kerri ever thought possible. The Demon's plan wasn't decades away, it was here, now. They had always had tomorrow, had always had more time to plan, time to fight back. Now, time was up. Kerri closed her eyes, searching her mind. A chill went through her body when some of Evelyn's memories flashed before her, making her jump and open her eyes.

Kerri couldn't help but shiver. She slid across the bed until her back was touching the iron walls behind her before pulling her knees up to her chest. She could feel the seizures again, creeping into the edges of her mind, threatening to pull her under again. There was no filter, no way of stopping herself from learning. Every new experience, every day away from her home was another day she learned more, another twenty four hours of new information. And on top of all that, she had retained some pieces of Evelyn's mind as well.

She knew they were reaching the tipping point, knew the end was almost there. But what she didn't know was how to fight. All her life the supernatural world had been something tangible, something real— what was happening now was inside them. They were fighting destiny, something Kerri had never actually believed in. And here it was, biting her in the ass. No matter what they did, no matter where they went, they couldn't get off the path Yellow Eyes had set them on nearly three decades ago.

Evelyn turning back to her family at the end, Sam's rage at the death of Jessica, her illness, John and Tom's obsessiveness, and Dean's self sacrificing. All of it had led them to that moment, to the war they were facing, to a future Kerri couldn't even imagine. Sam was supposed to reign over the end of days? The Demon was supposed to learn everything Kerri had locked away in her mind? Dean was supposed to die? It couldn't be right, couldn't be possible. It wasn't who they were.

They were the Winchesters and the Harrisons. They all once had dreams, had hopes, had futures. They didn't lose, didn't die, didn't fall to the things they fought. They had always been stronger, faster, better— until Sam and Evelyn had turned twenty-two. It wasn't until the Yellow Eyed Demon's return that they had started to lose, that their empire had begun to crumble around them. Everything they were supposed to be, all the dreams they were supposed to have— they all ended in fire and ash.

So then, where were they supposed to go? What was going to happen to them now? They weren't the warriors anymore. No, at that moment they were merely survivors and Kerri didn't know how much life they had left in them. Sam had demon blood in him, had powers Kerri knew they had only seen the tip of. They were playing in the big leagues now, up another level, and it was more terrifying than Kerri thought life could be.

Kerri looked longingly at the doorway to the panic room. She was a prisoner in her own life, a pawn on the battlefield. Her father gave her mind and future to a stranger when she was young, a stranger with ties to the same demon who'd killed her mother and turned her sister. Hell, even Dean and Sam were different from her, separated from her. Kerri knew in her heart both boys cared for her deeply, that they'd do almost anything for her— almost. And she knew where the line between anything and almost was drawn. Family. They were brothers, and nothing would ever break that bond.

The redhead shivered, suddenly more alone than she had ever been in her life. The memories of her family were being drown out by the knowledge trapped in her mind. Exorcisms were bouncing around her brain, the names and ranks of demons scrolling in front of her eyes like movie credits. The evil was winning, the darkness was stamping out the light. Kerri wanted with all her heart to go upstairs and be with Sam and Dean. But she knew at that moment they needed only each other. They were both falling, both breaking, and only Sam and Dean could heal each other.

It was a statement to the bond they shared. The darkness couldn't destroy the Winchester brothers, couldn't break them— not completely. No, the only thing that could bring them down was losing each other. It was Sam and Dean, the two of them, or neither of them, simple as that. She closed her eyes again, pushing back against the wall, the cold iron anchoring her in the present. She was glad Dean had Sam, was glad the older man had someone to keep him together, to keep him going. Because Kerri knew she wouldn't be in the fight much longer. She could feel more than her body giving way to the weight bearing down on them— her soul was dying, too. They were standing on the battlements, standing on the edge of war, and it was a war Kerri Harrison knew she would not survive.


	16. Chapter 16

_Hello everyone. thank you all so much for the great reviews :). i hope everyone enjoyed the story. this last chapter is short and just wraps things up a little before the next part of the series. this story was really the transition from their pasts to their futures. As i said before, the entire series is outlined and there are only three more stories left. i'll have the next one up within the next two months hopefully. I'm getting into my busy season at work and getting married in 5 1/2 months, so posting might be a little slower. sorry in advance. _

_next story is "The high Road". _

_as always enjoy :)_

**DARKEST BEFORE DAWN**

Chapter 16

Time was irrelevant, at least it felt that way to Sam. It had been weeks since the mind walk, weeks since Evelyn had been destroyed, but to Sam it felt more like minutes. Everything ran together— day and night, Monday and Friday, it didn't seem to matter. It was all just a whirl of emotions, everything and nothing wrapped together. Bobby had come back, and Dean had been splitting his time between them and Kerri, but to Sam, it was just life going on around him, none of it effecting him.

He never dealt well with grief, but then who really did. Dean might have pretended things were ok, but Sam knew deep down his brother was hurting, too. And he didn't know how the older man could hide the hurt so well. Sam, he wore his heart on his sleeve, and he wished to god he could change that. He wanted to be stronger, wanted to be more like his brother, but he couldn't.

Every time he closed his eyes he saw Evelyn's face again, heard her voice again. It was like losing Jessica. The same guilt was tearing him apart, breaking him into pieces. He had failed Jessica, had left her alone when she needed him the most, and now he was repeating all those mistakes with Evelyn. Sam let out a sound that was halfway between a laugh and a sigh. Evelyn had died years ago, and even though he hadn't learned about it until almost two years later he still felt responsible.

Sam shook his head, trying to push the image of the brunette out of his mind. All his life he had been trying to be better, to be stronger, to never falter or fail, and it was destroying him. Evelyn had vanished from his life nearly fourteen years ago, had died almost four years ago and he still felt responsible. He knew he shouldn't, knew there was nothing he could have done, but logic wasn't winning anymore.

The young hunter walked quietly into Bobby's study. The mechanic had gone out to get some food for them and Dean was down in the basement with Kerri. The redhead hadn't said much to him in the weeks they had been there. She just nodded to him, giving him a half hearted smile, telling him it would be ok, though she didn't sound convinced of that herself. Dean always came back upstairs withdrawn, sullen, quieter than normal. Whatever they were talking about down there, it was something Sam didn't want to know about. He already had too much on his shoulders, he didn't need anymore weight crushing him.

He took his time going around the room, trying to lose himself in thought. He wanted to think about happier times. Back when they were young the world had been limitless, free, exciting. He used to welcome the future, but now he dreaded it. All around the old office there were pictures, though far fewer than at Kerri's house. Sam picked up one of the smaller frames, taking a deep breath as he looked at its occupants. It was Tom, Kerri and Evelyn. It was old, probably taken about two years before the Yaksha attacked. All three were smiling, Tom holding his girls tightly in his arms, a moment of joy frozen. Sam stared at the picture long and hard, his eyes focusing not on the girls, but Tom.

The hunter was so happy, hugging his girls tightly, the sisters laughing. Yet, he had already made the deal for Kerri's sight. His wife had already died at the hands of the Yellow Eyed Demon. Evelyn had already been marked. But in that frozen moment none of that seemed to matter. They were happy, the world of hunting gone. In that single moment they were normal, happy, safe and together. Sam couldn't break away from the picture, couldn't turn away from the hunter's deep eyes. He was holding Kerri, laughing with her, even though he knew what he had done.

Sam sat slowly, the photograph still in his hands. Maybe this is what it was all about. Tom had done the unthinkable, had sold his daughter's future, though he'd had the best of intentions. All he wanted was his baby back, safe and healthy. He was a scared father who knew a little too much about the darker corners of the world. But that choice, even though it was stealing the redhead now, had also given her to them. Had she remained blind Sam knew things would be different, just as Tom knew things would be different. She would always be limited, always have a mountain to climb, even when it came to the most ordinary of tasks. He gave her a full life, even if it would ultimately cost her her future.

He knew all this, and he still made the choice— but more importantly, he had lived with the choice. He had loved Kerri, Sam knew that. When they were young he had often been jealous. Tom let his girls be normal, John ruled with an iron fist. Tom laughed and played with his girls. He hugged them, kissed them goodnight, all while knowing the choices he had made. He never looked back, he just moved forward, and Sam knew in his heart that if history repeated itself Tom would make the same choice.

And despite all that, despite what Kerri was going through now, Sam couldn't be mad. He didn't fault Tom, didn't blame him. When he had first learned of what the hunter had done he'd been furious. But now, now he understood. Even if she only lived to be thirty, she had a full life, a life without limitations. Had Tom made the right choice— not really— but he made it for all the right reasons. And despite it all, Sam forgave Tom. And if Tom could be forgiven, then why couldn't he?

Sam had turned his back on his family, had lied about Evelyn, had left Jessica alone, had forgotten about the Harrisons. They were all his choices, choices he knew he would more than likely make again. But just because those decisions had terrible outcomes didn't mean he was doomed to suffer. He could be saved, he could be forgiven. Suddenly, Sam's heart didn't feel as heavy, the dark shadows around him ebbing away. All he wanted was forgiveness, acceptance. But maybe he needed to forgive others first.

He held so much anger in his heart, the desire for revenge burning within him— and that scared him. He could feel himself losing control, could feel himself slipping into the darkness all around him. He was angry at his father for the way they were raised, angry at him for dying when he needed him the most. He was angry at Dean for constantly putting himself in danger, for always putting others before himself. He was angry with Kerri for giving up. He was angry with Evelyn for accepting the Yellow Eyed Demon as a mentor. He was angry at the Demon for stealing his mother and Jessica from him. And he was angry at Tom for cursing Kerri. Everything that happened fueled his angry, fueled his rage, and he knew that fire would destroy him. He had to start forgiving, had to start letting go of the anger, of the hurt.

He had to let peace in, had to let forgiveness in. He couldn't hold onto the anger any longer. Evelyn and Dad had both held onto their rage and it destroyed them, broke them, put them right in the Demon's hands. No, if he was going to survive he needed to let go of the pain and focus on the good all around him, on what he still had. And if Tom could be forgiven for sealing his little girl's fate, then maybe Sam could be forgiven. The brunette had to believe that, had to believe there was more than the darkness brewing within him. There had to be a light, something good to latch onto, even in the darkest of days. He had to believe it was always darkest before dawn.

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_September 1982_

Tom sat on the rug in the middle of the living room, watching his young daughter play. She was talking to one of her dolls, sitting it down neatly beside another— apparently her teddy bear and stuffed cat were getting married today. He still couldn't believe the gift he'd been given. Not only was he the father of a beautiful little girl, and another one on the way, Kerri was whole and healthy again.

When she had gotten sick Tom Harrison thought his world would end. He had been a loner, always on the road, a girl in every town. But then he'd come to Valley and everything had changed. Liz was unlike any girl he'd ever met. He never thought he'd meet someone he would want to spend everyday with, but Liz had changed him. And then along came Kerri. Tom never thought he could love something so much, but the moment he laid eyes on his baby girl he felt his entire world shift. Kerri became his universe, a tiny little bundle of laughs he couldn't live without. It was perfection, a dream he didn't even know he had come true. And then, in an instant it all came crashing down.

What started as the sniffles and a fever ballooned overnight, and Tom went from a proud father to a man losing his only child. Every doctor told him, in their detached, professional way, that he would lose his little girl— and Tom knew that wasn't an option. Even when the redhead had managed to pull through, the idea of her being blind forever was something he couldn't take. He knew he was asking a lot, knew he should be grateful his baby was alive at all— be he couldn't watch her struggle. He just couldn't put her through a life like that, not when he knew ways to help her.

And so, despite the promises he had made to himself when he first started hunting, he turned to the supernatural world for help. There was a time when he looked down on those who turned to magic and witchcraft to fuel their own needed, further their own egos. Demons, spirits, monsters, and the humans who turned to them for help were all the same in his mind— supernatural, bad. But now, now it all looked a little different. The grey areas had gotten larger over the years, and suddenly yes and no were no longer legitimate answers. There was more at stake than just himself. He wasn't doing it for money or fame, he was doing it to give his daughter a full life. Was that really wrong?

His mind was screaming yes. He had sold his daughter out, had given up her future for his present. Tom knew Rayner had a vested interest in his daughter, and the hunter knew the witch would not leave his family alone. Kerri would become a warehouse of information for him, a treasure he would one day come to claim. Tom had no idea when that day would be, and that single unknown terrified him. He constantly asked his little girl questions, testing her and challenging her to find out just what she had learned and how fast she had learned it. Liz said she knew so much because of all the time she spent with adults at the hospital, but Tom knew it was the spell.

Tom closed his eyes, letting out a long breath. He listened as Liz moved around the kitchen, the water running, pots clinking against the counter, it was all so normal. Despite the act, Tom knew Liz had changed. He would never forget the look on his wife's face when he brought Kerri back from their little trip, completely healed. Liz didn't know he was a hunter, didn't know about the supernatural— and she never would. She kept asked Tom what he did, how it was possible, and Tom told her he didn't know. One day they were walking down the street and Kerri told him she could see the trees. And really, that story wasn't far from the truth.

Kerri had been asleep when Tom met with Rayner, which was a blessing in disguise. The little girl didn't know anything about the man who had healed her. All she knew was she fell asleep in the car and when she woke up in Daddy's arms she could see again. It was a miracle, his little girl was back, whole, perfect. His marriage, that was another story. They were still in love, still happy, but there was something there, something different lurking in the shadows. His beautiful, perfect life was tainted. But Tom could accept that. Kerri could see and was healthier and happier than anyone had expected. And Liz was pregnant again. Hell, Tom had even put a deposit on the old house outside of town Liz loved so much. The place looked more like a very large heap of firewood, but Liz was drawn to it, and that was enough for Tom.

The hunter turned his attention back to Kerri. She was so innocent, so happy, but still Tom worried. The moment he agreed to the deal, Kerri had become someone else's property. She was still his daughter, still his little girl, but she had also been promised to Rayner. The witch owned a part of her, and Tom was terrified his vibrant, loving, lively little girl would one day be gone from the world forever. He just hoped he could find some way to save her. He knew she would resent him when she learned the truth, knew she would accuse him of sacrificing her. He just hoped somehow he could make her understand why he did it. He didn't care if she was angry, didn't care if she grew to hate him. He just wanted her to know why he did it, why he had to make the deal. She was his daughter, his baby, it was his job to keep her safe, his job to look after her. He couldn't leave her sick, couldn't leave her broken. Was it a good decision, no, but it was a choice he would make over and over again. He just hoped someday she would understand how much he loved her.


End file.
